SAHM

@Placeo also just because someone isn't working in a "interesting job" doesn't mean they aren't interesting as a person.
That's quite an insult to be honest.

YABU. I was a SAHM and didn't enjoy it. Prefer working.

@Placeo not true. Many "interesting people" with "interesting jobs" take a break from it (ie maternity leave) so they are at soft play on a Tuesday morning.

Bluntly, the interesting people of working age will be at work in interesting jobs, not in soft play on Tuesday mornings.

Some would say that interesting people are unlikely to be on Mumsnet as they’re all too busy doing their interesting jobs to be on a chat site.

Personally I believe that life can take all sorts of unexpected twists and turns and that what people find interesting can vary.

God no thanks.

Mat leave was fine and so was part time when they will little but after that I would detest being a SAHP and I don't know anyone who has chosen to be SAHPs IRL after the baby years.

Bluntly, the interesting people of working age will be at work in interesting jobs, not in soft play on Tuesday mornings.

So many on here say 'oh god SAHM no thanks, I'd be bored'! Really? You couldn't think of all the things you could do? 🥴

There are a lot of things I'd like to do if I wasn't working. Not so many that it would be practical to do if I was also responsible for looking after small children and staying on top of housework etc.

My experience of being a SAHP was just during maternity leaves. I found baby groups etc soul destroying, didn't really gel with any of the other mums and I didn't have any friends who didn't work during the day, so I spent most of my days on my own playing cafes with small children or trying to make small talk with people who mostly blanked me at groups. Yes, it was boring. And I really couldn't think of all the things I could do to make it less so. Particularly as my not working also meant we didn't have a huge amount of money to do the things with.

Nope. Absolutely not. I have a very nice work/life balance, I have my independence, I don’t rely financially on my husband. For me, I’ve read on here too many times of naive women staying at home and giving up a career. Only for their husband to fuck off and leave them with no money and no job. Why would I want to potentially put myself in that position?!

Me too.

I’ve never managed to do housework etc + childcare.

Currently I sometimes do it in the night when I cannot sleep (BF).

As I SAHM I had lots of interesting adult conversations with other adults (parents, grandparents, random folk at places we went) - of course it might have been harder for those with young kids during lockdown, or who find/found it difficult to get out and about for other reasons. TBH, a lot of the adults at work actually wittered on/bragged talked about their kids as much as any SAHP I have known. Maybe I was just lucky to have interesting, intelligent and enthusiastic folk around me or to be able to visit interesting places.

I’d rather work part time. It doesn’t really suit me to have endless ground hog days at home, I need the enforced routine of work. Im not great at housework regardless but find it easier when we are all out of the house some days and im not staring at stuff needing to be done constantly.

Yes that's fair enough. It's a private school so we do long days and often also something on a weekend or evening, with more free periods than in a state school. So spent a lot of time together.

@Whatifthehokeycokey that was my point about having a career vs a job. You got to talk to fellow teachers (although I assume during your lunch break?)
My job (retail) we couldn't get into interesting conversations while on the shop floor in front of customers even if we wanted to. We talked about work (what needs doing etc) and to the customers
If I wanted interesting adult conversation I had to do it out of work time.
I had more interesting conversations with other adults at Stay and Play than I did at work 😂

DH and I have better convos when we are both working. We still discuss our interests now but it’s just richer - maybe because I get more reading/talk radio/engagement time at work, my world is broader.

I rem telling him a mundane story towards end of mat1, hearing myself and being ‘I need to go back to work’.

Also we carve out a lunch date on our WFH days not as easy to do while in Mat due to baby.

Re work convos - I met with a colleague last week and had a riveting convo about evolution, monkeys and baby poo 🤣🤣.

That DH & I also discussed at home.

But again that’s because my job is interesting.

I don’t get bored as such (on mat leave), I fill my days quite nicely.

Just not as fulfilled I think, hence why I will return.

I adore spending more time with my baby and child but even when I return to work my conditions are favourable both DH and I are pre- pandemic hybrid, flexible, work PT, grandparents do some childcare (their choice).

Engaged DH who also does mental load - this is big actually and not something that came naturally to him at first.

I think we probably do very different jobs. English Department here (teacher). We talk a lot about the theatre, poetry etc. I chat with the PE department about sport. I have a friend in the RE department and we talk about God!

@Whatifthehokeycokey the "adult conversation" thing I always find amusing in these discussions.
When I worked the adult conversations were 90% about work - "this task needs doing" type things. Not exactly brain stimulating 😂

@makeanddo I don't quite get the "I'd be bored" thing too. I actually liked going to Rhyme Time and Stay and Play etc - it was fun.
I found my (toddler) SAHM days mostly fun and fulfilling. I didn't have time to be bored.

Agree with this, totally get it if you have a career you enjoy but I actually dread the thought of having to go back to work once my DC start school as I don't have a "career" and would just be finding work for the sake of it! I love being at home with my babies.

I love my kids, and I'm part-time at the moment. Lots of reasons to choose work:

• adult conversation
• always had good friendships with work colleagues and been part of friendly, supportive teams
• my work is interesting and meaningful
• I get to use my skills and experience

I enjoy being at home with my kids and find the child development side interesting, and seeing their little personalities develop. But I do miss the adult conversation and get fed up with changing nappies, wiping tables, doing laundry etc.

Sorry but I simply don't believe that the majority of men do their fair share at home. I haven't seen anything that backs this up - stats/reports in the media, the fact that many older women leave their DH/DPs normally because they've had enough of them pulling their weight, the number of posts on here. I always get a bit of a feeling that is often the 'my DP is great' means they do a bit but not 50% and certainly not the mental load.

So many on here say 'oh god SAHM no thanks, I'd be bored'! Really? You couldn't think of all the things you could do? 🥴

I think most people are answering this thread with the view that if they were a SAHM they would be spending their whole day doing childcare and housework.

Not with the view that they would pay a full time nanny, a cleaner and a housekeeper and spend their day doing whatever they would like (whether it be paid work, voluntary work, travel or hobbies).

You'd struggle to get the opportunity to fill your time with TV, visiting beautiful places, long walks and volunteering if you had 2 toddlers in tow.

Lots of people struggle to progress in work even if they haven't taken time out as a SAHM/P though. Lots of folk in their 40's or 50's aren't much further up the career ladder than they were at 20 or 30, and that's ok if you are happy with that. I have a degree and a PhD and lots of work experience, in more than one area, but my time as a SAHM has definitely added skills to my 'list' (through volunteering, hobbies, general stuff at home etc). I find it quite sad that people are so keen to only see the negatives of having been a SAHM/P.

It does indeed depend on the sector and yes some SAHMs can pick things up again after a long period away from work but some really struggle. It certainly isn’t something you can count on. Particularly if you are aiming to earn enough to support a household on as opposed to a bit of extra spending money.

@Thepeopleversuswork I'd argue that not all SAHM are 'increasingly unemployable', especially if you've gained other skills (at home or volunteering in some way). It depends on the sector you work(ed) in and probably other factors too.