To be sad neither of my kids are very ambitious

Everyone here will say you’re being unreasonable but I hear you. All 3 of my children have been blessed with brains, but eldest has always lacked that drive. He’s lazy, expects things to come to him rather than going out and getting them. Youngest two are very driven and very committed to their studies. My DD does GCSE’s this year and is predicted top grades, so if she suddenly announced she was doing an apprenticeship in a low paying area I would be disappointed yes. Because I know she’s capable of so much more. If the apprenticeship was in something related to a high paying career then great, but if she’s predicted A’s and is going into a minimal wage career I’d be having a chat with her.

I want my children to earn well because life is tough for young people, and we live in the South East. A flat costs 300k. At one point my middle DS was thinking of a sports related degree but upon quizzing his thoughts a bit more we established playing sport was what he wanted to do. So unless Arsenal come knocking i said he would be better off going for a maths related career as that’s his thing, he got 97% at A level in maths and further (an A* was 70 odd percent). So I hear you, we want our children to reach their potential. Maybe they need a bit more guiding, maybe pull up some career websites and do some of those quizzes that suggest careers. DS is now at Uni and has an internship in his chosen maths related career and is really enjoying the sports there, running sports dept, he’s loving it.

My brother and I were not in the least ambitious, I didn't do very well in my exams and he didn't take his at all. We both went straight into jobs when we left school, me in a factory, him doing labouring. We both have always worked ever since.

We both have good, well paying jobs now though neither of us have been career minded. It's not all about the ambition, it's the dedication to work hard.

I think it used to be the case where going to uni and getting a degree was the track to getting a good career. I don’t think that’s the case anymore. I think you can get saddled with debt and not necessarily improve your career prospects. In my circle, people with confidence and entrepreneurship are earning more … quite a few without the benefit of a degree.

The acorns rarely fall far from the tree.

They're selecting the sort of jobs I'd expect the teenage children of a painter decorator and nurse to go into.

Son wants a trade, daughter wants to work in a caring role.

They may or may not be bright kids, but their predicted school results don't scream out anything spectacularly academic.

Honestly my peers and I were told this at school and I think it gave us entirely unrealistic expectations of how enjoyable or fulfilling a job should be. I’ve changed careers a number of times and have never “loved” any of my jobs. My main meaning and purpose and pleasure comes from family and relationships and personal goals outside work. I have managed to find a job that balances these aspects of life and for that I am grateful.

(I was able to retrain relatively easily because I had a good basis of education and qualifications that kept my options open.)

I don’t really know anyone who loves their job. Most people are satisfied if they manage to get the balance between hours of life sacrificed versus pay and conditions.

I’ll be advising my kids to find something that they are interested in and are likely to find adequately rewarding, both spiritually and financially. I’ll be realistic with them that all jobs have hard parts or boring parts as well as satisfying parts and encourage them to think about pay and conditions holistically.

Do you want the option to work from home? Do you want to be able to afford a foreign holiday in your time off? Do you want to work at weekends or out of hours? Do you want to earn enough per hour that you could go part-time and spend more time with your own children in the future? Etc.

Definitely - and retraining without any post 16 qualifications is going to be exceptionally hard and expensive and long. She has the opportunity to finish school now with good highers - for free! It would then be much easier to enter uni later on, if she wanted. If she doesn’t want to, she doesn’t have to, but it would be so much wiser to keep that option open.

YABU. They both have apprenticeships, that shows ambition to me. Also, there would be nothing wrong if they didn't have ambition, there is much more to life than a job. Leave them alone to get on with their lives - you can't live yours through them.

I don’t think you are unreasonable to be a bit disappointed OP, particularly for your DD as unfortunately childcare is (wrongly) a lower paid occupation but as pp says there are other options.

I also have a (young) 15-yr old doing Nat 5’s. He wants to start a business and is convinced he will be a billionaire! No idea of what business though, and dropped business management in S3 so I’m impressed your DC’s have had the maturity to actually think about career paths and apply for apprenticeships.

I was actually in a similar situation to your DC. I was bright achieved good SG but left school at 15 (was being bullied by the posh ‘clever’ kids so I’ll admit did massively affect this decision and it tainted my view of academics).

It upset my parents massively but I was just so determined. I ended working in a low paid healthcare role and did get a qualification and some really valuable life experience. I did eventually go to uni in my 20’s after having DC though, but it was the right time for me and I was fully committed.

Now my own DC is that age, I can share my own experience and the pros and cons. I advise them of the importance of having options and getting as many qualifications as he can before leaving school so if he changes his mind re career a bit easier if you’ve got the entry requirements.

I do think things worked out for me but if I’m honest I had to grow up a bit too fast at 16 so personally I want my DC to remain in school at bit longer and just have the space and time to be a kid. Plenty of time for adult responsibilities later.

They don’t seem to lack ambition because they have pushed themselves to do well at school and got apprenticeships. But at their age they won’t fully understand the impact of their choices.

Is your son suited to a trade? His subjects suggest he might. Perhaps moving on studying won’t suit him. And it’s a good solid, well paid career anyway.

But yes if your DD is good academically then I would encourage her to think through other options and not limit herself at this point. She could end up in an early years setting or she could find a related field that is better paid. I’d worry about childcare because of the pay and the conditions. There is nothing wrong with offering a bit of guidance.

I have 4 degrees and wish apprenticeships were a thing in my day I would of jumped all over it .
Owning a childcare business can be very lucrative and so is a trade your son can work all over the world and be self-employed. It seems you want them to be sheep and a slave to NHS or local authorities nope they are fine careers.

Well done to both for securing apprenticeships. These qualifications are increasingly very highly valued in the world of work, and many employers are looking for practical, hands on skills. And of course they will earn while they learn.

YADBU - this is the first step in their careers and will provide a very sound stepping stone. Senior roles and business ownership could follow - don't be disappointed!

You should be proud that both have got off their arses and secured apprenticeship’s

For those saying childcare pay is a pittance, working in private nurseries yeah, I worked for £9.50 and hour but have worked in council nurseries for last 3 years and paid £16 an hour which I think is fab!

My DDs are 15 & 14 and the least ambitious children I have ever met 😂 I probably should be a bit more worked up about it but essentially, I just really want them to be happy. I don’t care if they have minimum wage jobs … I will insist they work. However I doubt very much either will go to college. An apprenticeship perhaps but I’d even be surprised at that. They are both academically very high achieving and I figure that they’ll find their own path…in their work time.

I think your son has made a sensible choice. I don’t think your daughter has as childcare is low paid and hard work.

Don’t forget that young people will be entering an entirely different working world. We now have a ‘gig economy’ meaning that there are no careers for life any more. People can expect to have a minimum of 5 different careers in a working lifetime. Consequently it really doesn’t matter what your kids choose now, as long as they continue to acquire employability skills to help them in future.

I’m from a family who did well for themselves financial but not through education. I, like many at my school, were under a lot of pressure to do well and go to university. My father wanted to be a lawyer, but never had the education to do it, so really pushed me to be one. Cue a lot of arguments as I hit my teens. I’ll be honest, I often felt like a bit of disappointment and it did affect our relationship which was awful all round.

I did go to uni and I even got a post graduate degree. But, I can say that all my friends who are the higher earners did NOT go to uni. I also know countless where parents got this a bit wrong basing it own their own experiences or circumstances changed and their kids choices were for the best. Sometimes it caused the kids to completely meltdown under the pressure - Often it was trying to get the kid to follow in mum or dads footsteps…

I think it is natural for all parents to want the best for their children but also be careful here, times have changed. They do for every generation. I’ll bet thinking back you’ll remember times like this too. These aren’t unwise decisions, I know a nanny who owns a wonderful salary and flies around the world with her family to their various houses! Sure, she may tire of it with time and want her own family, be more settled etc but then she may well open up her own nursery or retrain. Plenty of people do change careers now multiple times. I’ve never met a carpenter who doesn’t love their job and they are always in demand plus his achievements at school already support this direction.

You have clearly done an excellent job, your kids sound bright, focused and forward thinking. Try not to put a cloud over their choices, it can lead to a lack of confidence which in turn brings the kind of genuinely awful choices you really don’t want them to make. They need to know mums always behind them and you also deserve to take time to be proud of yourself and them not worrying.

My only problem with the Childcare Apprenticeship is that it is a low paid profession. I’m not saying it should be, but it is. Is your daughter aware of the kind of salary she will be on even when out of the apprenticeship? It is not a lot to support yourself on and would concern me. The joinery would have no problem with - it is a solid trade and will always be in need. There are lots of opportunities working for someone else or for yourself.

You’ve got to be kidding me! I was £40k in student debt to never ever use my stupid degree. I was miserable. I would clap my kids from here to the moon for choosing a job they love not a stupid bit of paper with no real meaning. Different ball game if the want to be a teacher / nurse / architect but if not then kudos to them

Yes lots of careers working with children like child psychologist, speech and language therapist, play therapist, occupational therapist are all great jobs with more earning potential.

Child Psychologist

What magic is going to change childcare from a low-paid, low-status job? I mean, I agree it’s vital, but it’s hardly well-remunerated.

Getting apprenticeships is good. What if they do more college, go to uni, get in debt and still not get a job.

At the end of the day a parent just wants happy, content kids (of any age).

You are not keeping up at all with what is happening it the world. Any qualification to do with childcare is going to be vital in the future. Check out what it is exactly they must go through to qualify. Dear God are you serious not to respect a Joinery qualification? Just check what they can actually earn when qualified. Everyone needs a Joiner at some point or other. Your assumptions of these trades are wrong - there is vast potential to go on and get other qualifications if they so choose. With respect your regrets are old fashioned and your children are choosing careers that they will be happy in and will thrive in if you and your husband will let them. I'm almost 63, spent my life doing something that was chosen for me rather than what I wanted. There is no happiness in that. Leave them be with their choices.

I think joinery is such a fantastic career path, it's a specialist skill and there is room to make biiiiig money there. Look at companies like Artichoke etc, they can name their price. Apprenticeships are a great thing, they sound sensible and ambitious.