…to leave a lovely friendship group because of one person?

We don’t know none of the group likes her though, we only know OP and this former sixth member of the group dislike her. We have no idea what the others think and for all we know they may be her greatest cheerleaders.

OP can only deal with her own relationship with Sue: she can’t really decide on behalf of other people.

It's a real mean-girl thing to set up a new group of all the originals bar one. Either go on the trip (and just keep reminding her when it's her turn to buy a round fgs!) or don't go.

So you’ve just taken a dislike to her then. I would maybe step back from the group but remain in contact with those of the group you do like.

I would be wary of making a fuss or forming a new group with everyone in it but her though. I’m not sure either of those things are necessary.

If none of the group likes her, can’t she just be not invited to stuff?

The rest of you plan stuff, invite the friend that left and stop including the mardy baggage.

I absolutely think OP has every right not to have to hang out with Sue and especially to not have to pay money to go on holiday with her.

But I think the people suggesting she can pick off the other members of the group one by one and remake it without Sue are being naive. In practice this would come across as pretty bitchy, it would lead to repercussions and OP would lose the moral high ground. Ultimately you don’t know what the other members of the group think of her and trying to advocate for them to dump her is unkind and could backfire.

I think you should just tactfully say Sue is not your cup of tea and bow out of the holiday but not try to social engineer this.

It's not mean to exclude someone who doesn't contribute to the work of catering for the group and also leaves you financially out of pocket.

Sue is the one who should feel bad for this antisocial behaviour and not the OP.

I don't know if you're being deliberately obtuse or if you honestly don't understand that some people have different outlooks.

I disagree with what you are saying and I think it's absolutely fine for OP to arrange to go out for lunch (or whatever she wants to do) with whoever she wants to spend time with.

Apart from not having a sense of humour, these are all practical issues. Could you suggest in the group chat that you agree in advance how you will split cooking/clearing up/paying for things?

I think it's fine to arrange a weekend away with friend 6, but once you start inviting the others it has a definite group vibe and you can't really exclude any of the usual members. It would be even better if you invite someone not related to the old group.

Just opt out of the weekends away.

See individual members of the group socially.

Do not form another group.

Make new friends too. These people in the group aren't the only people in the world.

I’m in a similar situation, OP. I enthusiastically agreed to a holiday without realising a friend of friends had been invited. They all think she’s wonderful; I think she’s a domineering know-all who could do with a slap with a wet haddock.

I got lucky - everyone was faffing so much when it came to choosing accommodation that a couple of people decided to book their own, so I did the same. Is this an option for you? If you were just staying nearby and could meet up with the others as and when, but have your own space when you needed it, maybe it would be easier to put up with Sue.

For just this time I think I’d go. Otherwise the people whose big birthday it is will feel crappy.

Exactly. I’m in a similar situation and suggested a meet up without our ‘Sue’ and was told I was being mean to exclude her.
So either I put up with her or miss out on a trip with other people I like.

Exactly, otherwise you're in a cult!

The problem with friendship groups of more than 1 is that you never know when you're part of the gand or a "Sue." For all you know, Sue might be seeking advice about your ways too.

I don't know if you're being deliberately obtuse or if you honestly don't understand the meaning of the word 'group.'

Sue ISN'T just a "friend of a friend." OP didn't become friends with one of the others who then brought Sue along at a later date as an extra. They all met at the same time and formed a group. Every other time they've met up as a group over the last several years everyone has been invited. Every other holiday they've been on, it's been as a group. The current holiday was suggested to the whole group. They probably have a whatsapp group or similar they all belong to, on which events are organised. Therefore to suddenly not invite one member of a defined group would be cruel, regardless if you don't like them.

If you've got 30 kids in a class it's mean to invite 29 of them to a party and leave one out. If 5 colleagues work in a team it's mean (and could be construed as bullying) if only 4 of them are invited to the Christmas party, etc.

It's a completely different scenario to inviting individual friends of friends who don't know each other to events, or, if, back when they first all attended the hobby BEFORE THE GROUP FORMED, OP suggested meeting up only with the people she liked and not inviting Sue then, or even OP just meeting up with one or two of the others now. But now they have been an established group for several years, suddenly excluding Sue from events would be horrible.

Sorry but I genuinely don't get how it is excluding someone to arrange something and invite the people who you want to spend time with.

When you arrange social events do you invite every single person you know, including people you don't like? All of the friends of your friends?

To OP, Sue is a friend of a friend - and one that she doesn't particularly like at that.

OP doesn't owe her anything just because she's attached to a hobby group. She certainly doesn't have to invite her to things that she arranges herself with people whose company she enjoys.

If it was me I would pull her to one side and tell her how your feeling she either take it on board or tell you to do one ...either way it wouldn't stop me going with my Friends not everyone likes everyone that's life ...it takes more energy to be off with her or ignor her ...maybe she feels the same anout you 🤣

It sounds rude! 😜😂

Cross posted with @ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine

Has anyone ever called her out for any of these things? If not, it will come s a surprise to her if she finds out that a new friendship group, consisting of everyone but her, has formed.

Having said that, I don’t blame OP for not wanting to spend time with her.

Has anyone ever tried calling Sue out on her behaviour? Not recommending it because I'm not sure I'd have the guts myself, depends on the group dynamics. Is everyone else totally okay with her behaviour?

I think I'd be quietly following friend number 6 in this.

I’ve had this a few times (perhaps my tolerance of people is low and I’m the real problem 😂) and I distanced myself from a couple of groups, turned down invitations in the WhatsApp chats and eventually left the chats citing my availability incompatibility.

I kept in touch with individuals from both groups that I gelled with and have firm one to one friendships with them now but I didn’t bother attempting to replicate the group dynamic.

Go or don't go. No biggie.

I tolerate one person in our friendship group even though she does my head in. I just focus on the ones I like . She does not like me either so it's easy to avoid sitting next to her. I still wish her well, but she drives me up the wall for some reason (always in money trouble, begging to borrow money, then goes on an expensive holiday... that sort of thing)

Am wondering what the issue with your "friend"'s love of metal is 😁 I have a weak spot for heavy metal myself but would never force it on my friends 😇