…to leave a lovely friendship group because of one person?

If you enjoy the others company & want to go then go & avoid 'Sue' as much as possible. Call her out on her behaviour, like when it's time to tidy up suggest jobs for her or remind her at the bar it's her round. Encourage the others to pull her up too if she's not pulling her weight or being rude so it's not all on you.

I don't understand how 5 grown women have allowed someone to take the piss and not pay their way for so long!

OP given by how willing the group is to make plans without this lady it would appear that they too have had enough of her. I wonder how this lady would react if she found out that she has been excluded mind you. She sounds like a drama llama so I imagine a dramatic response from her may be on the cards.

Could this person have additional needs? I say this because my sister has dyspraxia and can seem like she’s oblivious to some things. She never offers to pay or help and leaves empty crisp packets and drinks can lying around rather than binning them. She’s not a terrible person though. She will gladly help, pay or clean up after herself if prompted. It’s a combination of a lack of confidence to take charge in social situations and feeling overwhelmed so needing specific instructions. Maybe go on the trip and try asking her nicely to do things. It’s sad if one person loses the friendship of the whole group.

Definitely don’t go away with them all - your time and money are worth more than this. Also not really fair on the rest of the gang. I’d avoid making big decisions, take each event as it comes. If you fancy it join in but if not don’t. If you’re organising something for you feel free to invite a couple of the others but don’t feel under pressure to include Sue. These friendship groups are often so much hassle! Good luck :)

No, Sue was there from the start. She didn't turn up and ruin it. They should've been clearer on splitting bills and tasks.

Oh sorry, I see you've already taken action....☺️

I would send a message saying
"I'd like to come away with you all but I want to state now that (going on previous experience), we need to agree that we're splitting all costs equally and rooms will be allocated before we arrive to stop any animosity."

I'm afraid this happens all the time OP. It happens in friend's groups, workplaces, book groups...everywhere. You get a nice bunch of people, with a nice dynamic, and then boom, someone shows up and ruins everything. And nine times out of ten they're oblivious to the fact. They don't think they're horrible. They think they're great – or just don't think about it at all.

Well done @Ndujauser - I bet the others are really pleased you've said something, especially friend 6.
You really don't need to socialise with people you don't like - something quite different to being polite and inclusive to everyone at a shared hobby.

If you do go I would suggest a whip so she can't dodge any payments. Or say I'm paying for myself.

Could you say us 2 will cook you 2 can wash up.

All very wimpy but I'm a wimp in situations like this.

Thank you. I had zero clue as to what Morris Dancing is. Now I do. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. 😆😉

I'm not sure. It seems a bit bitchy to surreptiously leave and set up your own group.

Go on the weekend, then talk to everyone else afterwards. Make clear notes of all the things she does that upsets you. If you all agree then someone needs to man up and tell her that you are all leaving the group because her x,y,z behaviours are not making you feel OK. Up to you whether you give her the chance to change or just tell her goodbye - but she should have a heads up at least.

Not easy......

Quite a rare example of the other side of the posts where a friendship group (the OP literally used this expression) freezes one member out without warning. Interesting to see how much support this got when it's an approach quite roundly condemned on the other types of post.

People can do what they like within the law. It isn't mandatory to consider others' feelings and it can take more effort but what would you have preferred, honestly? People don't always realise they are taking the Mick in small ways or not being a great fit. Just seems heavy handed and a bit cowardly to go from not daring to speak frankly for years to cutting her out entirely when there is the hobby connection meaning she can't just sever ties entirely if left feeling humiliated and confused.

@lucindasspunkyfunkyvoice solution seems painless enough to try.

I know this is derailing but @Ndujauser is it taxidermy? Or Morris dancing? Whenever someone says “odd hobby” or “not very many women in the hobby,” I always think it’s either taxidermy or Morris dancing. If it’s intentionally bad taxidermy (or I suppose, intentionally bad Morris dancing, though some claim that’s hard to tell), that’s even funnier.

I have a similar friend in a group

none of us has a problem with calling her out. It’s done in a gentle way but we’re consistent

and it keeps her in check

My criteria for a group of friends is that everyone in the group considers the other members friends.

In this group, several people don't consider Sue a friend. She's someone they met through a hobby.

flipping heck how high is your criteria for what constitutes a group of friends, if frequently meeting up outside of the hobby for SEVERAL YEARS, knowing one another's partners, celebrating birthdays together, and going on multiple holidays together isn't enough?

Yes the hobby was HOW they met but they then became friends. How on earth would you get to a 'friends' classification otherwise if the way you met excludes you from it? 'They're a group of people who met via work/school/university/church/kids school/volunteering/gym, not a group of friends.'

😆

100% this. ^ 👏

MN can be a bit of an echo chamber. If Sue posts on here that a group of friends from a mutual hobby are planning a big trip without her, she'll be told that you're all bitches for excluding her

Yes, but only because 'Sue' wouldn’t add in the crucial details that she was lazy and tight.

It just needed one person to be open about it and suddenly it falls into place for everyone. Just no-one wanted to be first. Well done on it being you.

That’s a great update and good news.

This