DD has left GC's with me and I'm struggling

Well that's just great that their father has offered to have them once a month! What a prince.

I wonder what you think about them being fostered locally and you continuing the grandparent role?

You do need to report this to social services. You should've done it much earlier actually. Your daughter shouldn't be able to pick and choose when she looks after them and it sounds as though her boyfriend is someone nobody should be going near. What happened to your daughter's home?

I agree with @Zita60 and @WelshTattySlippers - is this behaviour out of character for your DD? Definitely think as well as getting the kids sorted DD needs checking. I'm so sorry you're in this situation, poor you and poor children. I'd definitely contact social services.

You're jumping the gun a bit.

Have you considered the massive impact on 2 young children to move to the other end of the country? There may not even be a school place or one that can offer SEN support.

You're completely underestimating something that should be a very carefully thought out decision.

Yes, we don't know if he was violent but women who choose dominating men (like the Mum's current BF) often repeat behaviour choices.

The last thing they need is to be put with another parent who doesn't really want them! There must be a reason why he's hundreds of miles away and isn't seeing them often. Especially as the older DD is on the verge of puberty and needs a Mum around.

Of course their bloody father should step up (barring abuse of course). He should be there now caring for his children, and be making plans to move them to him or him relocate to their area. It's been six weeks!! Most parents would be there straight away. So what if he works full time. Why is a man's job so fucking important? I had four kids, one SEN and worked full time. It's not a free pass to leave parenting your own kids to someone else just because you're a bloke who works.

@Bellyblueboy where has dad been in the 5 weeks mum has been missing? Any decent parent would have been providing support both physical and emotional

OP, you can do a Clare’s Law request. This is what the Met say:
https://www.met.police.uk/rqo/request/ri/request-information/cl/triage/v2/request-information-under-clares-law/

However, check whether they would give any information to you, or would want to contact your Dd. I suspect that her phone, messages, e mails etc are monitored by him. Do you know where she is, as in have an address for her?

Is his family in the town they are (supposedly) in?

OP hasn’t mentioned any concerns with their dad. It’s a bit of a leap to assume he is violent. Half of marriages end in divorce - violence can be the reason, but usually not?

OP has only said he works full time and lives very far away. They can change schools - or dad can move home.

their mum isn’t a viable parenting option - she has abandoned them. Their dad, unless he is deemed unfit, is the only option. OP can’t do it.

social services will assume dad should step in before they go into foster care?

and so what if he has a new partner? They are his children!!!

These poor kids really lost the parenting lottery -

@BeetleBee99 Are you in the UK?

I'm looking at the timing of your post which was almost 2am UK time.

Obviously you may be a night owl, but some of advice here about the law may not apply if you are overseas.

😮

Wow, they’ve basically been abandoned by both parents here haven’t they. Poor kids.

@Bellyblueboy That may not be best for the children.
We don't know why the family divorced- maybe the dad is violent as well?
Maybe he now has a new partner?
And he lives hundreds of miles away.

What a mess!!!

I know you want to try and protect your daughter and grandchildren but this situation really needs social services involved asap.

It's hard but you don't have a choice anymore, it's the right thing to do for the children.

Why are posters suggesting the father has them?

It's completely unrealistic.

Have you all missed the point that he lives at the other end of the country?

OP implies it's the north/ Scotland as she says the children would need to 'fly up to him'.

Given one has learning difficulties, it's hardly going to be idea to uproot them from their school, their friends, and Gran, and dump them with their Dad hundreds of miles away, is it?

You don't even know if his house is big enough or what else goes on in his life.

OP you need to put your foot down with your daughter.

Leaving you with her kids for 5 weeks is ridiculous.

You can tell her that you are reporting her to the police and SS for abandoning her children and that they may be taken into foster care.

It doesn’t happen all the time. It’s far more common for a woman to be at risk from her partner. If she is in a violent relationship she will have consciously left her children somewhere safe with someone she trusts. It’s not about choice- don’t victim blame. Surely you realise it’s not as easy as just walking away for many women in violent relationships.

Your daughter has abandoned her children. They have two parents. Don’t have such low expectations if their father. It’s not for you to step in, it’s for him!

tell him you are involving social services and he needs to come and take his children. You aren’t their parent and you can’t provide full time care. Their mother is unwilling to do he needs to.

if both parents chose to opt out of parenting then social services will have to arrange foster care.

this is awful for you and the children. Your daughter and her ex gays and are useless parents.

Do you think your DD is now with the partner against her will ? I.E was she a good mother to her children before she met her partner ?

If the answer to the first question is Yes , she could be sticking up for the partner as she is scared of the consequences . You need to contact the Police in the area they now are , who will visit them , assuming you have her address .

those poor children. if your DD cannot take them then their father has to - contact him and tell him his children need to stay with him. If he doesn’t want them they will go into foster care - you will need to involve SS.
neither parent has to set up because they have you.

If any of this is true (which I doubt, not only because it was posted in AIBU) then all good advice has been given in plentiful measures. I somehow doubt that the OP will be back to answer any questions that were asked for clarification.

This is horrendous and incredibly serious. Their father, the school and social services all need to be informed immediately that they have been abandoned. I also wouldnt want them anywhere near this new partner of hers. Please reach out and get as much support as you can, Im so sorry this is happening to you and your grandaughters. It may be worth requesting a welfare check from the police just to make sure your daughter isnt being held against her will.

What a horrendous situation you are in.

Definitely report to school/ss. I would be concerned about your daughter as well and if payments for things like child benefit stop I would imagine she would be home/dumped v soon.

Offering a hand hold.

As pp have said I’d be speaking to school and police for welfare check on your dd 💐💐

There father working full time isn't a reason he can't raise them. Most parents work full time. If he is generally responsible he needs to take them and register them in school where he is and accept that the custody arrangements have changed. If he isn't a safe adult, then yes, you need to get formal support including financial support from the state. Your DD is appalling. Your DC must feel so abandoned by their mother.

There is support for Kinship carers yes, potentially respite care, the grandmother also needs to start getting any child benefit, DLA for the child etc paid to her

I don’t mean to add to your worries, but she your daughter there voluntarily? I would be tempted to get a welfare check done due to what you have said about the new partner.
If so then they need to go to their father full time. Maybe he could fly them to you once a month? It’s their dad’s responsibility now not yours. I would also speak to the school and social services about supporting the children and you too.

People keep mentioning breakfast club and after school clubs but at 11 the oldest is probably past this point in most schools. There may be some support though.