She blames me for pneumonia

I'm afraid that would have been my likely response too. It would have hit the spot.

Teenagers do tend to thrash about, blaming everyone else for everything.

Hopefully, she’ll grow up soon.😉

This morning I was curling her hair and accidentally sprayed hair protector near her drink. She snapped at me that it's this carelessness that caused her pneumonia

^

Ahem.

Let me guess, you have a gentle parenting approach

While her work ethic is admirable and she is obviously academically talented, refusing the special consideration she is entitled to does put her at a disadvantage compared to her peers.

These allowances are to even the playing field, to make it fair for her, they are not to help her as in get an unfair leg up. I do wonder what the school might have said about it to influence her into thinking it is “help” when it isn’t.

I am surprised the school rejected it out of hand. They sound work shy imho, like they don’t want the ball ache of submitting the paperwork.

She just needs someone/ something to blame..Not acceptable but understandable after what she's been through.

For 3% consideration instead of 4%, JCQ regulation lists a “recent illness of a more serious nature”
with recent defined as “up to four months prior to the examination”

Being hospitalised for weeks for pneumonia is a serious illness.

Your DD should qualify for the 3% at a minimum, and may qualify for the 4%

That’s not exactly right. They can apply to circumstances that happen immediately before or during.
https://www.gov.uk/guidance/regulating-gcses-as-and-a-levels-guide-for-schools-and-colleges-2022/special-consideration

”Special consideration
Support for students affected by illness, injury, or other events outside of their control.
Ofqual defines special consideration as any adjustments given to a student who has temporarily experienced an illness, injury, or other event outside of their control at the time of the assessment which significantly affects their ability to:

• take an assessment
• demonstrate what they can do in an assessment

Special consideration is only for things that happen immediately before or during an exam or assessment that has a material effect on a student’s ability to take that exam or assessment, or on how they performed. To be eligible for special consideration students must have been fully prepared for the assessment and have covered the whole course. Students are not eligible for special consideration because their education was disrupted, either by the pandemic or for any other reason.”

and JCQ p7 says for a “very serious problem” like a “life threatening illness of candidate” and only during the assessment- which isn’t the same as on the day of the exam.
https://www.jcq.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2023/08/Guideto_spec_con_process_2023_24_FINAL.pdf

hope you get some rest now OP and I'm glad your DD is on the up.

Just wanted to say you sound like a brilliant mum. Your daughter has said something hurtful but she was probably exhausted. And as you said in a pp. If you weren't exhausted yourself from the ordeal you probably would have brushed off her words and forgotten about them.

look after yourself

I have had pneumonia as a teen and it is scary. At one point my temperature was so high, I was hallucinating. There were many nights in hospital that, I seriously thought if I fell asleep, I would die. I would continue to go easy on her. It’s a lot for both of you to have gone through.

Pneumonia is life threatening and perhaps she wasn’t saying you were personally careless, because she has a point that the GP was careless and carelessness did lead to her developing pneumonia. Her words were “it’s this sort of carelessness that…” I don’t think she meant you, your carelessness…she has a right to be angry at the GP and the NHS for almost making her a sad statistic with a coroners inquest on ‘missed opportunities.’ I understand why you took it personally, it was a clumsy way for her to word things, but she’s had a near death experience.

On a side note- ‘My choice, but it was necessary as she has her GCSE's in 2 weeks.’ Have you asked the school to work with the exam board on this? She has been so ill, I think that she should get an extenuating circumstances letter so her grades can be assessed accordingly.

Not necessarily a misdiagnosis. See my pp above.

A bit of a different perspective here; I am very unfairly (still) blaming my MIL for not helping me when I had pneumonia, I had a horrendous cough for weeks, was alone as DH was away on a business trip abroad, and one day I felt so weak that I messaged my MIL asking for help, and that I didn't feel able to get out of bed to take my daughter to nursery which is 10mn away. Very unlike me, first time I had ever asked her for help on anything. I asked her to come and help me, she didn't work on that day and lives 20mn away by car, and she didn't come. She advised me to 'work from home', completely misunderstanding the situation and how unwell I was (it wasn't even a question of me working, I could barely stand up).
When you're already very weak, you don't have the strength to advocate for yourself, so you just plough through hoping to get better. The GP didn't help me, my own MIL didn't help me and I felt completely abandoned.
DH came back from his trip and took me again to the GP who urgently sent me to A&E. By that point I was in the early stages of sepsis, full blown pneumonia in both lungs and placed in intensive care.
It took me a year to recover fully.
I am still resentful to my MIL to this day and it really damaged our relationship.

Your case is very different, but you need to understand your daughter went through the scariest moment of her life. If anything, it would probably help her that you showed some anger at the GP for not giving her the right diagnosis, or at her school for not allowing her to push her exams.Otherwise, how can she feel like she has a strong advocate in you? Some circumstances warrant some raised voices, whether it is with how GPs failed to see what was happening or with the school. Otherwise she will see you as a person who just won't support her when circumstances get difficult and just takes it on the chin without fighting for her.

Reading your post I have no doubt you are a fantastic mum who did her best, and she is unfair to you, but this is just to enlighten you a bit on her (probable) emotional turmoil.

It was a miss diagnosis by a GP which lead to the pneumonia.

You need to make this clear to her and instill some boundaries so she stops her attitude towards you.

They really can be total arses at this age- my son blamed me for not picking up the fact he had ADHD when he was younger- to be honest he just came over as a bit of an odd bod at times and it wasn't talked about as much.

Extra time no for exams but she get ask for special consideration for them so I would try and get that sorted.

it is hard on everybody and sometimes people say things they don’t mean at the people they love the most

Pneumonia can hit very suddenly, and very hard.

Last year I saw the GP with a very nasty bug I hadn’t been able to shake off after over 10 days. But no actual pain or difficulty with breathing.

Just a virus, he said, and to be fair, having checked me over properly.

That same evening, pneumonia hit me like an express train - sudden onset of shallow, painful breathing. 111, ambulance, blue-lighted to hospital, where pneumonia was followed immediately by pleurisy.
I was in hospital for 3 weeks and on ABs for 5 weeks altogether.

It took me several weeks to recover properly (I had a partially collapsed lung etc.) but was lucky to have been relatively fit in the first place.
🤞your dd recovers fully soon. I’m sure the illness will really have knocked her for six.

I'd have profusely apologised and put the curler down and said "You're right, I am careless and maybe I made you so ill, I'd better stop doing so much for you so you can be happier and healthier without me" and then done NOTHING for her until she apologised.