DH offered EX-wife his jacket

it would appear that both him and his ex were given strong words of advice prior to the wedding to behave. she on other family occasions has been curt and rude to both him and me, and DH in turn, although has not been rude or hurtful, has been vocal to those around about her demeanor and manner

I think you buried the lead story here, tbh. Two (late) middle-aged people who are still sniping at or about each other many years after a divorce suggests deeper issues. They had to be told to "behave" at the wedding? How embarrassing!

It's not the offer of his jacket that should concern you, it's the depth of feeling these two seem to have despite the passage of many years and a remarriage.

You sound very insecure for someone whose relationship is solid.

It was a wedding. She probably looked good. Perhaps he was suffering from nostalgia given it was probably the first they had a civil conversation.

Jacket is a nice gesture. Only an issue if you were standing there shivering at the same time.

You trust him or you don't. It really is that simple.

Keep on looking at her is a bit strange. The cost thing I think is fine, offering a coat to the mother of his son who looks cold? If you were also looking cold and he chose to offer it to her instead of you then I would say that was wrong

I would also feel that way, irrational as it is.

Sounds like his intentions was good but yeah I would probably be a bit miffed about it given its a ex If my ex dh gave me a coat I'm certain my other half would be unimpressed

i suspect she still has feelings, DH also admits this may be the case (not reciprocated on his part i am totally 100% sure of) i just feel that this very intimate action may have actually been a wrong move on his part?

If she does have feelings for him then he’s not handling it well and she certainly won’t be 100% sure that it isn’t reciprocated.

I like to think that I would be okay with the cost but haven’t been in that situation so don’t know. I wouldn’t be ok if he kept looking.

This wouldn't bother me. I expect he'd have offered his jacket to any woman who seemingly appeared cold in those circumstances. It comes across that he was just being gentlemanly

Maybe he hadn’t seen her for a long time… Just curiosity?

He sounds like a decent man

He sounds like a considerate gentleman. You can’t erase his history and she will always be his son’s mother. He should be respectful of her.

Assuming no background, YABU. My parents spend time together now they share grandchildren. They’re very civil and I could see my dad offering my mum his jacket. They definitely definitely do not harbour any romantic feelings!! They’re not even friends but they’re tolerant and polite.

Always keep in mind she is the mother of his child.
So what is wrong with him making her a bit of company if she is standing on her own on a public event? Or offering a jacket if she is cold.
Did you yourself engage with her? Did you talk to her and spent some time with her and you DSS at the wedding?
If there is no further background to this, you are being jealous.
If there is a background, then it could be a very different story here.....

I think the coat thing feels intimate and I would be jealous too

You can't help feeling what you feel, but it's not reasonable to let that irrational jealousy dictate what your partner can and can't do. If my partner told me I shouldn't make a considerate and completely innocent gesture towards an ex at a family wedding just because it made him jealous, I'd tell him where to go.

Why would still be stewing about this now? I think it was kind to offer his jacket and I’m not sure how real it was that he was looking at her all the time

Well, if he’d taken your coat off and given it to her, I’d see your point…

Is there some massive drip-feed coming where you reveal that your entire relationship is awful and he's had numerous affairs or something? Because otherwise you just sound controlling and paranoid to me.

I don't see the problem with him offering her his jacket if she looked cold? It's not like he suggested she cuddle up to him to share his body heat, ffs.

And I think you're being paranoid about him 'glancing over to her'. And so what if his son is a grown adult? You don't stop loving your kids and looking at them just because they're adults.

When I was with my previous partner, he used to interrogate me about 'looking at' other men. I never actually was looking at other men. He was just obsessively jealous.

All I'd see is someone being thoughtful. Assuming that you weren't shivering and he walked past you to offer the jacket to her instead.

I have two divorced friends who maintain good friendships with their exes. It makes me think well of them, and of their new partners.

It was a family wedding so lots of people there that your husband and his ex both know from before you were together. Very possible that your husband was looking out for her for some reason to do with family history/stuff…

My Partner is close to his ex and I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if he spent time with her at an event like this.

I think maybe your partner didn't read into his actions too much but as a woman I think the coat thing feels intimate and I would be jealous too.

This is an interesting one. If my husband had an ex, I would definitely want him to be considerate and respectful to her, but then, on the other hand, there's a chance of carrying that a liiitle bit too far. There's being considerate and then there's being chivalrous.

I wonder whose coat the op would have worn if she got cold?

I’m just being honest and saying I wouldn’t like it. I can’t even say exactly why…