To not want to visit my parents

I understand where you're coming from.

We had this with my PIL, out of the blue they announced that they were going to move to just down the road from SIL.

I think what hurt DH's feelings - and his brother felt the same way - was that his parents had clearly been discussing the move with sil for months maybe even years before involving the rest of us. And then having done that and prioritised being close to her above anyone else, it has become "well obviously you have to come here for Christmas/celebrations generally because both of us are here" which feels like it rubs salt in the wound.

We still go and see them but we don't go as often because, frankly, they moved somewhere that makes that harder and since they made it clear they don't care about us as much as SIL, it doesn't feel as worthwhile to make the effort

So get an AirbnB, go by train (book early for best price) and make it into a short holiday. Simple enough.

Petty and selfish. Wait till they are gone and live with regrets, Jealous too, of your sister. Book well in advance and take the train, much more fun than drive. Make it into a fun trip with your child.

So YOU moved to London- but would have wanted your parents to be alone and not close to either of you. And you say they are selfish??? Please listen to yourself.

No-one can force you, of course. Your prerogative. Remind them to cut you off their will too, if it is all too much trouble for you.

No, they were 1.5 hours away, now they are a 10 hour round trip.

If they had stayed where they were, how often would you have made the 1.5hr trip to do things for them when they reach the point that they need help?

You will see then that it makes complete sense for them to live nearby to one of you, and maybe living in London wasn't what they wanted.

Is there a train? You can get to Manchester in under 2 hours from London.

I can understand them not wanting to move to London, to be honest. I think they should have had a much more honest conversation about it all.

This.

It's really unreasonable to resent them moving close to your sister.

But if you don't want to visit them, you don't have to. It's your choice.

Hmm tricky one I’d say.

It seems very weird they told you they were moving up North, not to be closer to Sister but did end up 15 minutes away. Surely they could have been honest from the start that they were going to move near to her?

It all depends if you want your DD and them to have a good relationship. But I think the effort should be a two way thing. Let’s say a visit every month or two months, you make the first trip and they make the next, and so on.

It makes sense for them to live near one of you and the south east is expensive, but they really should have told you before the move.
Your daughter must be young still. Is there a time in the future you'd be happier with the longer journey? There's no need for you to visit if it's not convenient but if you want your daughter to see more of them I would do a couple of weekends a year.

I read it as being 5 hours away. OP said she doesn’t want her dd to be stuck in a car for 10 hours over a weekend.

I wouldn’t relish being stuck in a car with a LO for an hour journey either tbh.

Will you be driving on your own with dd OP?

If you want your DD to have a meaningful relationship with her grandparents please try and put your hurt feelings aside and go and visit them. Life is too short and perhaps you could be the bigger person here.

Both my DD's, their partners and their respective children live between one hour and 3 hours away from me. Neither DD drives and both moved away from their home town (London) due to cost. I appreciate every time they (or conversely I) visit so I can spend precious time with DGSs.

Can you invite them to yours? Or meet half way and stay in a premier inn or if funds allow some where nicer.

OP was 1.5 his away from them before they moved.

I agree with a previous poster who said you're being petty and I think you should make the effort to go to your parents so they can see their grandchild. 1.5 hours isn't that long a journey or very tiring, particularly if you stay overnight. You said at the start of your post thst your parents are 1.5 hours away but towards the end you said you were concerned about your child spending 10 hours or more in the car - surely it would be 3 hours?

Could you consider trialling all meeting somewhere half way, on a rail line, stay in a Premier Inn or similar?
(Bonus that your parents get to do some of the legwork too and might pressurise you less?)

I think this, too. It sounds like they stressed 'it's not simply to be near your sister' because they knew you would be touchy about it. They are 15m away - so hardly right on top of her.

I've got adult DC - one of who is in Brighton and one is in Derby. I'm considering retiring to the Peak District because it's rural, scenic and I fancy it. I'm not 'moving to be near to ONE of my children' and leaving the other out. I imagine your parents got a LOT more for their money up North than if they'd moved near to London!

Which is my other reason for NOT moving near to Brighton. I'm currently in the Midlands, like you were before you moved to London (away from your parents). I can't afford to sell a house here and buy one in Brighton. And I don't suppose they could either.

*never see them not it!

You're not unreasonable to feel hurt that you were essentially deceived. There was no need for that element of it. If I were you, for me it would come down to their ages and how I would likely feel if they passed away and I had allowed my hurt to prevent me from visiting them when I could reasonably make the trip a few times a year. It is possible to make long car journeys with children with a bit of planning. In their later years they're unlikely to be able to travel as far as regularly as they do now, meaning you'll never see it. Is the lifetime of regret worth missing out on the relationship?

You're only making the gulf wider by refusing to visit. Personally I'd go at least twice a year. If you go at Christmas, maybe go in the school dinner holiday as well? Can you have a couple of days break somewhere else on the way or on the way back, so it feels more of a holiday?

The sunny side of this ( it isn't , I'm being flippant) is that when your parents need more help, you'll be too far away and so your sister will be the default.

It's a can of worms. Your sister will be resentful of being so close to them.

However, you'll be full of guilt.

They chose to live there. That is not your problem. You can only visit when you can.

I think you’re being a bit petty. Just visit for the odd weekend with your child

Nah you are definitely not being unreasonable. Your parents should make waaaay more of an effort to visit their daughter and granddaughter! Ultimately, they are missing out but I know how much it hurts.

Is it easy when you are there? Do you have enough space/entertainment etc? It might be nice to go up occasionally and help to build that bridge, but the onus is absolutely not on you.

Think you need to make more effort to be honest and just go and see them.

Can they visit you seeing as they want to meet their DGD?