DD has left GC's with me and I'm struggling

Sounds very much like she has ditched her kids. She’s choosing to put her boyfriend first - it happens all the time.

Have you actually spoken to your DD, heard her voice? Or just by text? Alarm bells are ringing like, unless she has habit for not being a good Mum?

I'd push for their Dad to take them full time, failing that social services need involving.

💐

I would be calling the police to report your daughter missing. Either she is not ok or being prevented from coming home. That or she’s ditched her kids which is unlikely (but does happen). If you contact the police they wil do a social services referral for the kids.

Contact the police and social services. She is in a relationship with a violent man and has been gone for 6 weeks and abandoned her children. I'd be very concerned for her safety as well as the children.

Absolutely this.

One weekend a month? They're his children.

You have done more than enough - children are hard work, no matter how much you love them. You can't care for them full time though I'm sure you would love to - the fact that you have cared for them so far says how much you love them.

Your own health will suffer - you will be physically incapable of caring for them or yourself. Please contact social services if the father won't help. This is unfair to you and the children.

She has abandoned her children for a man. Plain and simple. Or maybe more to it? There's no way to know. The result for the children is the same, regardless. They must be confused. Get school and social services involved to help you cope.

Your daughter is in an abusive relationship. She may not be as selfish or willing to abandon children as you think. Her safety may be compromised. Abusers play mind games, use scare tactics and can use physical violence to control them. Please phone the police about your daughter. As I've said, her safety may be compromised.

It may not be as simple as going away and abandoning the children as you think.

Right now, your grandchildren are safe. Your daughter may not be. Raise this alarm ASAP.

Echoing everyone’s advice and call
Social Services. It will be rough now, but will pay off in the long term.

If there is a potential aggressive partner on the scene, you will need their support.

XXX

I think it’s brilliant that you’ve stepped up to support your grandchildren over the last few weeks, but I’m sorry you’ve had to do this under the circumstances and without support. I would echo what other posters have said and urge you to contact the children’s school and also social services. Try to make this call as soon as you can today (ideally this morning) and explain everything you’ve told us on the thread. As other posters have also recommended, I would also make contact with the police so they can make sure your daughter is not being held against her will. Hopefully you can get some support in place to help you. Worst case scenario is the children go into temporary foster care. It’s not the outcome that anyone wants, but their parents seem quite happy for you to take on the care needs of their children full time without any help so I’m afraid it’s about what’s in the best interests of the children and your own ability to care for them, rather than saving face for the sake of their parents. This is a very difficult situation and you have coped admirably. Please make that call today as this situation is unfair for you and the children.

What kind of mum was she before she met this bloke? What is their dad actually like? I'm assuming he's disinterested if he moved to the other end of the country but obviously we don't know the circumstances, is he decent?

Those poor babies, and poor you op. You've been an angel and I'm sure always will be. There's been lots of advice on this thread, I hope some of it helps you x

You've got to get in touch with school and get the ball rolling for them and you to get support. Their mum has abandoned them and their dad won't step up.

For now their father needs to step up. I'm presuming he knows the situation? One weekend a month is nothing.

These poor kids. I think you need to contact social services. Their mum has abandoned them and she isn't fit to parent them whenever she does return.

The kids need to come first.
Let their dad know you will be speaking to social services to give him chance to make arrangements to have them full time. If he doesnt do this, then they will need foster care. You cant go on like this, you need support, as do the kids.

Exactly! You said it so much better than me 👏👏

Gosh it’s annoying when posters keep saying

• they’ll take the children away
• tell the mother to get her arse back
• talk to the father
• blah blah

Grandma has done all she can. Over to children’s services and the police now.

That is really not on of your dd. She has put her love life first and abandoned her kids

Abusive relationships have this affect on people - honestly this shit should be taught in schools.

Anything could be happening, it’s not romantic, it’s evil.

That is really not on of your dd. She has put her love life first and abandoned her kids, one who is vulnerable as well. Def speak to the school and SS and see what they suggest/can put in place.

I think you need to involve social services. They have family support workers that can provide support. You will need guardianship if they live with you full time. I would be concerned for your daughter and if she decides she wants the children to live with a violent man. Their dad ideally needs to step up. Really they should live there. But difficult if he doesn’t have support and work. 2 weekends a month would be better. Plus he needs to come and get them! Social services will help with all of this. How confusing for the children and so tough for you.

I'm posting you a gold star for effort and a copy of our pamphlet "10 reasons why it pays to be a winner but sucks to be you :D

Absolutely love that!

@BeetleBee99 I am truly sorry you've had that situation forced on you you. It sounds like the frying pan has caught fire and the devil is about to sling it in the deep blue sea then jump in after it!

The only advice I can give you is neither cute 'n' fluffy nor particularly plateable, so I'll just get right on and say it:

You need to call social services TODAY. This morning. Actually NOW. I know it feels like the hardest thing in the world, but you know what's even harder? Staying in limbo for the next three years then trying to deal with it - especially when the phone call to child services goes "Oh no, how terrible! And it's been like this for... 3 YEARS? Ok hun, well if you've made it this far I'll check back in two decades to see if anything's changed. Don't worry though, I'm posting you a gold star for effort and a copy of our pamphlet "10 reasons why it pays to be a winner but sucks to be you :D!"

It's cruel to be kind time, only thing that matters is what's long term best for those kids, not how you or anyone else "feels".

You're not in a position to full time raise those kids.
Their mum's going through whatever, and for the foreseeable future needs to be kept separate from them for everyone's safety.
Their dad doesn't sound like he's able to give them full time care.

Child services can and will move heaven and earth to provide the right support for those kids, you'd be amazed by what they can make happen and the budget they have to facilitate it.

And even if they go for the measure of absolute last resort, even if they go with the nuclear option of giving the little ones an alternative place to live whilst everyone works on a long term solution - how bad is that, really?

You'll get phone calls, visits, access and such just the same as you would if they lived with one or both parents

Dad will likely get some sort of arrangement same as if the little ones lived with their mum.

They can offer mum all kinds of support and assistance to help her with her current situation, not just "well get rid of the bloke then we'll talk", I mean long term psychological support to try to find the root causes of this harmful behaviour and deal with those, then start to think about involving her with the little ones again in time.

Most of all though, the kiddies with be with people who are really really well equipped, set up, prepared, able, have all the time, energy and desire in the world to give the kiddies a temporary home that's happy, safe and nurturing.

You've got to do what's right for the kids really.

This! Legally and financially things need to be clear for who is responsible medically and that if you continue to care you have the financial resources to do so.

The bar for having a disability social worker is very high in most local authorities. In ours you definitely wouldn’t get a disability social worker just for having autism.

You are a fab grandma so well done. Sadly your daughter is putting this unsuitable bloke above her children and you must alert the school and social services. Discuss with the dad too if he can have them full time before foster care is arranged.

You've had some great advice on here and I hope that you can get a good outcome for the girls.
I strongly suspect that they will also need counselling to help them process what's happening to them.

All the very best to you all.

Have you spoken to her or is this just a text? Have you been back to their house? Does the father have support where he lives, the other grandparents?

You do need to call the police and social services and the school.

You aren’t doing anyone any FA ours carrying on alone. The girls must miss their mum and that will affect their behaviour.

Absolutely you need to contact social services.

Especially because it's very likely she's still claiming CB and UC for these children whilst you financially care for them.

Therefore the authorities don't realise they are with you. What happens if they need hospital care? Right now they don't have a parent around to consent to any medical treatment.