DH offered EX-wife his jacket

Too confusing for me.

Loads of ex wife's,

adult children that aren't his or are they?

Just one question...if the "coat taker " isn't biologically related to anyone and has been divorced for 20 years?

Why was she there and had to be warned about her behaviour?

Your husband was playing the role of "Knight in shining armour " and loving it.

My brain hurts trying to work it out.

A good man will be respectful and caring towards everyone, not just you.

Some women, a lot of women, seem not to want that, they'd rather play princess capturing exclusive use of their prince.

One day, you might be standing in EW's shoes, grateful that your former husband is solicitous toward you at awkward family events.

However, if you feel DH continually plays you off against others, that is a serious problem - but separate from a small kindness to his Ex in public.

Your husband is a good man.
He was not thinking of himself nor his ex but more so he was thinking of the bride.
He was making sure his step daughter was happy seeing her mother, father and step-parents getting along. I think he was showing care towards the mother-of-the-bride because it was a family wedding and he wanted nothing to marre his daughter's wedding day.
It was the occasion - the shared parenting long ago, the presence of the wife beater, making the speech and feeling fatherly that brought about a protective and observant host style of care. Thus, the kind coat act. You should be proud.

Perhaps it would have been nice if your husband had realised it was a cold day and then asked you if you're warm enough and offered you his jacket?!

I think the strangest thing is that this happened “earlier this year” and your still dwelling on it.

his behaviour is fine.
it’s also ok for you to have an emotive rewponse(jealous, anointed etc)
however dwelling on it indicates you are letting it bother you.

my partner’s ex will often call, late at night (after a couple of wines) and want to lament her troubles. She has an ongoing DV situation.

it annoys me that my partner feels sorry for her and tries to be there for her.
it also annoys me that she uses my partner as a sounding board because she doesn’t have anyone else in her life.

however, when I run though the scenario conversations in my head (don’t be nice to that traumatised drunk woman or can you please make some friends and leave my partner alone) there’s only me sounding like a jealous partner and I’m really not, so I let it slide.

your hubby sounds thoughtful and kind, don’t encourage that out of him.

Why is he an ex then? How strange.

YABVU. I have a 5 year old and am currently pregnant with my ex’s child. You can bet that if he thought I was cold, anywhere, and while with anyone, he would give me his jacket.

he will also keep an eye on me when we’re at social gatherings together for any reason, because I am the mother of his (soon to be) two children and the love/care he has for me stems from that fact.

He sounds like a kind respectful man who acts appropriately towards the Mother of his (albeit adult) child. Bet his son won’t be single for long with a shining example from his Dad of how to behave to a woman.

Mmmm….in the absence of any other issues in the relationship or reasons to mistrust him, I wouldn’t be too worried.
The jacket thing- perhaps he was just being caring?
Although they are divorced, this doesn’t mean he stops caring and it doesn’t mean he doesn’t occasionally reminisce or think about how she’s doing or feel curious. That’s normal to an extent isn’t it? He might have glanced over and thought she looked nice or had a memory about their wedding or something. Friendly, affectionate, caring feelings towards someone you used to love don’t just disappear.
If you think he was overly attentive or staring at her all night then talk to him about it

The jacket wouldn't bother me if it came from a place of kindness and my dp is basically a nice guy. But if it felt move like a calculated move that would bother me.

The staring would definitely bother me. My ex and I split 18 years ago I never feel the urge to be anything other than bare minimum polite at family events.

^ This

That being said if I was in your situation not sure I would particularly like it

I think it’s good that he still cares and wants to make sure she is comfortable at an event. Also just because the son is 29 doesn’t mean you can’t be worried about them and check they are ok, maybe he is sensitive about being single/weddings so he wants to keep an eye on him.

If he shouts her name during 'special cuddles' then there is definitely an issue.😉 Otherwise, I think he was just being kind. When you married him you knew he had an ex, so she will always be part of his history ... particularly with offspring involved.

I'm guessing there is more too it than him giving her a coat...

It all depends on your Husband and their relationship. My husband is on good terms with his ex wife and this is probably the kind of thing he would do without even thinking how it would look. But from another person, this may be odd. If my ex husband did that to me it would be very odd!!

YABU. HTH.

This

This thread has been a wild ride

And oh no it touched her BARE ARMS

I don't really think the jacket is an issue per se, but I notice both on this thread and your other one, you describe yourself as "stuck in the middle" of this family, when, if I understand the relationships correctly, you're really only quite tangential to the stepdaughter and her wedding. As the third wife of this man, and not related by blood to any other person present, it's hard to see how anyone except your DH would really be concerned with your feelings one way or the other.

I don't want to say yabu, but I do think if you felt this uncomfortable both before and after the wedding, the person whose attitude towards you is a problem has to be him - in other words, this isn't about the wedding or the jacket or even the ex-wife, but about how central your importance seems to be in his life more generally. I know you say your relationship is solid, but your decision to start multiple threads here seems to say otherwise. I hope you figure it out. It's horrible feeling insecure.

MN is vile... its toxic... litterally nasty yes it can be all them things.
But i dont think you liked the truth.
But you are happy now so it was not that bad was it.
Lets hope he dont lend her his gloves for winter.

Wouldn't walk up to a stranger and say "you look cold, would you like to borrow my coat?" But if I was talking to them and they were visibly frozen, and I didn't need my coat, I'd offer. If, as I said, I didn't think they'd then scoot off with it.

this has been playing on my mind for a while

That is directly copied and pasted from your OP

I'm so confused what is actually going on