Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so disappointed about not being thanked for a dinner party

337 replies

Sosospring · 21/04/2024 21:06

We are a small group of friends who go out for dinner together every 2-3 months or so. It's just three couples so a small group. Anyway, one of them couldn't make the scheduled dinner so we have decided to invite the rest to our house for a dinner party. We put a lot of time, money and effort to get the best food, cook all three courses from scratch, get expensive wines etc... it was a lot of money and work. I thought it went well, everyone was laughing and the food was good. Although one of them was still very hangover from a couple of days earlier and one was very tired from traveling for work..I understand this and any occasional yawns because people are tired from work and having kids. But aibu to be really upset about not having received even one text today to thank us for the evening? They obviously all said thank you as they left last night but the silence today felt a bit deafening. If we ever happen to go to theirs for a party, we always make sure to send a thank you text the day after and so does everyone else. Am I being unreasonable to feel quite upset about receiving nothing at all? Is it normal?

OP posts:
FiveShelties · 21/04/2024 21:29

@YeahComeOnThen I just like to thank someone the following day especially when they have gone to a lot of trouble. Just seems to be a very small and easy thing to do to show the host just how much it was appreciated. But as the thread shows we all have different ways of doing things.

MumChp · 21/04/2024 21:29

My parents I remember always called (landline) the day after to say thank you for a lovely night. I never got the point of it as they always said it before leaving the hosts.

Bottomline. We don't phone or txt the day after a dinner/other get together stuff.
We always say thank you before leaving. I don't expect more from family and friends than that.

MintTwirl · 21/04/2024 21:28

I am on the side of those saying that they did thank you in person. Did they bring something along too? Wine/flowers/whatever?

Did people send cards after a dinner invite pre text messages? I’m 40 and have no idea!

Pomegranatecarnage · 21/04/2024 21:28

In my friendship group we always say thanks on the night and then follow up with messages of thanks and appreciation the following day.

Hankunamatata · 21/04/2024 21:28

They literally thanked you when they left. Why on earth do they need to thank you again today?

BringMeSunshineAllDayLong · 21/04/2024 21:26

YeahComeOnThen · 21/04/2024 21:20

@FiveShelties why? You've already said 'Thank you' at the time.

@Sosospring Don't do it if you don't enjoy it. Thank you when the leave is sufficient.

Show quote history

I do it because it's a kind thing to do when some has spent all day making dinner/shopping/tidying up. It takes me less than ten seconds.

YeahComeOnThen · 21/04/2024 21:26

Tarteline843 · 21/04/2024 21:19

Each to their own but I don’t think saying thank you when you leave is enough when someone has invited you to their home and shopped, cooked and served three courses. It’s expensive to host a dinner party nowadays and takes a lot of effort.

I would usually send a text or an email thanking the host the next day, or put a thank you card through their door if they lived locally.

People are not taught good manners any more, YANBU op.

I guess the only difference here might be that if this is part of a series of meet ups, and you were filling in a gap as it were, your guests might have framed this in their minds as “regular meet up” rather than “special night out”.

@Tarteline843

Or you know, people are less formal.

im 55, my friends & I enjoy each others company, we have different ways of doing this. Thankfully none of us make a Big Fat Fuss over it or demand multiple 'thank you's

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 21/04/2024 21:26

A fuss about nothing.

Dewdilly · 21/04/2024 21:24

I think it’s very odd to expect a text the next day.

NevergonnagiveHughup · 21/04/2024 21:24

You are totally right to feel hacked off OP.

It Is absolutely rude not to follow up the next day with a thank you. Nonsense from the “if I said thanks on the way out the door that’s enough” brigade.

Really?

If you actually believe this you are totally deluded your friends think you’re mad cool and can’t wait to invite you again.

DirectionToPerfection · 21/04/2024 21:24

DappledThings · 21/04/2024 21:22

I'd find it really overblown and cringy if someone thanked me on the way out and sent a card as well. Like they were trying to make something that had been fun weirdly formal.

A text wouldn't be so weird but definitely unnecessary.

This.

A thank you card is OTT in this day and age.

shepherdsangeldelight · 21/04/2024 21:23

I have to admit to not thinking that sending a text is such a great thing anyway. I mean if it was still etiquette to actually write a thank you card to the host of a dinner party, I'd slightly understand OP being annoyed at the lack of one.

But I can't see how getting a text saying "thanks for last night; we had a lovely evening" is particuarly indicative of your guests' appreciation on top of any verbal thanks they've already given.

DappledThings · 21/04/2024 21:22

I'd find it really overblown and cringy if someone thanked me on the way out and sent a card as well. Like they were trying to make something that had been fun weirdly formal.

A text wouldn't be so weird but definitely unnecessary.

Absurdgiraffe · 21/04/2024 21:21

They did thank you.

I would send a card rather than text, though.

OVienna · 21/04/2024 21:21

Tarteline843 · 21/04/2024 21:19

Each to their own but I don’t think saying thank you when you leave is enough when someone has invited you to their home and shopped, cooked and served three courses. It’s expensive to host a dinner party nowadays and takes a lot of effort.

I would usually send a text or an email thanking the host the next day, or put a thank you card through their door if they lived locally.

People are not taught good manners any more, YANBU op.

I guess the only difference here might be that if this is part of a series of meet ups, and you were filling in a gap as it were, your guests might have framed this in their minds as “regular meet up” rather than “special night out”.

Totally agree.

NiceDay2024 · 21/04/2024 21:21

I don’t think people do thank you cards for a meal. That is definitely old fashioned. Many people don’t even do cards for Christmas or birthdays any more.

YeahComeOnThen · 21/04/2024 21:20

FiveShelties · 21/04/2024 21:11

I would always text the following day to thank the host.

@FiveShelties why? You've already said 'Thank you' at the time.

@Sosospring Don't do it if you don't enjoy it. Thank you when the leave is sufficient.

Tarteline843 · 21/04/2024 21:19

Each to their own but I don’t think saying thank you when you leave is enough when someone has invited you to their home and shopped, cooked and served three courses. It’s expensive to host a dinner party nowadays and takes a lot of effort.

I would usually send a text or an email thanking the host the next day, or put a thank you card through their door if they lived locally.

People are not taught good manners any more, YANBU op.

I guess the only difference here might be that if this is part of a series of meet ups, and you were filling in a gap as it were, your guests might have framed this in their minds as “regular meet up” rather than “special night out”.

theeyeofdoe · 21/04/2024 21:19

We have a couple of friends who don't text, but they actually send a card - which is very sweet.

NiceDay2024 · 21/04/2024 21:18

I wouldn’t expect a text the next day. People don’t generally do formal thank yous any more I find. A lot of people wouldn’t think to even send a text. If they had a good time and said thank you when they left, it probably never occurred to them.

FiveShelties · 21/04/2024 21:17

Before texts I would have rung or sent a thank you card.@SmallIslander

Savoretti · 21/04/2024 21:17

So just one couple came? So it would only have been one text anyway?
and you said they were both tired or hungover so probably just chilling today

Splat92 · 21/04/2024 21:15

If I'd already said thank you in person I wouldn't think that I'd have to say it again? Doesn't mean I'm not thankful, I just don't get why you would have to say it twice.

MyRobotFriend · 21/04/2024 21:15

They did thank you as they left?

shepherdsangeldelight · 21/04/2024 21:15

Wouldn't even occur to me to send a thank you text when I'd thanked the hosts in person. Thank you texts are for when you haven't seen the person ...

Even if texting is normal amongst your friendship group can I suggest that feeling "quite upset" about the lack of one, is rather an overreaction? It sounds like it was a good evening and people were appreciative. What does getting a text add?