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AIBU?

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Original poster

If I said no to this get together

33 replies

Jellyrose20 · 22/04/2024 18:03

My husband has x3 adult cousins who all have children and who live in various countries across the world.
For the first time in 5 years they are all coming back to the UK for a week and my husband's auntie has suggested a get together would be nice one day on the weekend.

My husband has asked if everyone can come over for a bbq and said I wouldn't have to do anything.
I have a very lively 5 year old and I will be 39+2 days pregnant on the suggested date (assuming I make it to due date). There would be 12 adults and 6 children - so 18 in total.
He has promised I won't have to do anything but realistically given it is in my home I suspect I will be asked innocently for things and it doesn't stop the fact that this will mean even with the best efforts in the world from my husband he will be too busy to help parent my daughter meaning I will be taking the lead.
They aren't family members we see often so my daughter doesn't know anyone well to go to them.

I can just remember how I felt when I was that pregnant before and I can't imagine having 18 people in my house and feeling like I have to socialise and play some level of hostess when that pregnant.

I currently have moderate PGP, iron deficient anaemia and reflux so I'm overall having a worse pregnancy than with my first.

His family live 2.5 hours away so he can't (and doesn't want to) go to them in case baby comes early.
I want to say no but I feel so guilty because of what a rare opportunity this is for him to see all his cousins at the same time.

So....is it unreasonable to say no? Is there a middle ground I'm not seeing?
My husband isn't putting anything pressure on the request and said he recognises its likely a no, but I want to be as fair as possible.

OP posts:
Nagado · 22/04/2024 19:03

Not a chance. You know what hosting involves. How will he be able to catch up with anyone if he’s rushing round making sure everyone has a drink and making potato salad? Or does his definition of hosting just mean he stands by the bbq turning over burgers while you do everything else and keep your DC from running about around the bbq?

I agree with everyone else. A pub is the way to go here. Even a village hall with a caterer or pot luck and everyone bring a bottle. If he won’t go to them because it’s too far away if you go into labour, then he’s acknowledging it could happen. What will he do if you start during the bbq? Turf everyone out to sit in the nearest park?

MyRobotFriend · 22/04/2024 18:38

If I wasn't pregnant I'd say fine.

If I was 39w pregnant I'd say absolutely no fucking way.

BodyKeepingScore · 22/04/2024 18:22

I think there's no harm in it in theory but... if you go into labour early and baby has arrived he's going to have a lot of very disappointed guests with no back up plan. Makes more sense to arrange the get together for somewhere else so that it can continue without you in the event that you're in labour/have just had a baby.

LookItsMeAgain · 22/04/2024 18:19

Are there any hotels/pubs that could do the catering for this meet up session? I’d suggest that over having them all to your place.

Octavia64 · 22/04/2024 18:17

Book a function room at a pub.

Binglebong · 22/04/2024 18:16

There is a middle ground and that is to all go out somewhere locally. By that point you may be in hospital with a baby so it really isn't a good idea to plan for your house to be used. And that's before coming home to a mess!

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 22/04/2024 18:16

I think it's a bit shorted sighted of him to organise hosting something that he doesn't know if he will be in a position to host given the timing it pretty much in line with when you may be in labour.

The middle ground is probably leave it as close to the time as possibe and see how things are going.

A "we would love to host but given Jelly's due date is so close, it's impossible to make plans in advance - we might be in the labour ward on the day!"

TipsyKoala · 22/04/2024 18:06

It’s a bit much to ask when you’re so close to birth. If baby comes early you may have to cancel last minute. Suggest hiring a room at a nice pub and all meeting there for a meal?