DD has left GC's with me and I'm struggling

The girls father has offered to take them one weekend a month not good enough he needs to take them permanently now or social services will take them off you

School and social services need to know . You could get some respite to help you. Or alternatively they could live with their father. If she's not coming back you need to make some decisions as this can't carry on and it's not fair on the children.
Obviously you want to stay in their lives but you don't have to be their full time carer.
Have you considered your dd is being held against her will,? Should you contact police?

This 💯

To me it sounds like your daughter is being kept against her will. Please get the police and social services involved asap

I agree I don't think your DD is safe. I would also do a Claire's law and welfare check first then take action regarding the DC depending on that outcome.

OP shouldn't give her DD the heads up. She needs to ring social services today and let the school know. These children aren't safe returning home with their mum (who has abandoned them for nearly 2 months) and her abusive boyfriend.

This is shocking. I don’t think your daughter is safe either. I’d be calling the police and asking for some kind of welfare check on her and I’d be telling them and social services about the abandonment of the children. Tell your daughter first that you’ll report this -she may just return home. She may not but she definitely needs warning. I think she is under his coercive control given how you’ve described him and this is now a crime in this country so police need to know. I think the kids dad need to know the full extent and must consider stepping up…the kids moving there if your daughter doesn’t get home.

You need to call social services and explain the situation. They need to know about her new partner as a safeguarding risk. Social services will place them in a temporary foster home. My daughters friend lives in a Foster home, and they are very nice.

Your dgc are lucky to have you. Hope you can get the help you need.

There is a charity called kinship care. I would ring them to get advice on what you want from social services. Social services may be able to offer respite care, financial support so you can afford help at home or ultimately access to them if they have to go to foster care. Get their advice.

I'm surprised your grand daughter doesn't have a social worker since she has autism, she really needs one.

The vast majority of children with autism don’t have a social worker. @BeetleBee99 contact your local social work department, be clear your DD has abandoned her children with you and that this wasn’t something you agreed to. In the short term think about what might help you cope - are there financial pressures, is it getting the kids to school, entertaining the kids in holidays etc and ask for help with those bits.

The reality is it will take time to sort something out in the medium to longer term. Unless you absolutely refuse to have them, social work will want keep them with you initially because it’s better for the kids not to be moved around. The other option practically at this stage is foster care. I know dad is an option but given he lives at a significant distance that would need to be more of a planned move due to schools etc.

Yes I agree. If OP has heard from her DD by text it’s not necessarily her DD texting

Poor you and poor children - I would call your daughter and tell her you are not coping, that you are giving her 24 hours to get back and take responsibility and that you will be contacting social services - social services will hopefully give you support 🌺

Have you spoken to her or just text? I’m concerned that it’s not her you are texting. She might not be ok. Further to that it definitely sounds like a domestic abuse situation. You need help with this. Are the children’s school aware?

Totally agree with all the posters saying you’ve been amazing, but please report to school and social services today.

Between your DD and her violent BF, their disengaged dad, and your GD’s additional needs, you need serious help and support now. 🌺

I wouldn’t contact the dd and warn her tbh. I’d let the police make sure she’s ok. Social Services will run a background check on the boyfriend. They will not allow him to be around the D.C. if there are concerns. He doesn’t sound like someone I’d want around my D.C. OP shouldn’t give him the chance - or her dd who saw fit to abandon her dc.

This is a terrible situation for the D.C. and DGM. Let the people who know what they’re doing intervene and make a plan of action - In the best interest of the children.

Mother and dodgy boyfriend are not it! Poor children (and Grandma) 😢

Yes, this sounds sensible advice.

Has the daughter actually committed an offence by abandoning her children like this? I definitely think the police should be involved (as well as social services), if only to do a welfare check on her.

So sorry you are going through this. I think you should get social services involved ASAP. Even if she comes back. The fact that she would do this means the children are at risk with her!. I'm surprised your grand daughter doesn't have a social worker since she has autism, she really needs one. They will provide you with support. You should tell the school tomorrow and call the disabilities team at social services. You don't have to struggle alone 💔

I can appreciate you struggling but I would understand no circumstances be handing these children back to your daughter as she is currently unable to keep herself and them safe and it is a serious child protection issue.
Your daughter is potentially in a very dangerous situation and you need to act immediately to keep your family safe.
Tell the school tomorrow and as others have said say you want SS to be involved.
They will contact their Dad and take a lead in the children's care which should unless there's good reason go to him.
There is no way she's on a holiday and going to just pop back and everything be happy here and I know that sounds harsh but you need to look at the facts here rather than hoping for the best and muddling on.
Take immediate action and that's the absolute best and most loving thing you can do for you GCSE and DD now even if it doesn't feel like it.

How generous of the girls' dad to offer a whole weekend a month...

Is there a reason he can't have them living with him, other than having a job? Is the job itself unsuitable for childcare like he works on an oil rig for weeks at a time or something? Because if it's just that he works full time, plenty of people make that work, single parents or not, and he kind of needs to get a grip.

Failing that, I'd start by telling the school what has happened and asking them if they know anywhere you could go to for help. The school need to know because this must be having an effect on the girls, even though I'm sure you're doing an amazing job. And you need some support - does the girls' dad have any family near you who could help long term?

Good luck - and thank you for caring about these kids. It doesn't sound like they have many people in their lives who do.

Sounds like neither of these children's parents are arsed about them. The dad has offered to have them once a month?? Oh how wonderful of him 🙄🙄 and as for your daughter, she's clearly putting this guy above her kids and can't be trusted to keep them safe. You must contact the social services and the school etc and start getting some Support in place op.

Op this is terrible, those poor children, they must be distraught. You definitely need to give a warning to both parents that you’ll have to get SS involved unless something changes rapidly.

Oh my goodness what a heartbreaking situation. Do not let their father get away with doing so little. Lots of parents work full time. He could need to cope, but you could flip it and say you will have the girls for x amount of time. I’m so so sorry to read of your predicament and hope you find some support/resolution.

How coercive is he? The fact is she doesn't care about her dc does she? She's abandoned them. That must hurt you, that she's so shallow? Text her, ring her, tell her you can't do it anymore and will be reporting to ss.

Something needs to be sorted and soon OP. This situation isn't fair on your DGC and it’s certainly not fair on you.

Have you heard from your DD recently? If you’re worried about her call the police station in the town/village you know your DD to be residing. Tell them your DD has abandoned her D.C. with you weeks and you’re worried about her. Ask them to do a welfare check on her. I assume you know the address she is staying? Do it this morning.

Then call your local Social Services dept. Tell them the situation that you and DGs have found yourselves in and tell them you need support.

Once they are involved they will get in touch with the father and other GPs and will discuss with you all a course of action.

You don’t have to deal with this alone OP so please don’t try. You’ll get through it with support. but don’t let it get to the stage where you are burnt out and unable to do anything x

Your daughter has abandoned her children. Give her 24 hours notice before informing the authorities.