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Original poster

To not go on holiday with stepchild?

183 replies

Ponnnder8 · 22/04/2024 08:43

My parents are taking mine and DHs child away this year on quite a big special holiday.

DH is now asking that whilst they are away, we take my stepchild away by ourselves, DHs son. I have said no.

I don't want to go away without my child and would rather wait until our DC is back and all go together. I have never asked DH to go away without DSS so I don't think I should be asked to go away without ours.

He thinks I'm being unreasonable not to spoil DSS this time because our child is getting a special holiday. But I just do not want to go unless our child goes too.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 22/04/2024 09:19

He’s ridiculous.

InfiniteGoodVibes · 22/04/2024 09:18

If his dad is so bothered he should take him somewhere - just the two of them.

I cannot understand what the issue is here, and making it one will cause resentment between the siblings. They have different mums and different sets of maternal grandparents. Not everything will be the same and constantly trying to apply 'what is fair' is illogical and always destined to fail.

If you were all going to Disney and dss wasn't then there would be a point. But as it stands YANBU.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 22/04/2024 09:18

Honestly the best answer is DH takes DSS away just the two of them and you get some time to yourself. You say DH wants you there I would argue back at 12 he probably would prefer just him and dad perfect time as a almost teen to go away with dad and then you take a few days off and chill out !!!

Original poster
Ponnnder8 · 22/04/2024 09:15

tennesseewhiskey1 · 22/04/2024 09:00

Well yes it’s absolute shit for his son who’s not going - of course you can see that as well and as a family unit that you are - I guess your husband just wants to do something with you and him as well to soften the blow. You can not go if you just don’t want to of course but I see his view and I can empathise with him.

Surely it's only as shit as if it were the other way around though? Which may well happen at some point.

Imo this is just part of blended families. The children don't get exactly the same experiences all of the time because they don't share all of the same family.

I wouldn't expect DH to come away with me and our child when DSS went away with his mum because it was unfair. So I don't see why I am unreasonable in his eyes for not wanting to do the same.

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 22/04/2024 09:11

I think it would be really nice for his dad to take him on his own. I don't know why he wouldn't want that.

LittleMonks11 · 22/04/2024 09:03

I think then that you can wait until the little one gets back and all go together somewhere nice. If you can only go on one holiday during this time period.

LittleMonks11 · 22/04/2024 09:00

You're not excluding if it's at the same time. I think knowing the ages would bring perspective. Do they both live with you full time?

tennesseewhiskey1 · 22/04/2024 09:00

Well yes it’s absolute shit for his son who’s not going - of course you can see that as well and as a family unit that you are - I guess your husband just wants to do something with you and him as well to soften the blow. You can not go if you just don’t want to of course but I see his view and I can empathise with him.

Original poster
Ponnnder8 · 22/04/2024 08:59

Ages are

Joint child -5
Step son - 12

OP posts:
Original poster
Ponnnder8 · 22/04/2024 08:58

LittleMonks11 · 22/04/2024 08:57

That is harsh. One step sibling going to Disney. One step sibling staying home going nowhere. Assume it's school holidays though you've not stated ages.

But it could very easily happen the other way around? What if DSS's grandparents take him next year. Is it okay then to exclude him from our family holiday?

OP posts:
MahMahMahMahCorona · 22/04/2024 08:57

Thing is: some people have DSC who are teens and a mutual DC who is 4/5. It wholly depends on the age difference: if DGP are taking your mutual 4 yo DC to LEGOLAND, and your DSC is studying French for GCSE, you could absolutely benefit from a city break in Paris for example, without having to navigate such an experience with a much younger child.

Codlingmoths · 22/04/2024 08:57

He should take his child away. I wouldn’t go on holiday without my child either.

ChubbyMorticia · 22/04/2024 08:57

I’d flat out tell him, “I couldn’t imagine asking to go on a family vacation without SS because he went on a holiday with his grandparents. Why would you think it’s okay to do to our child? You’re basically punishing our kid for having a holiday.”

Original poster
Ponnnder8 · 22/04/2024 08:57

Cbljgdpk · 22/04/2024 08:56

It’s a difficult scenario but if DSS mum or maternal grandparents took him away on a holiday like that it’d be the same for your DC, it’s one of those things.

Exactly! This is what I think. It just is what it is. I'm not going to try and desperately make up for it by leaving our child out of a family holiday as I don't feel anything is being done wrong.

OP posts:
LittleMonks11 · 22/04/2024 08:57

That is harsh. One step sibling going to Disney. One step sibling staying home going nowhere. Assume it's school holidays though you've not stated ages.

Cbljgdpk · 22/04/2024 08:56

It’s a difficult scenario but if DSS mum or maternal grandparents took him away on a holiday like that it’d be the same for your DC, it’s one of those things.

Cbljgdpk · 22/04/2024 08:55

Maybe an opportunity for him to take DSS away for a couple of days just him? I wouldn’t want to go away either; I think a day out spoiling him would be nice though

Original poster
Ponnnder8 · 22/04/2024 08:54

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 22/04/2024 08:51

I would just tell him it is a perfect opportunity for a 'lad's weekend' and then chill at home by myself or do something I wanted to do.

I have actually suggested he go with DSS by himself but he doesn't want to. He wants us to make a fuss of him. To be honest, I think he's feeling a bit bad that our child is getting a special holiday (yes it's disney/universal etc.. - don't come for me!!) and DSS isn't. He won't admit it outright but I strongly suspect he's a bit wounded DSS isn't going. But we can't afford it ourselves and it wouldn't be reasonable to expect my parents to take SS so it just is what it is.

OP posts:
AstralSpace · 22/04/2024 08:53

Argh I meant to say Yanbu.

Offcom · 22/04/2024 08:53

You are not being unreasonable!

Whatsitcalled38 · 22/04/2024 08:53

It's no different to DSS going away eith his mum or mum's relatives and you wouldn't feel the need to take your DC away at the same time. But I'd think it would be a good opportunity for DH to have some 1-1 time with DSS.

AstralSpace · 22/04/2024 08:53

Yabu. As you said, dss goes with his mum. He could possibly go with his grandparents or other family too. That's fine.
Going away together without either of your and dh's dcs is a different matter.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 22/04/2024 08:51

I would just tell him it is a perfect opportunity for a 'lad's weekend' and then chill at home by myself or do something I wanted to do.

sarahsunny · 22/04/2024 08:50

Ahh I see. YANBU. It would feel weird to your joint child to get the big grandparents holiday but at the expense of missing out on your other family holiday. I think your DH should go away with his child just the two of them, and/or you can plan another holiday with all four of you when your DC is back.

Original poster
Ponnnder8 · 22/04/2024 08:50

And I just don't want to holiday without my child. It wouldn't be fun for me.

OP posts: