DD has left GC's with me and I'm struggling

She’s unable to care for them, whether or not she comes back from her trip. She is putting the needs of her violent boyfriend above theirs. They either need to live with their father full time or be in foster care. That doesn’t mean they won’t see their mum but they will at least get their needs met. You need to report it to social services now and tell them the entire story, including the violence. Your daughter’s selfishness is sickening.

I won't just echo what pps have said. But I hope you're OK. What a terrible situation

Yes this is a social services matter. Everything needs putting on the table; her abusive relationship, your inability to care for them full time, the children’s parents attitude to their care. Either the mother is going to have to come back and be under some supervision with SS or the father is going to have to step up.

very sad for you all.

What an awful situation 😔

Id explain to both parents that you will be speaking to school and social services on Friday unless something is arranged.

And I'd follow through with that.

Those poor children.

I'd contact the police where you believe your daughter is staying to make sure that she's ok and not being kept against her will. I'd also contact the children's school and social services and let both know that the children have been abandoned by their mother. Social services may be able to put some support in place for you.

I'm afraid the short answer is that if you can't cope with them, and the dad won't have them, they will end up in care. Social services are so under resourced now that they can't/won't help until it gets to the point of taking them away. The school will probably be more helpful. If the children weren't eligible for pupil premium funding before (an extra pot of money for disadvantaged kids) they certainly should be now. School might be able to offer some after school clubs for free. There are also often free holiday clubs available for some families. The school already knows and cares about the the children. With social services falling apart, they are your best bet.

Edited to add, the school will contact social services anyway once you've talked to them and will be able to support you dealing with them.

It doesn't sound like they should be in her care at all. As a mum of 2 girls, I have no idea how she could do this to them, and to you.

Please call the police. Your daughter could well be in danger. They could get a welfare check in place and also give you the support you need via social services. This is a horrible situation for you all x

I would go and speak to their school this morning as a matter of urgency. They need to know (just in case their Mum does come back and pretends they have a medical appt and removes them from school). Their safeguarding lead will be able to advise and support you. I’m sure the school will have picked up on bits and pieces already.
You are totally awesome for looking after them, but now is the time to get help.

Oh OP - what a situation.

At this point you need to notify the school and call social services.

They can also do a welfare check on your daughter.

The children are the priority, but clearly something is also amiss with her.

Pls ring social services and inform school- if your DD turns up now and takes the kids there needs to be a record of her abandoning them and the new abusive partner so someone follows up... so sorry this sounds awful for you and DGC 😕

Those poor children. If you think the dad is a capable normal person (which your dd is clearly not) then give him a heads up that you are speaking to the school and social services on Monday as your daughter has abandoned her children. I cannot understand how someone could do this, but they and you need help and support.
for your dd I would take it back to factual brief updates. ‘I have notified the school and social services today that you have abandoned the children. Their dad is aware too. I have no choice as I’m not their legal guardian and my health is not up to looking after them like I have been.’

If you feel worried about calling social services then speak to school instead tomorrow.

Ask for an urgent meeting with the head or deputy head and explain what is going on and that you’re struggling to cope.

As part of that meeting ask for some urgent short term help. The school may have a breakfast or after school club which you can use or a holiday childcare scheme which they can book the kids into for Easter. If you don’t have the money to pay for this ask school if they can do it for free.

If you are going to support the children you need to organise so that you’ve got them less of the time so that you save your strength for when they’re with you.

Call social services or speak with the school - for everyone's sake. It sounds like you e been left in a dreadful situation x

I'm sorry OP, what an awful situation for you and the children.

What sort of a parent is your daughter normally? Is this out of character for her? Have you actually spoken to her or is communication via messages? I'd be worried she's actually in danger or come to harm unless this is normal behaviour for her

Police can do a welfare check on your dd. She sounds vulnerable.
social care can offer respite care for you
but financial help takes times and child benefit will only be paid if your dd transfers it to you. Which I doubt. It would be like admitting to herself that she is not coming back. I think she is in denial atm and thinks she’s on “holiday”. She needs a reality check but also .. in fairness most mums do not just get up and go… what was her life like before new man arrived?
You are being amazing and need to think about what you can do … worst case you can tell social services you can’t cope and won’t be picking them up from school. A social worker will pick them up and keep them in their care for a few hours, probably a trip to McDonald’s and back to the office until foster carers are found in an emergency.
working with social services to do what you can is the best outcome right now. Foster care for children who have loving family members can be dreadful because children always wonder why you also abandoned them. Even though you are struggling children don’t understand that.

If the Dad is at the other end of the country he presumably long ago decided he had no interest in parenting and would not be a suitable full time parent either.

Those poor children. They have been abandoned by both their parents. They are going to have life time scars from this. It’s terrible. I have no real sympathy for your daughter nor the father.

I’d call the social services and I’d also see if I could report my dd for child abandonment.

OP Don’t be afraid to seek support from Children's Services. They won’t suddenly take the children from you. They are not in danger and there has been no abuse whilst in your care. All they will do is sit and talk to you and find out what you’re looking for in terms of support. You are struggling and nobody will blame you for that. You’ve been placed in a terrible position.

Social Services will contact the DCs father and other GPs. They will look to place them with a family member in the first instance. Only if there is no family member willing to take them will they place them in temporary foster care. But that will be local to you. They will, ideally, want to keep the dc in their school plus they will offer you contact - at a rate that’s agreed by you.

Do not warn your DD. Keep that man (and your dd) away from the D.C. until background checks have been made on him. Social Services will arrange for that to be done.

You’ve done an amazing job so far. Let those who deal with these situations as a job take over now. But do not be afraid of social services. They will support you and your GC.

I must admit that I would have very little sympathy or concern for your daughter in the circumstances. I don't think there is any point in trying to force your feckless daughter into taking the children and housing them with the violent oaf she is currently living with. If you have health issues though and are older you simply can't kill yourself looking after these children and people are very wrong to suggest that you must soldier on. If you die, these children will have one less caring person.

I think you need to inform the authorities and see if you can get the child benefit directed to you and hopefully as a stopgap measure hire some help. Hire a student for a couple of hours - my son used to work in a half way house for troubled youths and he'd just have been grateful for a job that didn't involve dealing with armed youths with drug problems. Somebody has to have a blunt talk with the father - he should be paying you something for caring for the children if he is only prepared to offer one day per month of care. Again, hire a cleaner or child care with that money. I think that a foster placement though with you visiting and taking them on outings may be the ultimate outcome.

Call both the police and social services. Now. 6 weeks of abandonment is appalling.

I haven't read the whole thread because this is a) what i do for a living and b) have experience of a family member doing this
This is a huge safeguarding issue...you should inform the school and social services. They aren't going to take them away but they will put in support for you, especially given the additional needs.
Sending you all the virtual support possible ❤️

What type of a mum was she before disappearing ?
I am really shocked and wanted to say you have my full admiration.

You are doing an incredible job. But now it's time to contact social services for the kids if the dad refuses to take them. Alongside the police, as your daughter may actually be in trouble here and have no way out. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. But being a mum is never ending I guess xx

Look it's been 6 weeks the authorities need to be involved

The children need to go to their sad full time. Tell him to come and collect them.

do not give them back to their mother.

the only other option is social services as they are not safe