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Original poster

Invited friend extending invitation.

146 replies

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 22/04/2024 14:20

Hi, I invited a friend to come and stay for a long weekend. She'll be travelling around 400 miles/under 2 hour flight if that helps.

She has extended the invitation to Mabel.

There was no invitation for Mabel.

Mabel is her Maltese dog.

We don't have pets and live in a small two bed.

I think this is quite rude as I now have to be the bad one "uninviting" Mabel.

Do pet owners assume this when they get an invitation?

Her reply has brought back memories I'd forgotten of her cf behaviour from when she visited 3 years ago
.
She was then meant to leave on the Sunday evening, but when I started preparing to say goodbye, she announced she'd now leave on Monday instead because of made up xyz. Poured herself a glass of wine and spread out on the sofa.
DH and I had been looking forward to a relaxing evening but figured she must be going through stuff and couldn't really throw her out.

She left after we'd got back from work. Can't believe it as I write it!
And regretting extending the invitation.

Goes without saying, I used to be a people pleaser. How do I say no without looking like the bad one, which is her intention?

I being U to say No?

Thanks.

OP posts:
Aria999 · 23/04/2024 13:57

Now you just need to figure out what you will do when she turns up with Mabel on your doorstep anyway....

pontipinemum · 23/04/2024 11:33

I have a dog spoilt pooch but I wouldn't for a minute think he is invited to come to a friends house for 1 hour or 2 days.

Stay firm, sorry Mabel.

WineThirty · 23/04/2024 11:26

Small dogs are allowed in the cabin in some countries (which is why you sometimes see this on the TV or at some overseas airports), but UK does not permit this (not sure if the problem is inbound flights or outbound of both). Some airlines do not even take dogs in the hold and they have to go on a separate cargo flight. There is no way i would put my dog in the hold/on a cargo flight (he would get so so stressed), so need to wait until i can afford a private jet before flying anywhere with him!!

Ilovemyshed · 23/04/2024 11:13

As the visit is a while off, just invent a non- negotiable cancel white lie - something like a wedding invite or scheduled minor operation or work shift.

Along the lines of "I'm so sorry to do this but xxx weekend no longer works for us. Me/DH has been on the list for a very minor but needed medical/procedure and it has been scheduled for that date (weekends are fine btw , private hospitals do it)
and so we will have to reschedule. Will come back to you soon xx "

stayathomer · 23/04/2024 11:02

Op don’t invite people you don’t like, etiquette where you invite someone just to tick a box and say you hosted them is nothing compared to having someone you really want there and enjoying a visit. That goes for both host and guest. Not fair on either of you

BlastedPimples · 23/04/2024 10:32

Would you really be so bothered if she took umbrage and thought you were the bad guy?

Sounds like it might be nicer to be well rid of her.

LauderSyme · 23/04/2024 10:29

I am proud of you OP 👏

Drawing boundaries is hard. Well done 🙂

Therealjudgejudy · 23/04/2024 10:24

Stand firm op!

MeridianB · 23/04/2024 10:08

I vote cancel the whole trip. Because she’s been a rude house guest before and will no doubt be again. That’s quite apart from the dog.

She knows what she is doing and doesn’t have the slightest hesitation in abusing your friendship so don’t feel bad for a second about cancelling.

Life is too short to grin and bear it with CFs!!

Dareisayiseethesunshine · 23/04/2024 10:03

I foresee poor Mabel would be jet lagged and need at least a week(or 2!) to recover before she could make the trip home.

LifeIsJustOneBigWTAF · 23/04/2024 09:57

Good for you OP 💪🏻 And if she does turn up with the dog, you can practice your newly found boundary-enforcing skills by refusing to let them in. You may also want to make sure she knows in advance that there is a definite end date/time for her visit and not allow her to abuse your hospitality again. See? Once you start saying 'no' to cheeky fuckers, it gets easier! Good luck x

Original poster
Treesandsheepeverywhere · 23/04/2024 09:42

Thank you all.

@MrsSkylerWhite , dogs are allowed and neighbours have them.
She'll realise it's us who don't allow dogs but I didn't want a why? coming back.

I really should cancel but she's part of a friendship group and the other two will visit separately.
If I get this visit out of the way, I'll have done my bit and won't invite her going forward.

OP posts:
Zooeyzo · 23/04/2024 09:41

Most buildings only allow cats.

CanaryMary · 23/04/2024 09:32

You need to cancel her visit full stop!! Just message and say I’m really sorry we can no longer host that date as we’re going away/family occasion/ party (or insert some other event)
then say sorry about this will get some other date soon (then don’t)

MrsSkylerWhite · 23/04/2024 09:25

Does your building allow dogs?

ARichtGoodDram · 23/04/2024 09:25

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 23/04/2024 09:16

Thank you @LemonyFace , I sure hope so.
Many also saying she'll bring it anyway, if she does, I'll have to bear it as there isnt anywhere close to leave it but she'd never set foot again.

If she brings her anyway then direct her to Airbnb. Do not let her bring her dog into your home.

IncompleteSenten · 23/04/2024 09:24

No. You don't have to bear it.
You can refuse to let her in.
You may choose to give in but you don't have to. It would be your choice.

AmandaHoldensLips · 23/04/2024 09:22

If she brings the dog, don't let her in.

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 23/04/2024 09:18

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 23/04/2024 09:16

Thank you @LemonyFace , I sure hope so.
Many also saying she'll bring it anyway, if she does, I'll have to bear it as there isnt anywhere close to leave it but she'd never set foot again.

If she brings it anyway PLEASE don't let her in. You've been very very clear and if she's rude enough to ignore you she'll have to make other arrangements

Original poster
Treesandsheepeverywhere · 23/04/2024 09:16

Thank you @LemonyFace , I sure hope so.
Many also saying she'll bring it anyway, if she does, I'll have to bear it as there isnt anywhere close to leave it but she'd never set foot again.

OP posts:
LemonyFace · 23/04/2024 09:12

Good for you @Treesandsheepeverywhere, nice clear message that doesn't give her room to say... oh Mabel will be no bother...

Original poster
Treesandsheepeverywhere · 23/04/2024 09:08

Have gone back with: "Don't allow pets in the house."

Didn't say who doesn't allow them, us or landlord. Date is a while away so didn't address that. Don't want to get drawn into Mabel's sitters arrangements so didn't mention her either.

Hopefully that will be the end of it!!!

I certainly wish I hadn't extended the invitation, but I really didn't forsee this cf'ry. Who does that!
Last visit was ages ago and had almost forgotten about it.
Won't make that mistake again after this visit.

I was hoping she'd have second thoughts and delete the message before I opened it.

I also replied to the non related message separately and in detail, so the previous one is now way up.

DH thinks she wants to bring Mabel so she's not tied to rushing back for her, thus having the option to extend her stay as it suits.... again, hadn't thought of that!!

Thank you for the suggestions and support. I was scared to reply but she's clearly not scared to come across as a cf.
She knows I'm soft, hence the pushback. She'll be wondering what's got into me 😂.

OP posts:
BobbyBiscuits · 23/04/2024 07:43

My cousin is a vet and she's kicked people out her house before when they've turned up with an unexpected dog in tow.
They are messy, chaotic animals and their hair and slobber is grim. Tell her you don't have dogs in the house and she can stay at a dog friendly hotel. Hopefully she won't bother coming at all.

Pottedpalm · 23/04/2024 07:41

Your mistake was to invite her/agree to her stay, after last time.

sonjadog · 23/04/2024 07:37

If you ignore it she will turn up with the dog.

Just say no. It is a useful lifeskill to develop.

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