DD has left GC's with me and I'm struggling

The poor kids - and you deserve a bloody medal for coping so far.

You are quite right that you can't return them to your DD who is clearly an unfit parent and they would be at serious risk of harm with her.

Is there any way you could relocate to near the kids father so as to have more like 50:50 care with him?

In a decently civilised country it ought to be possible to call on social services for aid but in reality they will only step in if you are at breaking point or a bit beyond and already broken.

You could try autism focused charities to see if any of them can offer regular respite care but it seems unlikely. The best source of help has got to be the kids' dad, or the other set of grandparents perhaps?

Their father said he’d take them one day a month. Those poor children. He should be straight down here to them. I’d also worry that your dd is being coerced or worse. Asking the police to do a Claire’s law search on this man she’s hooked up with is a good suggestion. I don’t think the police will tell you anything but they’ll try to contact your dd if they find something. As you’re not coping, you are going to have to get some help / contact social services soon and before the summer holidays.

I think you have been given some great advice upthread …. But I just wanted to say I think you are amazing and I’m so sorry your DD has let you and your DGC’s down so much. It must be so hard physically emotionally and financially on you whilst dealing with your daughters lies and behaviour.

Send an email to her and the DGC’s father saying they will have to work out a permanent custody by x date or social services will be contacted.

You are an angel and one of a kind

Agree with all the above.

Can you do a Clare's law enquiry on your daughter's new BF?

As others have said- can dad take them full time with wrap around care? She has abandoned her children. The school and social services need to be involved. If you don't feel well enough to be full time kinship carer for them, then other arrangements need to be made. Does she still have a place to live where you are? If she takes the children to this new city, currently you have no legal standing to stop it happening. Dad sounds a tad feckless too as surely he should be making arrangements to move them to him?

Is your daughter safe? Are you sure this new partner isn't controlling her to a point she CAN'T come home even if she wanted to? Have you spoken to her, or just texts?

Short of your daughter suddenly becoming a responsible parent, your options are

1. dad takes residential custody full time. This is the obvious choice unless he has problems with anger or addiction. He can pay for child care. Plenty of parents work full time
2. of dad is incapable or also refuses, call social services, ask for help, and hope for a kinship placement with you or another family member
3. you call social services and the children enter the foster care system

i know this will sound harsh, but I hope you do everything possible to avoid option 3, even if this is not how you saw this stage of your life.

It's time for straight talking. Is their father any more of a capable parent than your DD? If he is, you need to tell him that you're going to involve SS unless he is able to have the girls on a more permanent basis. It's time for him to step up. Yes, he works full-time and it will be hard for him, but single parents can and do make it work.

I wouldn't bother trying to persuade your DD back in terms of your DGD - clearly they do not need a violent man in their lives. But... I would consider making a police report for her own safety. Is she vulnerable? It doesn't sound like she will be safe in the company of this man either.

I am so sorry you are in this position. The girls are lucky to have you.

Why can’t the father have them full time? Don’t drop them off with your DD, she’s not capable of keeping them safe

Yes, tell the school and involve social services re: kinship care. You also need to have their child benefit paid to you. Financial support will allow you to organise more help.

What about the other grand parents, can they help? Or the father's siblings? If your dd is not interested in having them (and it seems she is not), then either they go into care or it will take an extended family effort to keep them with you.

You cannot be expected to do it all yourself.

I really feel for you, please contact school in the morning and make them aware of situation.
You are amazing and your GC will appreciate you doing much more the they're older.

www.jsfoundation.org.uk if they have experienced domestic violence, this charity may help. X

At the very least get social services onboard so you can apply for kinship care ( and payment) so mens if you could manage to keep them you could Prehaps afford more wrap around care/ help?

Can their father take them full time? Enrol them into a school and get wrap around care sorted.

He can then claim child benefits for them to help with the cost.

Those poor girls - and you. You need to speak to social services to see what help they can provide for you. I am so sorry that you are in this position

These children have been abandoned. You need to tell the school, this is a serious business now. If social services get involved perhaps that will help your daughter think about what she's doing here.