To not buy into 'work family' bollocks

Nope, you’re not alone. When I hear that, my first and only thought is - 🤢🤮

I think you can find your own "work family" and some colleagues can become good friends.

However, this should be a natural mutual thing, and should never enforced by the company or an individual.

Last year they had us all open our hearts and make ourselves vulnerable in the name of team bonding

That's absolutely appalling and I'm amazed that it's allowed. I'm also amazed that anyone cooperated in that.

I was lucky enough to work with some lovely colleagues who cared about each other, and who I still see several years after I retired. But I still compartmentalised, and, for instance, had an embargo on colleagues being FB friends, even the ones I loved and had worked with for a long time. I only shared life stuff with those I totally trusted. Not in a million years would I have made myself vulnerable publically and in front of ALL my colleagues.

I've fallen for it twice and had my heart absolutely broken by it twice. For me, from now on, work is just for work and if people are nice that's great, but I won't be making good friends there any more.

It's really sad I think; I never used to feel like this about work, and my friends were very important to me, but realistically those friendships are situational.

@HarrietofFire my thoughts exactly!

If I had to attend such a ridiculous event, I would simply refuse to speak.

It pisses me off as it's actually an abuse of the word 'family', which really means something and is much much more important than work.

I have the attitude that the people I would immediately call after a car crash are the ones that matter (I have recently had a very bad crash where I got injured, had to be cut out of the car and went to hospital in an ambulance). I didn't give a second thought to work or my colleagues - I rang my husband, my parents, my brother, my two best mates and firstly and foremost messaged my DC who were at school/uni. People lose perspective about what family really is until the shit hits the fan and the workplace is really not important or meaningful enough to earn the title 'family'.

100% this. I recently left a job in education where I totally dedicated myself and given so much extra time. However when I was off work with an injury that caused a lot of pain, no one in SLT asked about me and when I returned they put me in a role that could have caused the injury to flare up again. They were shocked when I handed in my notice. I will never fall for that nonsense again.

It's the latest way to guilt you into working long hours and accepting terrible working conditions - because the rest of your "family" does and you have to carry on to help them. Utter bollocks. I am not bringing my whole self to work, thank you very much.

OP the ONLY time you are a "family" is when it benefits them.
Unpaid overtime ✓
Lower than market wage ✓
Not taking leave entitlements ✓
Working your backside off day in, day out to make them profits✓
Working on your days off✓
Cancelling leave as they can't possibly be short-staffed, and, you know, we're family✓
Covering for their holidays when you can't take your own✓

All I can say is never arrive late, you'll see how much you're a family then. There's no tolerance if it's not for their benefit.

For me "family business" is the biggest red flag out there.

We had the 21yr old throw a tantrum, kicking boxes and saying 'it's not fair!' He had been asked to do his job! 🤣

It's absolutely bullshit unless you get to be the teenage daughter who screams at her manager "You can't tell me what to do, you're not my real mum!" And then slam the office door to go sulk?

The worst place I ever worked was one of these "work family" places. We are all one big family and we care and we love each other.
It was truly awful. Worked there a year and was bullied constantly by two members of staff.

There's no need for these big declarations of "work family". It's normally made up bollocks trying to cover up a toxic environment.

The second worst place I worked was a Catholic school where the head constantly said in staff meetings "Jesus is watching you, so behave accordingly", rather than actually dealing with the people who were bullying others.

I worked somewhere where they went one step further - each colleague had a title "mum", "naughty child", "mad auntie" etc... It was an extremely bizarre and toxic environment and when I refused to partake, was bullied out. My replacement went the same way. Seems so infantile looking back but it also had sinister undertones. It was local government so I've avoided it since.

There’s a SNL skit about bringing the ‘real you’ to work.

I agree 100%.

Last year they had us all open our hearts and make ourselves vulnerable in the name of team bonding and work family at an away day.

How on earth did they gaslight you all into that?!

I think it can work if you adapt it to a workplace environment and actually mean it.

Being a work family to me means:

• Being kind to each other
• Being supportive of each other
• Not leaving each other in the shit
• Communicating with each other
• Being up for a challenge
• Sharing a little bit more of yourself than you may have done previously

It does not mean:

• Making people feel that they have to share uncomfortable or traumatic experiences with each other
• Dancing or singing in interviews (personal experience on that one 🙄)
• Socialising outside of work, unless you want to
• Working over your contractual hoirs

People exchange time for money, I try to make it as painless and enjoyable as possible.

I worked somewhere that introduced this shit, just as it was all going down the toilet. As the saying goes you can't polish a turd. However authentically you try.

Good teams and good workplaces don't fake it.

Previously, I got caught up in that shite, put my all into it, but was ultimately shit on from height! Never again!

Latest job..Ours goes on about being a family business. Everyone is part of that. blah, blah.. Thankfully, there is no corporate 'team building' shite but ultimately pay shite wages while expanding the company and talking of longer opening hours. Umm...so our families can go to hell then?
I go in, do my job, and go home.
I have a good relationship with colleagues, but under no illusion, if I left, I'd be forgotten by the end of the week.

I work in an industry that was notorious for this - making work as 'home-like' as possible: free food and drink, free laundry service, free massages, gym, even 'sleep pods' - basically taking away any excuse to ever leave the workplace. A very large number of employees in relationships with each other - there were onsite speed-dating events. No creche obviously, the last thing they wanted was employees having children, and that was embraced to a huge extent by the young staff - children were only something you would have once you made very senior leadership, in the same way that among some pack mammals only the alpha female breeds. It was almost cult-like.

Interestingly, since COVID, it has almost gone completely the other way with offices being shut down and everyone being told to embrace WFH forever. Some employers in the sector are urging a return to the office, but the majority have basically got rid of their offices - we have over 400 employees in the UK and our one remaining UK office only seats 30.

Forced "work family" crap is shit, a cynical attempt to foster loyalty so you'll do a few extra hours/cover a job that should be paid more etc for no extra money, because this is your family, right?

I've worked in a few places that felt sort of family-ish, but that wasn't down to mandated bonding, it was down to bosses and colleagues who were empathetic and friendly.

We shared stories from our lives and helped more than we were strictly obliged to because we liked and trusted each other and spent time together outside of work voluntarily.

It's all such bollocks. I'm a business owner and take pride in treating my employees fairly but we are not a family. It's fundamentally a commercial relationship and I see it very much as my staff sell me their time and expertise and in return I pay them well and show appreciation for a job well done. Lots of respect on both sides but no fakey family nonsense.

Too often this is code for "We want the same level of commitment/obligation you'd show to your family, but have no intention of offering you the same in return"

No thanks

Vulnerability workshops are cult tactics.

Tells you all you need to know.

I fucking love walking mantrum 😆