To be so disappointed about not being thanked for a dinner party

BimbledAgain. Thank you.

I would have sent a thank you text the next day and would just consider that basic good manners for the effort and expense that's has been gone through.

From Debretts to this poster😳!

Old fashioned can definitely be wrong.

In this context of this thread, it can also mean unnecessary.

It's just rude in my opinion. I always follow up with at least a text, and for something like a formal dinner party I'd send a thank you card too, as well as bringing flowers or wine on the day itself.
My other pet peeve is that children so rarely send a thank you of any kind after receiving birthday/Xmas gifts. In this day and age it doesn't need to be letter,a simple text or phone call would suffice, but often it's a deafening silence from both child and parent.

Agree OldPerson as this is a regular meet-up situation, they may be waiting until the next occasion to say something.

I think complaining about not receiving a thank you card - in real life, to someone’s face, not anonymously on Mumsnet - qualifies as equally poor manners.

Just send a text.

Did they bring you flowers or chocs when they arrived? Because some people show their appreciation up front.

I wouldn't get too hung up on them not texting you the next day. You might find at the next group meal out together, that you receive compliments and appreciation for your meal.

But I suspect, if you usually go out to eat, some people may not be aware or familiar with how much effort goes into hosting a dinner party. It is hard work and a lot of planning, researching recipes, shopping, cleaning, cooking - and then cleaning up after everyone. And expensive.

But I'd wait until after your next meet up to decide whether you were appreciated or taken for granted. And then decide whether you can be bothered to host them again at yours.

There is nothing wrong with "old fashioned" and usually means good mannered.

@ilovegranny

”She used to buy me packs of thank you cards as a Christmas present!”

😂

Oh God, I had a friend who expected a carefully chosen thank you card to arrive, in the post, within 24 hours of anything - dinner, birthday gift, random occasion where she considered she had put herself out. I’m of the generation who learned to send thank you letters, but not necessarily the minute I arrived home. She would say, sadly, that she hadn’t received my thank you card, and maybe there was something wrong with the post, or I had got the address wrong. She used to buy me packs of thank you cards as a Christmas present! Extreme example, I know, and she was nuts and is no longer a friend, but it was awful. If, by good fortune, I sent one that arrived within the acceptable timescale, she would make sure she thanked me…

Saying thank you is important; it doesn’t matter how, as long as it’s genuine and not a month later.

Wow I'm with you OP but it's interesting how many people think saying thank you as you leave is enough. The same thing happened recently to me and I was quite surprised and a bit upset. Perhaps it's become the norm. I always make a point of keeping the vibe going and saying thanks for cooking for us and it was lovely to see you etc after a day or two. I am aware how much effort goes into cooking something nice for other people or hosting a party and I really appreciate it. But I guess if a majority think it's normal behaviour then there's no point in our being upset or hurt.

I would always follow up with a phone call or text at least.

That wasn't what happened though.

The OP was thanked at the time.

She just wanted to be thanked again the following day.

I would be extremely p'd off, if after going to all that trouble and expense, nobody had the good manners to thank me!

Hopefully no one ever does that! Beyond cringe.

I think it is a combination of social class, education and generation. FWIW I have a couple friends who always write a thank you card, but everyone else texts or sends an email. Always. If one grows up with this as the norm, anything that falls short is extremely bad manners. Equally, arriving to a dinner empty handed is bad manners

Always text the next day to say thank you, or frankly, you won’t be asked again!

Agree

Well I think the “ done thing” is subjective .

YABU OP.
They said thank you on leaving. None of my group would text the next day to thank the host again. Its just not the done thing. So if I was your friend, I'd be in the bad books as well.

I don't think a single person has said the thanking aspect is not important.
This whole thread has focused on whether thanking verbally is sufficient for a dinner party or whether it needs to be supplemented the following day.
OP wanted a message on the group chat. Others have suggested individual text message. Someone posted an excerpt from Debretts which suggested that for a dinner party it was appropriate to send written thanks.

I’m very aware that no one has said thanking is not important! The thread has moved on. I was broadening out the point and responding to several posters who said that the host obviously “wanted” to entertain as if that was connected to the thanking aspect, and I was responding to that specific point.

I would expect, and would receive, messages the following day. I don’t expect written thank you notes, but I do receive them. An elderly male friend always sends a most beautiful card ( one of his artworks) and writes in glorious copperplate; our DiL and SiL both also write thank you cards, though I keep
telling them there is no need.
I’m still annoyed not to have received a thank you ( not even a text) for the wedding gift given to a nephew a year ago. Very bad manners.