DH offered EX-wife his jacket

Nope I’d be pissed off too. And I’d of said something there and then but if the jacket pissed you off imagine my surprise when my partner fully embraced ex with a massive hug and ushered me to the side to do it 🤬

He sounds like a decent man tbh.

The jacket thing wouldn’t bother me at all.
In fact it would make me love him more.

I would not be happy about him keep looking at her though but I don’t know how much that may have been you being paranoid, especially if you were uneasy about the jacket thing already.

It sounds like he was aware she was on her own and trying to keep an eye on her to make sure she was ok.

I would say he sees her as a friend and I really don’t think you would have anything to worry about.

It’s refreshing that they aren’t arguing tbh, you can be kind to the mother of your child without wanting to shag them.

Maybe the jacket thing was to break the ice?

He sounds decent to me, perhaps conscious that she was there alone and he was there with you. He didn’t want her to feel he was rubbing her nose in it and looked out for her. I think that is decent given he once loved her enough to actually marry her (and raise a child with her?). I don’t think it undermines his relationship with or commitment to you.

He could have been trying to be on his best behaviour to make sure you as a couple aren't banned from any future family events and was looking over, anxious that she might kick off with your attempts to display 'He's MINE now'.

And then you uttered the words that have kicked off a hundred thousand bar brawls 'What are you looking at HER/MY BIRD/MY BLOKE for?'.

they have been divorced for a very long time many years before me and DH met, however she was still in love with him then.

i suspect she still has feelings, DH also admits this may be the case

What makes you think she still has feelings for him? It wouldn’t be that your dh has given you that impression would it?

Aldo, if your dh agrees she still has feelings for him, and you know that - why is he going out of his way to be ultra nice to her in front of you? Odd.

I think this is a you problem, not a him problem tbh.

He was elderly, bleeding and vulnerable. This woman was not. She was just standing there hale and healthy. No point in comparing apples to oranges.

So you are 100% sure that he doesn’t have feelings for her, but she definitely does…..is that because she is a lonely woman and can’t possibly be content and happy?

an elderly man fell over and banged his head. He was bleeding. I gave him my coat for warmth and comfort which went off to the hospital with him. I didn’t realise I had committed an intimate act. I was just being kind.

some divorced people can be kind to each other. Ultimately, usually at some stage they had a loving intimate relationship and made children. I would help my ex if he needed me too. I know a divorced couple where the ex husband visits his ex in a dementia care home out of kindness and because she is the mother of his children. Perhaps if we were all kinder to each other instead of looking for trouble, jealousy and being cruel we would have a nicer world.

Sorry I wouldn’t like this at all, no. Far too intimate and not his place.

Amazed at all the “cool girls” on this thread. I also think what he did, offering his coat and going and standing with her bc she was alone comes across as very “virtue signally” - wanting to appear like a chivalrous/great guy in front of family members and also I’d wonder if he’d done it intentionally to piss me off. Does he usually try to provoke jealousy in you?

Its ok to not be ok with this despite what others on here are saying.

would he like it if you went over and stood talking to your ex-dh, offered him your pashmina to wear (🤣)and then kept looking over at him all night? No.

I think it’s very off behaviour personally, it doesn’t sound like he was making you his priority.

Chivalry is an added layer of politeness towards a woman. This isn't always a problem though. 'Ladies first' etc.
Giving someone your coat not only has been portrayed as an romantic act in countless movies, TV shows, etc. It's also a very personal item. And inconveniences the giver, they are saying that they'd take the cold and let someone else be warm. My DH's coat smells like him and I'd hate for another woman to wear it unless it was a genuine emergency!
Also... He was stood far away..but looking closely enough at her to notice she was cold.

It would be different if he held open a door, gave her a lift home or saw her carrying something heavy and offered to help which doesn't really inconvenience him at all.

BTW YANBU OP .
Even my autistic bad at social norms DH knows that this is unacceptable. There's no excuse although all the cool wives here will tell you that's it's OK.

@adviceaunt how in the world did you all end up at the same wedding??

What’s the difference (as in one is ok and one not) in being considerate or chivalrous?

It's entirely possible that he felt some kind of sympathy/empathy about her attending on her own and just wanted to be kind.

Weddings bring out all sorts of emotions.

You really don't stop worrying about your DC because they're adults. DS2 would be really uncomfortable at that kind of occasion, especially if there was also some awkwardness with his parents and a new partner. I'd be wanting to make sure he has OK too.

Giving her his coat is quite intimate IMO. It’s not the act itself but the consideration behind it. Given it was obviously cold and he chose to be cold himself so she could be warm.

It sounds like there are some unresolved feelings between them, possibly wedding nostalgia? It is quite a step to go from sniping and causing embarrassing scenes to caring enough to give someone your coat. I’m quite a nice person but I wouldn’t offer my coat to someone I didn’t like.

Lol so he's been slagging her off behind her back?

Yeah, at first I thought the offer of the coat was kind of chivalrous (maybe a bit old fashioned but in a charming way).

But now I'm picturing an aging, discontented man who can't stop complaining about his ex years (maybe even decades) after they split. ((shudder))

If your relationship is solid, then why are you so worried.

and DH in turn, although has not been rude or hurtful, has been vocal to those around about her demeanor and manner.

Lol so he's been slagging her off behind her back?

Your relationship is not solid if you got the arse about him lending her his jacket because she was cold.

"Very intimate"

Was he still WEARING the coat when he offered it her? 🤣

Maybe as it was a wedding it reminded your DH of their wedding and there may be a part of him that misses her. It doesn’t mean he necessarily wants her back but could have just been thinking about her and hence kept looking over