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Original poster

Parents arguments bringing awkwardness to the house

42 replies

Howblueisthesky · 22/04/2024 14:08

My parents have come to stay with us. My dad had quit smoking for a few months and then my mum caught him smoking in our garden this morning. Now she’s angry with him and they’ve not been speaking. The atmosphere is awful in the house and when I took out for coffee this morning and no one spoke. My dad is moody with my Dd, 5 also, which doesn’t seem fair.
We’re all due to go out for dinner tonight, with Dh too after work, really don’t fancy sitting in an awkward mood for a few hours and feel it’s unfair on Dh and Dd

OP posts:
shepherdsangeldelight · 22/04/2024 14:34

Howblueisthesky · 22/04/2024 14:12

I grew up with these kind of moods/silences/tensions on and off and hate it, don’t want it for my Dd. Also, Dh has been working hard all day and doesn’t need it

Tell them now. And if they don't stop it ask them to leave. Repeat on as many occasions as necessary or stop seeing them if they don't get the message. You didn't have a choice about putting up with this when you were a child. You do now. And you can choose for your DD not to experience the same thing as you did.

EG94 · 22/04/2024 14:33

Was you told as a child “whilst you live under my roof you abide my rules” if so put that into practice and the rules are we are polite and courteous of one another and we do not allow our personal feelings to affect and disrupt the entire house. If you can’t keep your disagreements to yourself this living arrangement will not work.

saraclara · 22/04/2024 14:30

Farahfawsett · 22/04/2024 14:25

Put your DD in front of the tv or similar, take your parents to another room and say:

"Mum, Dad, I am not prepared for DD to witness the two of you fight and give each other the silent treatment, because I don't want her to grow up thinking that is normal when it's not.

You made me suffer through that as a child and I hated it; I would be a terrible parent if I let you do the same thing to my DD, so I will not allow it to happen in my home.

It's time for you both to leave, I suggest you get marriage counselling because I see now as an adult that your methods of handling conflict within your relationship is awful; it was a terrible example for you to set me and it is not an example I will let you set for my daughter.

When you both apologise to me and to each other and seek out the guidance you clearly need for healthy relationships then maybe you can visit again."

People don't actually talk like that.

I'll go with "Mum, you and dad have made the atmosphere in my house terrible. Can you both sort this out please because you're making us all miserable"

canyouletthedogoutplease · 22/04/2024 14:29

"Right you two, I could cut the atmosphere with a knife and I'm not up for any more of it. There's three hours until the DH is home and we are due to go out to dinner and you have a choice. You can either put your faces straight, and make sure you're decent company by 6pm, or I'm going to cancel your seats go with DH and DD and leave you two here to sort out your differences, and if you can't do that you are probably best heading home in the morning.

I'm going to nip out for some milk with DD now, have a think and let me know when we get back".

And put your coat on.

Farahfawsett · 22/04/2024 14:25

Put your DD in front of the tv or similar, take your parents to another room and say:

"Mum, Dad, I am not prepared for DD to witness the two of you fight and give each other the silent treatment, because I don't want her to grow up thinking that is normal when it's not.

You made me suffer through that as a child and I hated it; I would be a terrible parent if I let you do the same thing to my DD, so I will not allow it to happen in my home.

It's time for you both to leave, I suggest you get marriage counselling because I see now as an adult that your methods of handling conflict within your relationship is awful; it was a terrible example for you to set me and it is not an example I will let you set for my daughter.

When you both apologise to me and to each other and seek out the guidance you clearly need for healthy relationships then maybe you can visit again."

Original poster
Howblueisthesky · 22/04/2024 14:24

@PeaceOnThePorch What can I say to them
though?
I thought of asking mum if we’re still going out, I imagine she’ll look surprised and say yes, why? as she probably sees not much wrong with sitting around like this. Maybe then I can say because I don’t want to sit around in awkward silence and for Dd and Dh too…mind you, she might get upset with me for saying that!

OP posts:
Original poster
Howblueisthesky · 22/04/2024 14:21

@PeaceOnThePorch Yes I feel like this too, I feel quite strongly about it, I’m used to it but Dh didn’t grow up the same and I don’t want Dd to be in the atmosphere. It’s how they’ve always been. I asked mum if they’d argued and she said she saw him and just gave him a look and now dad’s moody and she’s angry, but they’ve not actually even talked! I remember growing up the confusion and not knowing what had gone on, I’d prefer in a way for them to argue and get it out of the way instead of just awkward silences and sitting around not talking.

OP posts:
Original poster
Howblueisthesky · 22/04/2024 14:18

@Applescruffle It was at times and it makes me feel anxious now tbh
Mum told me about it on a walk and how upset she was etc and how his dad died early of smoking related illness etc, I get it, I really do, is it wrong that I don’t want to be involved or want it brought to us? I mean, we have all our own things going on and our own life

OP posts:
PeaceOnThePorch · 22/04/2024 14:16

Howblueisthesky · 22/04/2024 14:12

I grew up with these kind of moods/silences/tensions on and off and hate it, don’t want it for my Dd. Also, Dh has been working hard all day and doesn’t need it

Same. It’s awful to grow up with and be around. It’s something that is never allowed in our house, from anyone. They’re in your house now, you don’t have to put up with it.

Londonrach1 · 22/04/2024 14:15

Cancel the.meal, tell them to grow up or go home. Your house so you don't want this in it! Or you, dd and dh go out and leave the the adults behaving like children at home

Applescruffle · 22/04/2024 14:13

They're being really rude and slefish acting like this and making you uncomfortable. Christ, gorwing up with them must have been hard.

But I would probably ask them to sort it out in a non confrotnational way. Something like "come on guys, I know you're angry with each other but I've been so looking forward to seeing you both so can we please put it aside for now and try to have a nice time?"

But in no way take a side or get involved in their argument. No "but it's hard to give up smoking, mum" or "well, dad you did promise you wouldn't" because that will make everything worse.

Original poster
Howblueisthesky · 22/04/2024 14:12

I grew up with these kind of moods/silences/tensions on and off and hate it, don’t want it for my Dd. Also, Dh has been working hard all day and doesn’t need it

OP posts:
PeaceOnThePorch · 22/04/2024 14:12

Tell them to sort it out or leave.

Original poster
Howblueisthesky · 22/04/2024 14:11

@something2say What do you mean?

OP posts:
something2say · 22/04/2024 14:10

Maybe cancel the meal out then and play to the reality of what is going on?

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/04/2024 14:09

Tell them, now, to sort it out or go home/book a hotel before dinner. They have no business creating a horrible atmosphere in your home.

Original poster
Howblueisthesky · 22/04/2024 14:08

*Them out for coffee

OP posts: