SAHM

If you think going for a coffee and using the gym (I do both before work incidentally) are massive economic contributions then probably very little point in debating this. The irony is whenever anyone tries to make the point about school fees being an economic contribution, they are shot down in flames , and yet coffee suffices!!

And you can work and rear children too - they aren't mutually exclusive!

@Emm36801 well that's those particular SAHMs. Not all are into coffee and the gym (although I frequently met up with some "for coffee" but we were actually organising school/local events etc).
Plus how do you know that's all they did with their lives? It's a lazy stereotype.

You do realise that spending money on coffee and the gym is also contributing to the economy? People not working but having disposable income to spend on leisure and activities does contribute to those businesses and the economy. They wouldn't like all those SAHM to go back to work and not be spending in their businesses, you know.

Wow. I’m a stay at home mum, after having a good career and my DC later in life. I’m shocked at all these judgey comments about SAHP! For me, I didn’t want to hand those precious moments of my much wanted DC over to someone else while working for the same cost as childcare. There’s no way I could have juggled my work with being a good mum, I just wouldn’t have had the bandwidth to do both. The downside to this is that if you don’t have a reliable partner or you break up (in my case), then you can be left absolutely up the proverbial. I wouldn’t have done anything differently, other than to choose a better partner and try to keep study or freelance up on the side…

And I think child-rearing is ABSOLUTELY contributing to society! Saying otherwise just helps keep women down and the expectation of being able to do it all to breaking point a societal expectation

I was asked this above and I said charitable work was contributing. But, in reality, all the SAHM's I see at school are off for coffee, the gym etc etc

I'd prefer to work rather than make financial sacrifices, put myself in a vulnerable position if we ever broke up, and have a decent pension etc. But if I knew I was set for life (eg won the lottery) then yes I'd be a sahm. But so would my husband

I said above - charitable work is contributing.

It's a contribution to the economy which benefits us all.

Look, if my daughters wrre capable of working but wanted to be SAHMs, I would be disappointed - that's how I feel.

@Emm36801 so you don't think a SAHP can contribute to society/volunteer/do charity work?
Why not?

Well some things are opinions and some are facts.

Its simply a fact that there are ways to contribute to society outside of paid employment.

Its also extremely arguable that some jobs are not really making a contribution to society and would not be missed if they disappeared.

Hopefully this thread has broadened your knowledge OP as lots of us on here really enjoy working and being working parents. Certainly this is true for all my friends. You have also opened my eyes that some people would prefer to stay at home.

@NewLifter a hobby doesn't have to always cost a lot of money.
One of my hobbies/interests is books and reading.
I spent an awful lot of time in my local library with my toddler.
Same with museums.
It was really until I had my daughter and was a SAHP that I had the freedom/time to be able to do the things I enjoy. I couldn't do them while working due to the hours I worked.

That is your view. I don't necessarily agree.

You said you can't understand why someone "wouldn't work" and that were brought up to "work hard and contribute to society".
You can be a SAHP and still do that.
That's why I didn't understand your point.

Funnily enough, there is another recent post on MN talking about being fed up with work.

There are also loads about finding children hard work! 😁

Is this to me?

For the affordability point, note I said ' IF I were financially independent'

As for your comment about ' what can you do with toddlers in tow' note I said, once the kids were in school.

Being a SAHM once the kids are in school is not full on hard work. That's six and and a half plus extra hours a day you have in your life, five days a week in term time, that working parents do not have.

You can absolutely be in a loving relationship and financially dependent, unfortunately, if the love goes it’s a very unhappy place to be and I’ve seen the results. It’s not pulling people down, more a cautionary tale. I wouldn’t word it like that to a friend’s face but you can be blunter on a forum like this.

But if you didn't work, how would you afford all these interesting hobbies? It's a bit patronising to assume that people don't understand there's other ways of gaining fulfillment. Also, what hobbies do you do with toddlers tagging along? Remember OP specifically said SAHM, not unemployed. It's NOT the same thing, SAHM is full on hard work.

My husband or I could have given up work to be a SAHP (not both at the same time though!). Neither of us wanted to. All my female friends went back to work and wanted to, they could have coped with just one salary but like us, preferred to go back. I guess it’s just different demographics, maybe we hang around with people who think like we do!

If I were financially independent I'd be a SAHM in a heartbeat.

Can't understand all the 'I'd be so bored without work' comments. I have a huge range of interests outside of my working life that I would love the chance to pursue if I didn't have to work ( and kids were in school).

I genuinely can't get my head around people who think that outside of paid employment, there is nothing else interesting to do with one's life.

@shepherdsangeldelight I did actually have loads of fun as a SAHM with 3 under 5 (lots of National Trust places, long outdoor walks and volunteering at local playgroups etc) in tow but I would love to be a SAHM now they're all at school.