To be so disappointed about not being thanked for a dinner party

The irony being that, if Mumsnet had been around 40 years ago someone would have been saying exactly the same thing about manners albeit would have been about a lack of a call not text.

It's the same as it ever was ;some people have basic manners, some do not, some have different ideas of what are good manners. If the OP had said no thanks on the night that would have been rude.

You have odd/rude friends. You'd always clarify what was happening before the event so I am cooking x, we will do a buffet, do you want to come round and we can get a takeaway.

How many times do they need to say thanks?

Ime some people follow up, others don't. It tends to be a reflection on their manners rather than how much they enjoyed the evening. The only time I'd be concerned is if everyone usually followed up and they haven't this time, as that may indicate they didn't enjoy the evening. There may also be an element of not wanting to change the usual meals out to at home hosting, and they feel if they make a fuss about how great it was then it might become the new thing for the group.

This is me, too.

They did thank you, when they left.!

Being upset that they didn't send a separate message to say thank you again is unreasonable, yes.

It sounds like you’re normally the ones to reach out afterward via text on a group chat, and then everyone else follows suit. If you didn’t text to say thanks the next day, most likely the others wouldn’t of their own accord. So I don’t think comparing the thank yous is useful here!

They said thank you as they were leaving OP. I've never expected another thank you the day after unless I happen to bump into them somewhere and they say thank you again in passing.

A card/text is ott, unless you're actually writing your original post from the 1950s OP?

This
Your title is misleading, as they did thank you as they left..
They probably don't realise you expect to be thanked again!

They did thank you, op. I'm sure you will hear from them within the next few days with a couple of compliments but you are coming across as rather needy in wanting affirmation by text almost immediately. You know the evening went well, presumably you were happy with it, there's no reason to suppose the others were not. I used to write a note thanking the host or hosts after a dinner but people prefer texts and emails now. I'm sure you will get some but it is Monday, back to work and all that, they are probably busy.

Try to chill out and put it behind you.

I think thank you at the door is enough. Depends how close you are to them especially the wife? If you text a lot she could have thanked you, but if youre not then i wouldnt be annoyed about it.

My SIL never thanked me when i always take her daughter out and pay for everything. Now i just dont bother instead of winding myself up

For us, it is usual to phone up to two days or three days later.
I would always phone and thank in person.

Well if you have no manners people will judge!

I don't like the sneering / judgement from the "you have no manners" brigade

I don’t think it’s anything like that. You would t not thank for food just because you didn’t like it ( although who knows: maybe that’s now deemed to be “gaslighting” the host 🤣🙄)

As many on here have said, many don’t bother with follow up thanks. I suspect OP is perfectly aware of that; but sometimes other people’s behaviour does grate / leave you feeling rubbish when it’s not how you would behave to them. Hence the reachIng out on here.

I agree @Sosospring we even thank people via text the when there is no hosting involved. Eg) going out to a comedy club or restaurant. We always message and say "thanks for a great evening" when we are home or the next day

If it's the norm to send a next-day text amongst your friend group OP, I wouldn't necessarily expect it on Sunday but I think a text on Monday or Tuesday (as the week settles into normal life after weekend plans) is still within a reasonable timeframe.

And since you have a group chat going, you just know that as soon as the first one comes in, they'll all follow suit quite quickly.

I wouldn't write them all off just yet.

I agree I think it’s good manners to message thankyou. BUT I think many would consider the thankyou the night before sufficent. And some would send a written card afterwards.

OP I asked earlier but it may have got lost or you might have chosen not to answer.

Did you say anything controversial?
Have you heard from them since?
Is it possible they didn't like your food/it's made them ill?

I think social media and watsapp add a whole new layer of fuckery to social etiquette tbh. They thanked you on the way out and your gut instinct tells you they had a laugh. Just let it go and take that as a win. There could be any number of reasons they didn't text but you all enjoyed socialising in the real world. You'll make yourself ill overthinking every social interaction especially the digital ones which are much more difficult to interpret. There's more important things going on in the world. Move on. If it makes you feel better then don't offer to host again but definitely don't make a drama out of this. Aint nobody got time for that.

🤣 how anyone can be bothered with that level of social interaction after being at work all day is beyond me. Admittedly I have a pretty low social battery!

Of course cultural norms are relevant in a situation like this. That is why the op posted.

Lack of manners fundamentally boils down to an inability to see things from another person’s pov.

Something that is increasingly apparent on this thread.

I'd actually find it start to get irksome if people kept sending me messages for things they'd already thanked me for - the scourge of modern life is that we are bombarded by communications and I'd like to have fewer, not more.

If it was a message that added something e.g. "thanks for a lovely evening; here's a link to that recipe we were talking about" then great. If it's simply to say "thanks for a lovely evening; we really enjoyed ourselves", then fine, but no need to bother (and particularly no need to bother if you expect me to respond to your thank you message in some way).

And if people are only sending these messages because they "should" (which is the word that most of the pro-texters have used) then the notion of gratitude becomes diminished anyway. I'd like people to thank me because they want to and genuinely had a lovely time and want to talk about it some more. Not because of "should".

They obviously all said thank you as they left last night

You’re being extremely unreasonable OP. How many thanks do you need? Let it go. Move on.

i make every effort to thank people by text afterwards.

But personally I wouldn’t over think it.