To not go on holiday with stepchild?

Yanbu

Your kids should be treat the same but it's your parents treating him. No waunsjoulr dss have to have an holiday because your parents are taking their grandchild away.

Imo step son should go on holiday with you all when your son is available.

Absolutely no way would I go away with a step child but not my own child. I would tell him that. He is welcome to take his child away by himself whilst yours is away with your parents.

You are definitely not unreasonable. My eldest gets a lot of nice holidays every year, she goes with her dad. My other children with my now partner don’t get to go, obviously!! They do sometimes say oh it’s not fair she gets to go Paris ect but it’s the way it is.. I don’t take them on holiday then without my eldest, we do joint ones all together when she’s back.

Maybe he could take his kid to eurodisney or another holiday. It would be a great bonding opportunity for them.
Tell your husband that if you wanted a kids holiday then you'd have gone with your parents with your child, but you didn't, and that he needs to stop going on about it

And why doesn’t your DH want to take his own child away, by himself? Because he doesn’t want to do something for his first child that he doesn’t do for his second? Or because he can’t be arsed?

Your DH cannot prioritise one of his children over the other.

Then again, he’s not. Your parents are taking your child. Your parents didn’t choose to acquire a step-grandson.

You can prioritise your child over your step-child, because your step-child already has two, living and capable parents.

As if anyone would bat an eyelid if it was the step child’s grandparents taking them away on holiday.

It’s over the top reactions like DH’s that create more of a problem in these situations. He needs to get over it and stop making a big deal.

All the people telling OP she should go, doesn't it occur to you that the DSS might love a break with just him and his DF ?

To be fair . I think I'd really hate a child friendly holiday without my child. It's likely op will really really miss her 5 year old and going off to child friendly places without them would just make me miss them more.
The obvious solution is that dad take him off and spoils him for a long weekend .

Instead of a big holiday why don’t you do a weekend trip to somewhere that the younger ones wouldn’t enjoy/can’t take part in? London to see a show/favourite football club city to tour round stadium/weekend of adventure stuff eg biking, high ropes courses etc/surfing in Devon etc etc
I get your point and yes whilst in blended families everything isn’t the same
if I would your husband I would be pretty hurt at your saying that you wouldn’t enjoy a holiday with him if your son wasn’t there. There needs to be a half way house.

you’re not in the wrong id either say go on your own with your son or we can have a date night weekend or what ever it may be. I hate this!! Your joint child and you are being penalised for just existing it’s normal life. I wouldn’t dream of having my step child on a normal weekend if my child wasn’t here. I mean I usually organise my child free nights where we don’t have my step son and that’s ok but no have some you time!!

I feel a bit sorry for DH and DSS. You're a family unit, you both agreed to love and support each other and, for me, step children are a part of that deal. Even if you don't agree, it clearly matters to your DH and I think it would be nice to support that. Maybe stop saying DSS and just say SS- I don't think they're very darling to you at all.

I think this too. No, you need not go on holiday etc. What about a mini break. Alton towers or the like? Do the same with your dc at the same age.

Does your DH just want you to go on holiday with them to do all the boring cooking/cleaning/packing etc? Would be be fine alone sole parenting?

Your dh is mad thinking that you would actually want to spoil your dss over your own child. Why would you take another child on holiday if yours isn't there? Lovely of your parents to do that for their dgc but you don't need to feel guilty or make it up to anyone. Your dh should go away with your dss if he's that bothered.

I think, at 12, dad is old enough to understand his step sibling is going away with grandparents. I'm sure he'd love to be able to go but I expect DH is making more of this than dss. Hopefully one day you may be able to afford to all go too but for now tell him you'll be going on holiday together soon. Maybe treat him to a nice day out but nothing else is needed.

If someone took my DC on holiday (I wish!), I'd be looking forward to some child-free time. There's no way I'd be planning a holiday with... another child.

When I eat out without my children, I don't go to McDonalds or Pizza Hut.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable. Your parents are taking your DC on an amazing holiday but DH is feeling guilty that his son won’t get to have the same holiday but that’s the thing with blended families.
Your DSC may well have holidays with his family that your joint child won’t get.
I think it’s reasonable to suggest either you wait and all go away together or DH takes him away and spoils him.
my DSC never came on holiday with us as there is a big age gap so by the time we could afford to take our own DC on holiday DSC was in his late teens. He never missed out as had many holidays abroad with his Mum and her family

This is life in blended families. And as the parent who has DC’s by different people, it’s DH who signed up for this.

I’m you, OP. Perfect solution is he goes away with DSS for some quality time.

I wouldn’t be using holidays from work without my DC.

YANBU OP, as you've said you're happy for your DH to take his son away somewhere for treat. Why doesn't he take him for a night at the Alton Towers Hotel or somewhere like that? And it's much more suitable for 2 than for 3 for room sharing, on rides, etc.

*Nope. I'd be enjoying my child free week, frankly.

DH is very welcome to take the lad away himself.*

Agree. I would be enjoying my childfree week too. Heck, I would probably go on my own holiday then.

Not sure why her DH doesn’t want to take his son on holiday alone. My dad talks fondly about how much he enjoyed and treasured spending time with his dad alone (he had 5 brothers and 5 sisters) and the things he learned from him during those times.

yes, what's the problem with doing exactly this??

The only way this could be considered unfair IMO is if they chose to do a holiday that DSS would have loved but weren't given the opportunity to go on, but in reality a couple with a 5 year on a normal family holiday aren't really going to be doing things that a 12 year old would feel they were missing out on, unless it was something like disney.

facts are a 12 year old going on holiday all together is more likely going to have to always do things that the 5 year old wants to do rather then the other way around, just because of their ages, so this is the perfect opportunity to do something fun together just the three of them without having to always prioritise the 5 year old's activities, it's probably the only opportunity they will ever get to do it while the little one is so busy at Disney, so I think op should be more open to it personally, not dismiss the idea altogether.

Nope. I'd be enjoying my child free week, frankly.

DH is very welcome to take the lad away himself. I'd be drinking gin and relaxing whilst DS was away with granny and grandad.

Or perhaps that he loves her and wants to spend time with her?

I agree with you OP. your partner should take his DS away by himself. The fact that he doesn't want to suggests that he wants you to do all the actual parenting and him put his feet up.