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AIBU?

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Original poster

Does this sound aggressive to you?

143 replies

queensonia · 22/04/2024 18:35

I am on friendly terms with a neighbour. A couple of weeks ago her cat went missing and I promised to look out for him. I hadn’t heard from her for a while so I texted her: “Any news of Fluffy??” She replied. “Why do you always use so many question marks??????! Not sure if you’re aware but it comes across as aggressive”.
I apologised for accidentally offending her but WTF? Would anyone else find two question marks aggressive? I know Gen Z get in a twist about misuse of emojis but this woman is 60!

OP posts:
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Original poster
queensonia · 24/04/2024 21:10

I’m sorry to report that Fluffy is still missing but I won’t be enquiring about his whereabouts again

OP posts:
MurielThrockmorton · 23/04/2024 13:11

Testina · 22/04/2024 18:46

In this context, she should STFU.

But I have Gen Z kids.

Text 1:
mum whats for dinner (sic)

Text 2: (if I don’t reply in a nano second)
????????????

It’s definitely a chase if not aggressive thing to many. And yeah, both of those texts get them told off 🤣

Grin Mine does this too!

ChedderGorgeous · 23/04/2024 13:04

MonsteraMama · 23/04/2024 12:54

Or, wild idea, he doesn't find it annoying?

But yeah of course you know better how her husband feels about her than she does 🙄

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I mean you find it annoying with only two?? Imagine three???

MonsteraMama · 23/04/2024 12:54

ChedderGorgeous · 23/04/2024 12:40

Apparently not??

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Or, wild idea, he doesn't find it annoying?

But yeah of course you know better how her husband feels about her than she does 🙄

ChedderGorgeous · 23/04/2024 12:40

MonsteraMama · 23/04/2024 12:30

I'm sure her grown ass husband is capable of telling her if she's being annoying, wind your neck in 😂

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Apparently not??

TinselSniffer · 23/04/2024 12:34

@MonsteraMama 😂 I happen to know they find me adorable and not at all annoying.

SilverBranchGoldenPears · 23/04/2024 12:33

It is aggressive.
At 50 I’ve had to learn that my communication style needs updating. It took me a while, but it’s important. Doubling up on question marks is demanding and potentially aggressive.
Using full stops can also ‚sound‘ irritated or annoyed.
It is how it is and adaptability is a good thing 😀

MonsteraMama · 23/04/2024 12:30

ChedderGorgeous · 23/04/2024 11:58

That is insanely annoying. Please stop this for the sake of your sons and dh

Edited
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I'm sure her grown ass husband is capable of telling her if she's being annoying, wind your neck in 😂

ChedderGorgeous · 23/04/2024 11:58

TinselSniffer · 23/04/2024 11:35

If my sons or dh take too long answering a question I send ??? using iPhone effects like slam or this one. After reading this thread I'm worried I've committed a hate crime.

That is insanely annoying. Please stop this for the sake of your sons and dh

TinselSniffer · 23/04/2024 11:35

If my sons or dh take too long answering a question I send ??? using iPhone effects like slam or this one. After reading this thread I'm worried I've committed a hate crime.

Does this sound aggressive to you?
TheCultureHusks · 23/04/2024 11:19

Yep you should reply -

’Yes, I am aggressive!!!! Glad you noticed at last!!! But why are you changing the subject and not answering my question??????? now where the FUCK is that CAT?????????

newyearnewknees · 23/04/2024 11:15

Her message is way, way more aggressive than your non-contentious message. I would reply:

SORRY!!?! 👹👊🏻

Hoppinggreen · 23/04/2024 11:08

15 year old DS does it if I dont reply quickly enough.
Mum, wheres my PE shirt?
MUM??
MUM??????????????????
Bloody annoying

ChedderGorgeous · 23/04/2024 11:06

YeahComeOnThen · 23/04/2024 02:52

@ChedderGorgeous

what age is 'older' in this claim?

how old are you?

us 'older' people don't have to use minimal punctuation because your generation is. 'Wet'

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OP is clearly older ??

Sarat67092 · 23/04/2024 08:46

The only rude or aggressive thing about this is her response!

Stainglasses · 23/04/2024 08:44

She responded very rudely indeed. I’d leave her to it from now on. What a prickly and mannerless person.

VestibuleVirgin · 23/04/2024 08:44

There was a post about the use of question marks recently.
Yes, not only do they convey an aggressive tone, why the hell do you need so many? Unnecessary and ignorant

CornedBeef451 · 23/04/2024 08:41

I don't know any older people who use multiple punctuation marks, I think it's a younger person thing.

Or maybe a medium aged (not middle aged) thing as actual young people seem to find any punctuation aggressive.

It all irritates me as it's incorrect.

Despite that, the woman is a loon, you were just being nice!

anon4net · 23/04/2024 03:15

I really don't like it either. I have to communicate with one person in HR in a large health care agency and she always does this. Multiple question marks for everything. Having said that, she does it in a professional capacity and I think it's not on as a result. Not sure I'd feel so strongly if it was neighbourly/friend etc and I certainly wouldn't say anything as your neighbour bodily did.

You were kindly concerned about her cat. Chalk it up to she's stressed and you were an easy target.

YeahComeOnThen · 23/04/2024 03:03

@queensonia I'd assume 'fluffy' is still missing and she's feeling very upset. She maybe feels guilty about fluffy going missing and feel people blame her?

Don't take it to heart.

i think between friends it's ok, if you're messing about (friend sends photo of cake/cocktail/coffee & you. Reply where's mine?? )

but in other situations it can come across as a bit arsey. (To DH. I thought it was your job to feed the dog???)

I think generally it's fine though

Giveupnow · 23/04/2024 03:02

@Left is “kind regards” not acceptable now either?! Since when? I genuinely use that for the majority of my email sign offs!

Thunderpants88 · 23/04/2024 02:54

I would reply

“says you “Why do you always use so many question marks??????! “”

YeahComeOnThen · 23/04/2024 02:52

ChedderGorgeous · 22/04/2024 18:56

Basically yes, older people often add far too much punctuation on texts/ WhatsApp. Two question marks comes across accusatory/ demanding. Try to just use one next time.

@ChedderGorgeous

what age is 'older' in this claim?

how old are you?

us 'older' people don't have to use minimal punctuation because your generation is. 'Wet'

ineedtostopbeingdramaticfirst · 23/04/2024 02:44

I'd assume you really want to know how the cat is! But maybe she read it as 'why haven't you updated me sooner' but even so aggressive is a strong term.

I'd be less inclined to converse less with her.

Thevelvelletes · 23/04/2024 00:29

Fars fluffy?