AIBU not to get a room [UPDATED] - title edited by MNHQ at OP's request

I mean yeah I assumed you had reasons for not cancelling - if you can, just do it. No 8 year old needs to be in a constant state of dread and tears about anything!

Stop the weekly calls! No wonder she is panicking.

She'll likely be fine with her dad but all the reminders is going to be anxiety producing.

God almighty - your ex sounds like an enormous drip. Why is he allowing these weekly calls? Is it when she is with him or is the bride calling you? Stop the calls for a start. Do you have 50/50 with him? Why is he not managing his lunatic sister who has reduced your daughter to daily tears and anxiety over this? At this stage I would tell your ex that if anyone in his family brings up this bloody wedding again and winds her up with absolute falsehoods about “the best day of her life” (wft?) she will not be going.

She’ll be absolutely grand on the day (especially if she can go home to Mum - sorry) but everyone has to stop turning it into an enormous deal to her in the meantime.

My dd’s were bridesmaids for a family member they barely know and were quite bemused by the zoom calls with relatives asking them if they were incredibly excited about it MONTHS before the (quite modest!) wedding.

She’s 8- I don’t think that you are storing future problems at all. It’s not like she’s 18 and off to uni in the autumn so should be able to make chit chat with new people. Saying that, dad should be supporting her during the day.

Have you considered pulling her out ? If it’s a showy wedding, bride and groom might prefer a nervous/sad flower girl not to be in photos etc is she close to ex’s sister anyway ?

Eh? She'll be with her Dad, so she will have a parent staying with her at all times.

Surely you just need to say to your Ex; "DD is really anxious about the wedding, make sure you stick with her and be aware that you may need to leave the wedding and go back to your hotel room if she becomes uncomfortable."

That would be unfortunate for him obviously if that were the case, but a decent father would know his child's limitations and would be prepared for such a situation if his child is being asked to do something outside of their comfort zone.

If a father can't look after his daughter what the fuck is he good for??

Oh just cancel. I’d never have forced my ds to do something like this if he didn’t want to, and was distressed and crying over, it’s torture for some people, never mind a little 8 yr old. Being a bridesmaid isn’t necessarily the massive treat it’s made out to be.

Don't make her be a bridesmaid if she isn't keen to do it, and if she's crying every day a month from the wedding she really doesn't want to go. Nobody should be telling her that's she's being a bridesmaid; she should have been invited to do it.

Book the room. Have a fab time chilling in hotel, room service etc, is there a Spa?

Won’t he dad be there to support her? Where is he in all this other than offering to get you a room? If she really doesn’t want to go I wouldn’t make her.

So she gets to be bridesmaid for the day/photo's, then ex drops her to you after so you get to be parent/babysitter on the guise if it being in her interest you being in a room nearby?

Ah OP, she's only 8...she's a little girl and that can be a massively overwhelming thing for her. The best thing you can do is take her, leave her for the day and reassure her you're just a few minutes away if it all gets too much. Once she gets there, she might well have a total blast!

You're actually teaching her independence but leaving the training wheels on by being nearby.

Am I missing something? Surely your daughter will be with her dad, grandparents, auntie etc? Can her father not look after her there?

My DD has been told she’s being a bridesmaid at my Ex’s sister’s wedding

This is the first red flag. Bridesmaids should be asked, not told.

There are weekly calls asking her if she’s excited & telling her it will be the best day of her life.

Second red flag. It should be the bride and groom’s best day of their life. Not anyone else’s. Especially a child’s. I was a flower girl/bridesmaid when I was around 8/9. All I can remember is being bored.

If I were you, and this whole thing was causing my child so much distress I’d contact the bride and say “sorry but she’s not coming”. Seems incredibly unfair on your DD.

The emotional support you offer her now will internalise as self-support. She's only 8. It's a pain in the arse but I think you really need to do this for her.

Has your daughter said it would be helpful for you to travel with her and be in the nearby hotel? If so, do it without hesitation to alleviate her distress. She's only 8.

She's 8 years old. She's more important than your night out.

She’s 8 years old. I don’t think that you travelling and staying to offer her some support and help with her confidence at age 8 is going to lead to an entire lifetime of dependence on you, most 8-year-olds doing something big in unfamiliar surroundings need parental support, and her dad is going to be preoccupied with the wedding.

Otherwise, if it’s really causing her this much anxiety and worry, she needs to tell her aunt (again, with your support) that she doesn’t want to be a bridesmaid.

Yes, you should get the room. She's 8.

Where is your ex in this? It's a wedding on his side of the family, he should be handholding.