DD’s school constantly wanting money and donations

I had a an ultra-religious* HT who kept haranguing children for donations. (I'm not exaggerating - would complain during assemblies that not enough money had come in.)

I was a middle manager at the time and had to keep reminding him that our school was in an area with multiple indicators of deprivation. Nothing seemed to get through his thick skull.

Fortunately, he's no longer an HT.

*Relevant because he seemed to think that he was doing God's work.

My kids school (not SEN) do this too but I just don't send things in and tell them I can't afford to and I still send them in non uniform they're not gonna send them home because I failed to donate, it's not fair on children that rule of no donation=no non uniform and I really disagree that children should be punished because they aren't in a position to donate

£60 is excessive, don’t pay it . Schools are not allowed to ask for money that’s why they word it voluntary contribution, therefore it’s not compulsory . If they treat your child differently because you don’t contribute to every request write to the governors/council or MP .

I experienced this before COVID and CoL crisis but it was awful. Many staff dreaded these charity days as we knew many parents simply could not afford it particularly if they had 3 DC in the same school but would be asked for 3 lots of donations. Several staff suggested one donation per family by HT was having none of it. She was even more pushy for raffle donations for the Summer and Xmas Fayre.

Thankfully as a teacher I've never experienced this. It is hopefully quite unusual. In fact, in recent years all schools I'm aware of are pretty good at being aware of limiting charity days because of the CoL crisis.

What your school was doing was unlawful. Stop telling parents off for using the schools the way they are supposed to be used.

It IS distressing, and I have children who have been in that position, and have complained to schools about it. I also have family who wore the yellow star, and there is NO COMPARISON at all - the two situations are universes apart.

A child who can't donate to whatever is at slight risk of some minor embarrassment while continuing with their day to day education

A child wearing a yellow star was likely to have all education and medical services withdrawn entirely, or watch the individuals who tried to continue to teach or treat them being publicly shot.

and the children wearing stars would be at daily risk of hunger, violence, arbitrary shooting, bereavement, homelessness, torture, imprisonment and for many, eventual death.

Children who wore the yellow star 70 years ago have still carry physical scars today, as well as memories of the horrendous deaths of loved ones that didn't survive. I have relatives who had a limbs severed without aesthetic. For experimental reasons. Only one survived, and she lives without the limb, and the memories of her siblings bleeding and dying in the days after.

I don't really see how this can be equated with having to wear school uniform on a day when others don't. Particularly as it is not likely to be enforced, and particularly as there will likely be others who choose to , anyway.

I get that you didn't mean to be offensive. But actually, in my heart, I don't really get it. I don't see how anyone can equate these two things, angry as I was at my son's school for a system that publicly singled him out as an individual that could not donate one day. He's forgotten it I think. He was mildly annoyed on the day. My aunt has been crippled and traumatised and bereaved for life. That is what the yellow star meant.

I'm not going to my children's school's Xmas fair again, the amount of money you need to get every kid a little something is ridiculous for a school in a low income area.

There are no 50p-£1 cornflake and butterfly cakes - just a professional baker selling £3.00 cupcakes. There's no cups of tea from an urn and some custard creams, just expensive food vans and an expensive "proper coffee" van.

There's no bric a brac, but usborne books and brand new toys getting sold at full whack.

You can buy things your kid has made in class for £2-4 - the teacher will call you over to the stall to do so, and if you don't attend the Xmas fair the teacher will give you the hard sell for it at pick up time in front of your child.

My mum didn't have to pay for my bog roll Xmas tree angel when I was a nipper!

I agree. I foster a DC and he has SEND. He was put at the top of the queue for a place in a special school. In fact we got a choice of 2 special schools about 13 miles apart. I don't see how this is relevant to post though. I always sent in whatever school asked for. I also volunteered with swimming as I'm not only a qualified teacher myself but also a qualified swim teacher. I had to do yet another DBS to do it.

But staff are pressured into raising the missing money with DC on a daily basis. It doesn't stop after once or twice.

I was a teacher and my school used to charge £2 for non uniform or Pudsey Bear or Red Nose day or various other days. Staff were put under considerable pressure by Headteacher to collect all money. I felt terrible asking some students who I know were poor for £2 all the time. I just asked once then paid the missing money in myself to cover those kids who's parents didn't pay. I know my friend in another class did this too. Unless you get a teacher who pays on behalf of child it will be noticed if a child arrives in their own clothing and doesn't pay. I've seen DC told off and pestered for the money on a daily basis. Don't put your DC in that position.

Pools are really expensive to heat and run. And it sounds like at an SEN school that's really important. But as others have said, this isn't on you. You can't afford it. I think you should email the school and let them know.

@HOTD7383 My DS is indeed at a specialist school. His is SEMH and mainly secondary and there are many children in care. Being in care is likely a cause not a consequence of their SEN.

My friends both have secondary aged children at our local LEA MLD school and they have classmates who are in kinship care. It is not as common at that school. But it happens.

And my other friend's daughter was at an LEA PMLD school and they could not get parent governors due to the number of children in foster care. There, it was indeed often due to the children's severe needs meaning the family couldn't cope full or part time.

I'm sorry but it wasn't intended to be offensive, it is just that the school is publicly identifying a particular group of children for not providing a donation, which puts parents in a difficult position and is likely to be distressing for a child.

with regard to the fund raising, just ignore it. You can tell the school you can't afford to participate, so will be ignoring it, or you might choose not to do that. Up to you. I probably would contact then and say.

dont be ridiculous - that is a really offensive thing to say

If it’s a state school then it is unlawful for the school to charge you (via the requirement for a donation) for your child to take part in a school day activity that other students have access to. So you can just refuse to send anything in, including for non-uniform days.

The only things schools can charge you for in school time are music lessons if you request them and the materials for an activity where you have indicated that you wish your child to bring home whatever they make during it (if you do not want them to bring home their glitter picture/chocolate chip cookies/badly painted mug/etc. the school must pay for the materials and still let them participate the same as child who has paid for the materials).

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/5af99c8ae5274a25e78bbe30/Charging_for_school_activities.pdf

"It's such a shame schools have to fundraise for ordinary things..."

I hardly think the school's own on-site swimming pool is an ordinary thing @bows101

Very, very few schools even have such a privileged facility.

if they can't afford to run the pool, then drain it and close it down.

It's not essential for education.

It's such a shame schools have to fundraise for ordinary things 😢 but sadly it's the way their budgets are. Dont feel obligated to have to donate, like you say many parents are probably in the position of not working/working PT to care for their children. Sadly not unlimited funds.
Luckily, our school doesn't accept alcohol and it's quite a large mainstream primary with a great SEN provision. Many of the affluent parents make up the donations on behalf of the poorer families.

Where on earth did you magic that information up from? 😂 DD has always been at specialist schools and we’ve never come across one child that’s in care. What nonsense honestly. My mum works in a mainstream school and she’s come across multiple children in care, so maybe you should get those facts right before spreading false information about children with additional needs.

Children in care are often put to the front of the queue for a space in a specialist school. Same with actually getting a diagnosis, children in care do not have to wait like others and are prioritised. So there does seem to be larger numbers of them than not.

That's not a bad shout. Supermarkets too. We used to canvas for prizes for girl guides fundraisers and lots of places were happy to donate a box of chocs or bottle of wine.

Honestly ask your local free cycle site for items to donate my local one is lovely anything to stop things going to the tip or not being used. Especially if you have time to go and collect the items.

Make the school aware that you will always be a member of their community and will give what you can but it will ebb and flow with life pressures

You could always try a fundraising event to help raise money and get involved with the organizing if that's something you could do

Give what you can but don't feel obliged.

Direct your anger towards the Conservatives who have let the state system become so badly funded.

That’s not what I got from the pp comment at all

And? Why is that on the OP and/or other parents who genuinely cannot afford it? I don’t think you understand how tight money is when you’re a carer for DC and you’re not working because you spend so much time caring. I care for both of my DCs that have disabilities/additional needs, I work part time AND money is still tight.

Don’t give what you don’t have OP. I don’t think it’s fair that children will be punished and signaled out for having to wear school uniform. How mean is that