…to leave a lovely friendship group because of one person?

Just say to the others that Number Six left the group because of Dodgy Doreen and you feel the same way that group weekends away are no fun with her.

That gives the others the chance to pop up and say whether they like Dodgy Doreen or not.

Chances are that they can't stand her either and then you can all drop Dodgy Doreen like a ton of bricks.

Yeah I'm intrigued...did you ever like Sue or did she annoy you from the first time you met? Or was she okay in small doses but going on holidays was when the issues around cleaning/being tight became more apparent? Or has she got worse as time has gone on?

I wouldn’t leave anyone out like you’ve said, maybe just start seeing people in smaller groups, like one or one or two or three?

🤣🤣 you really do have my sympathies OP, ranting away on here is completely fine and if it helps save group dynamics then please tell us more about Sue!

I think if you say to other members that Sue isn’t your cup
of tea so you won’t be holidaying, then maybe they’ll ‘follow’ you and ‘number six’ - think I’d wait for that to happen organically rather than instigate a full-on move. One man’s meat is another’s poison after all, how was Sue in the group originally if no-one really liked her?

Go away with friend six. The others can join you if they like but not Sue.

I would not go on the expensive holiday. I would be open to other meetups without Sue. She sounds like a pain, music tastes aside. Life is too short.

I'd decline the weekend away, and contact the birthday friends to say you'd like to celebrate with them at another time, and so are inviting them and friend six to lunch at yours, - just the five of you. List the names, so they don't accidentally ask her if she's coming and she ends up tagging along.

Yes, it's just a sort of calculator. Or you could just do an old fashioned kitty.

You don't put bank account details in Splitwise.

Give over, you know that is not the same thing. They are a group of friends. Inviting everyone a part from one is just mean.

She doesn’t HAVE to do anything. But excluding a single person from a getaway is shitty behaviour, whether you can justify it to yourself or not

Interestingly I had a similar experience about 2 years back. I formed a hobby group and there were about 8 of us.

2 of the women were not my cup of tea but it was ok and we rubbed along and I avoided them most of the time.

It came to a head when one made more veiled racist comments about MM and I decided I’d had enough. I told her what I thought of her in front of the group and left.

I then left the WhatsApp group after explaining that I’m not exposing myself to people like that anymore.

3 reached out and said they would like to see me separately.

2 years on the original group doesn’t exist and the splinter group is a very nice place indeed.

@SabreIsMyFave I didn't say his thread was an echo chamber. I said that MN can be an echo chamber

And, although you disagreed with me, you've confirmed the point I was making. On this thread, people are quite sympathetic to OP, but if Sue started a thread about being excluded, then many of the replies would be quite different

@hottchocolatte Also, I know it’s derailing, but I must know what happened here. It’s not exactly a typo. It’s a very snapped and farted moment in an otherwise normal comment. What DOES “run you up the front way” mean? Because it’s got a complete word in the middle (up) that isn’t in “rub you the wrong way.”

EDIT: Apologies. The up is correct. I’m not sure what I was thinking of. So maybe… they ARE related???

@Ndujauser I think part of the issue is that we make these things worse for ourselves. It doesn’t take necessarily take bravery; just maturity. Mature adults sort out problems for themselves. They point out when they’re being treated unfairly. I know bullying does still happen, and in those situations it can be very difficult, but you haven’t mentioned that, so I’m going to assume that Sue is not a bully, but just… well, mardy baggage that needs to be told it’s her round for drinks, it’s her turn to clear up, and that most people would rather remove their ears than hear thrash metal.

Because being brave can be fraught. But when you look at maturity, you can easily say, “Why yes! I AM a mature adult! Of course I can simply tell Sue it’s her round or her turn to clean up! We’re not children! She’s not going to chase me and call me names.” So don’t torture yourself. If you decide not to go, that’s fine. But if you do decide to go, just remember, you already have the tools you need to deal with someone like Sue.

My first step would be to set up a kitty in advance, or use Splitwise app

We don’t know none of the group likes her though, we only know OP and this former sixth member of the group dislike her. We have no idea what the others think and for all we know they may be her greatest cheerleaders

Yeah that’s the thing. Other people in the group may actually like Sue or at least not be so irritated by her flaws (I mean no-ones perfect).

I suppose you could try challenging her on her behaviour (in a proper grown up way by speaking to her directly, not the PA “Sue is your round” as pp suggested - that could also come across as bitchy/childish because it will look like a sly dig)

I too think you all need to address Sue’s behaviour. A simple “it’s your turn to cook/tidy up etc should do it.

She'll hopefully get fed up of having to do her share and stop coming with or she’ll do her bit.

I agree with this. I think you risk coming off bitchy by trying to rearrange the weekend without Sue. If the others haven't said anything, then it's possible they like Sue and don't see what you see.

I think you have two options;

1. go and address Sues behaviour as it happens. "Sue, your turn to cook, we've all done it". "Sue, sorry to be a pain but is that mess yours?". Not great to have to do this though.

2. decide it's no longer something you want to do and politely decline. IF someone asks you why, you can say that whilst you've loved the getaways before, you aren't sure you're compatible with Sue on this type of trip so are going to skip this one.

I get that you'd like a getaway without Sue, but I wouldn't get bitchy and underhand. Either address it head on maturely and kindly or remove yourself from the situation.

Leave group, make new group with 6 and then ask the others excluding sue. This will make you look Abit nasty but you don't have to deal with sue. Or be an adult and ask sue if she meant this or that. What the others think, not 6 about sues behaviour

But I think the people suggesting she can pick off the other members of the group one by one and remake it without Sue are being naive. In practice this would come across as pretty bitchy, it would lead to repercussions and OP would lose the moral high ground

Yes that’s what I think. Don’t make it to obvious you want to exclude her as it may backfire.

Can you go on the trips, but call her out on her poor behaviour?

"Suze - your round" "Shall we do a kitty to make it fair" or actually just use splitwise then it's all completely fair "Suze it's your turn to clean up" or "Shall we do a clean up rota to make it fair?" "Suze that thrash metal is giving me a headache can you turn it off". I bet the others will be secretly grateful and Suze will naturally exit the group.