DD has left GC's with me and I'm struggling

The local authority are more likely to put support in place than immediately put the children into foster care so please don’t be afraid to reach out for help and tell them how it is.
im sorry you’re dealing with this.

No, you literally said ‘a man’s job pays the mortgage’.

Hello I'm so sorry you've been put in this situation. Try ringing FamilyLine https://www.family-action.org.uk/what-we-do/children-families/familyline/?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwlZixBhCoARIsAIC745BaRzuXje1-4b_g_owqTU67CkD7rrdjRnjJx-UiKyNhcAcyEOHJDVkaAmpNEALw_wcB

or this one: https://www.pac-uk.org/our-services/

or the Kinship helpline https://compass.kinship.org.uk/

Good luck and please keep talking here if it helps

You should re-read what I actually wrote, I said myself the man clearly doesn’t think his children are his responsibility so is unlikely to step up. My objection is to using a man’s job as an excuse as to why he can’t be a parent to his own children. Also please do explain how this man’s job puts a roof over his childrens head, when they’re living with their grandmother?

If the dad didn’t hop on the plane to sort it out directly and swiftly, or engage SS himself, I’m going to take a wild guess he is not father of the year material either.

The poor OP is the only one who has stepped up for these kids.

a man’s job pays the mortgage???
oh dear - I think your advice is at least three decades out of date.

That's not what I said.

I said that for someone who has a job - like the Dad here- how can he just leave it when he needs to put a roof over his head and the children's?

The Mum has upped sticks and presumably has no work.
Hence my point- you've just confirmed it! (She's presumably not working or paying a mortgage- or she's so wealthy she can take 6 weeks of unpaid leave.)

So you're now suggesting that the dad leaves his job, moves south (somehow finding the money to house them all when he has no job.)

Just because he provided the sperm doesn't mean he's a good father or would be best option now.

And yes, of course I'd say the same about a mother. Leaving a job that puts a roof over the family's head would be ridiculous.

He's only been aware of this for days, so thinking he can up sticks when you don't even know about their relationship is a bit of a stretch.

I hope I appreciate the dad lives far away I didn’t pick up that he lives in 1953😂

a man’s job pays the mortgage???

oh dear - I think your advice is at least three decades out of date.

If he was a decent dad he would be in regular contact with his DC (even if distance meant he couldn’t see them in person). He would know they were at grannies. Can’t imagine DC haven’t mentioned mum isn’t around

Yes, but presumably those happened over a timescale, not just overnight? And presumably their father paid maintenance as well? He didn't just run off and leave you or your children had to change schools in May of the school year and move 100s miles away?

You asked why his career was important because he was a man.

A career is important for anyone as it pays the bills and supports the family.
The Mum clearly doesn't have one so why give her a free pass?

What a horrid situation. Nothing to add to the excellent advice already given. You’re a fabulous nan.

@ZetuianRose they are not excusing him of any responsibility but he doesn’t seem to be very good dad material. He should be there now providing support, but he isn’t.

He’s their bloody father, their parent. I bet you wouldn’t use a job that pays a mortgage as a reason to why a mother shouldn’t step up. Having said that though, he probably thinks he has as much responsibility in this situation as you do, so he’s unlikely to step up and be an actual parent to the children he decided to have.

@DeliciouslyDecadent I'm not in cuckoo land at all. I've had to make significant changes work wise to support me and my children, who see their father very sporadically and not at all for long stretches. And I have a mortgage to pay!

We don't know about their relationship with him or when he found out about the situation. All we've been told is he works full time.

Distance is certainly a factor but I still believe as a parent the buck stops with you.

Foster care is a temporary situation while the family decide what is best.

It may never happen.

The DD may come to her senses once she's told that SS and the law are involved.

Just because they have a father, doesn't mean they have a) had ongoing contact with him and b) that he is a suitable parent.

To dump an 11 year old with her Dad when she's going through puberty, doesn't have any friends in the area, has SEN, would have to be found a place in a school for the last term of the school year would be very traumatic.

The idea solution is that her mum comes home PDQ and has support and counselling to get herself sorted out.

@Bellyblueboy because the dad hasn’t stepped up at all, not just being a bit useless. His kids have been abandoned by their mum, for over 5 weeks. Where is he?

All the people excusing the father of any responsibility 🤣

They’re his kids just as much as they are their mothers. If their mother fails them, he’s the one who should take them. He chose to have them.

Funny how men are just absolved of any parenting responsibilities, clearly they’re just a spent donor and occasional babysitters 😂😂 ffs. He’s just as bad as the mother.

I would contact social services to report child abandonment as my first step.

Why is this a school issue? I can understand letting them know so they can support children, but contacting social services is for OP to do. School cannot do every single thing.

It's the fact the dad clearly doesn't want them though, he is aware of the situation and has only offered once a month!

It's the fact the dad clearly doesn't want them though, he is aware of the situation and has only offered once a month!

Your poor granddaughters.

Your DD sounds unwell irrational and not capable of putting them first right now.

You're doing brilliant to try to step in.

Think the first step is a serious discussion with their father.

I am really puzzled here by the strong reaction against h the e dad taking the children!

their mum is in a relationship with a dangerous man and she has abandoned them. Their grandmother can’t cope with them.

yes their dad sounds a bit useless - but does everyone think foster care would be better?

Mehta is everyone else’s solution? Would foster care not be harder for the kids?

Oh come on!

Maybe that's the last thing the girls want- they may not have a good relationship with their Dad.

To suggest he moves (ditching a career) is not so simple, is it?
Let's get real over this.
A man's job pays the mortgage.

You're in cloud cuckoo land.

Also, I suspect that he hasn't been told about the situation until recently as the OP has allowed this to drift for nearly 6 weeks before taking to a forum and asking for advice.

Also just to say I definitely wouldn't be thinking about having them live with their mum again whilst she's living with this guy, he sounds very dangerous.