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Original poster

Invited friend extending invitation.

146 replies

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 22/04/2024 14:20

Hi, I invited a friend to come and stay for a long weekend. She'll be travelling around 400 miles/under 2 hour flight if that helps.

She has extended the invitation to Mabel.

There was no invitation for Mabel.

Mabel is her Maltese dog.

We don't have pets and live in a small two bed.

I think this is quite rude as I now have to be the bad one "uninviting" Mabel.

Do pet owners assume this when they get an invitation?

Her reply has brought back memories I'd forgotten of her cf behaviour from when she visited 3 years ago
.
She was then meant to leave on the Sunday evening, but when I started preparing to say goodbye, she announced she'd now leave on Monday instead because of made up xyz. Poured herself a glass of wine and spread out on the sofa.
DH and I had been looking forward to a relaxing evening but figured she must be going through stuff and couldn't really throw her out.

She left after we'd got back from work. Can't believe it as I write it!
And regretting extending the invitation.

Goes without saying, I used to be a people pleaser. How do I say no without looking like the bad one, which is her intention?

I being U to say No?

Thanks.

OP posts:
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Hadsuchahardday · 08/07/2024 08:23

Can you update please. Dying to know what happened!

GoneFishingToday · 28/05/2024 16:52

Why would the friend group be awkward OP? Surely you don't allow other people to dictate who comes to your home and who doesn't? I really can't think of anything a friend could say to me that would make me feel awkward about blocking a CF! Who knows, maybe the rest of your friends would like to do the same, but like you, are people pleasers, and afraid of her wrath? Get her gone OP, it really doesn't sound like she adds anything pleasant to your life.

Original poster
Treesandsheepeverywhere · 28/05/2024 14:53

Thank you all. She hadn't mentioned it and was hoping to turn up and extend, with no consideration for DH & I's plans.
Hence wanting Mabel to tag along, so she didn't have to rush back.

I thought she might want to extend by a couple of days, not weeks!! Who does that!!

Can't believe she thought that would be an OK thing to do. Now know her cf'ry has no bounds.

Can't block as friend groupwould be awkward but I've said to wait until she's settled and just won't bring it up again or make excuses if she does.

So exhausting.

OP posts:
AliceOlive · 28/05/2024 13:30

😮😮😮

Newestname002 · 28/05/2024 13:25

@Treesandsheepeverywhere

^I congratulated her on the new place and mentioned how she's lucky to have family she can go to till then.
Said we unexpectedly need work done so let's reschedule for after she's moved as she'll have a lot on too.^ Didn't offer and changed the subject.

Well done OP- very quick wired of you. Life should start to get easier, not just with this manipulative person, but in so many other scenarios. Onward and upwards. 🌹

WhereYouLeftIt · 28/05/2024 00:20

"I congratulated her on the new place and mentioned how she's lucky to have family she can go to till then."
Beautifully done!

Aria999 · 27/05/2024 23:49

I'm thinking this may be time to delete and block...?

NewName24 · 27/05/2024 22:48

Wow. That is some elite level CF- ery

Eddielizzard · 27/05/2024 21:53

from a weekend to THREE WEEKS!! She seriously thought she could pull that off?!??

GoneFishingToday · 27/05/2024 21:32

It sounds like now you've remembered what she's really like, you don't want her to come OP, so just tell her that unfortunately something's come up on the weekend you invited her for, and you can't get out of it. If she asks what, just say "I'm sorry, but I'd rather not discuss it, as it's a private matter'. Then don't bother inviting her again.

LemonyFace · 27/05/2024 21:12

Wow! How cheeky she is 😲
Glad you stood up to her & didn't have to go through with it.

Ineffable23 · 27/05/2024 20:45

Wowsers that is truly spectacular CFery. Well swerved.

crockofshite · 27/05/2024 20:33

Well done for swerving that one! Masterclass .

Original poster
Treesandsheepeverywhere · 27/05/2024 20:00

Navymamma · 27/05/2024 18:27

@Treesandsheepeverywhere how did the visit go? Did she still bring Mabel or
mention her?!

It went from bad to worse@Navymamma .

She got in touch eventually, initially about random stuff. So thought oh brilliant, she's taken it on board, no hard feelings and we can move on, except......

Turns out she'd given early notice at her place and wanted to bridge the 3 weeks before the next flat by staying with me.
Said she was going to be "homeless" so needs somewhere to stay.

She has family she could go to, who would take her in. Guess she thought better to try soft touch me instead.

Couldn't believe the c. f'ry of it all.

I congratulated her on the new place and mentioned how she's lucky to have family she can go to till then.
Said we unexpectedly need work done so let's reschedule for after she's moved as she'll have a lot on too.
Didn't offer and changed the subject.

So she's gone quiet again.

I thought she'd chance it with extending for a few days, not weeks!

OP posts:
Navymamma · 27/05/2024 18:27

@Treesandsheepeverywhere how did the visit go? Did she still bring Mabel or
mention her?!

whattimeisourflight · 26/04/2024 12:30

Dontbeme · 26/04/2024 10:23

At this stage I would just message her and say "As you have not replied I assume the visit is off, we can arrange something for another time" (never arrange anything for any other time)

I would not be waiting for her to just turn up with the dog and some sob story about how Lassie couldn't be left at home. Take the decision out of her hands so she cannot manipulate or blindside you.

This, but I'd also add that you will be making alternative plans, so she knows she still can't just turn up!

If she does, don't open the door.

BlastedPimples · 26/04/2024 10:47

I don't know why people think everyone should welcome their pets into other people's home.

I had one couple - new friends that we'd met on holiday - bring their uninvited dog when they came for lunch.

He cocked his leg and wazzed all over my kitchen island.

The couple didn't even blink. I said, "Your dog has wee'd in the house." And gave them kitchen roll and spray to deal with it.

Never bothered with them again.

Dontbeme · 26/04/2024 10:23

At this stage I would just message her and say "As you have not replied I assume the visit is off, we can arrange something for another time" (never arrange anything for any other time)

I would not be waiting for her to just turn up with the dog and some sob story about how Lassie couldn't be left at home. Take the decision out of her hands so she cannot manipulate or blindside you.

cadywidow56 · 26/04/2024 09:59

Oh god I hate people like this. It's perfectly acceptable to not like dogs/cats whatever and not want them in your home

When did it become a thing that people
Bring their pets to other peoples homes

lovecrazyhorses · 26/04/2024 09:58

Definitely make up allergies - say you' ll presume she can no longer come unless you hear otherwise .

Dareisayiseethesunshine · 26/04/2024 09:54

Find a local Airbnb so if she plays the Helpless Stranded Ddog Owner you have a plan proposal!

Fraaahnces · 26/04/2024 02:53

I can totally see this one turning up at 10pm with Mabel in tow, claiming it’s too late to drive back home.

Original poster
Treesandsheepeverywhere · 25/04/2024 16:14

exomoon · 25/04/2024 14:02

Do you have a video doorbell or a peep hole?

Don’t open the door if Mabel is with her!

And make it clear on the planned day that she has to leave as you have plans.

Edited

I definitely needto get a special Mabel ring doorbell 😅.

She'll either sulk and it's never spoken of again, or she'll say she can't find a sitter/ sitter cancelled at the last minute after she'd booked her flight.

It will still be a No as will then use landlord as an excuse.

Folk sure are strange!

OP posts:
exomoon · 25/04/2024 14:02

Do you have a video doorbell or a peep hole?

Don’t open the door if Mabel is with her!

And make it clear on the planned day that she has to leave as you have plans.

Original poster
Treesandsheepeverywhere · 25/04/2024 13:56

Thank you all, visit is a month away, so she has plenty of time to arrange something.
She'd been hinting at visiting for longer too.

I won't reply about the dog but will match her in ignoring it as I've said all I need to.

Happy to text non-related stuff, I won't just blank her but will mention closer to the date to confirm and if she brings the dog up, I'll stand firm in saying No.

It's a shame as she's good company otherwise.

I get that some people see their pets as almost kids but it's entitled to expect everyone else to feel the same.

I certainly am loving changing the narrative. Been a people pleaser for way too long.
Good luck @LauderSyme , we can do it!

OP posts: