SAHM

I think that's the other reason for me why I wasn't a SAHM in the end. And also (please no offence to SAHMs!) but I felt sort of guilty when I thought DH would be working hard for us, whilst I was just at home with our son. I know that's silly as it is a heck of a job to raise children! But that's how I genuinely felt. It's also the guilty feeling of spending money I haven't earned myself. I'm probably going to be a SAHM for a while when we have a second, so I hope I can get over these feelings!

God no, I adore my job and worked bloody hard to get here. I encountered the person doing my job and knew I wanted to be her 😆 I needed to do 2 years at college, 3 years at uni and then 5 years building experience - then I got promoted into her role when she retired 🥰 I didn't do all that to just throw it all away and sit at home.

It means so much to me knowing I role model hard work to my DC.

I love knowing I have financial independence and that I don't need to worry about how to cope when the DC become adults.

I don't know anyone who wants to be a SAHM. I know plenty who want to be a lady of leisure, but that's not the same thing.

If money was no object and my kids were school age, I’d love to be a sahm! Gym yoga, organised house, volunteering, hobbies, social life. Being a financially dependent sahm to a toddler, no thank you!! I currently work full time and earn double what DH does so it’s not likely to be a choice I make. DC are 2 and 6.

Definitely not for me. I would never be able to be a SAHM. I love working, find the social aspect invaluable and get bored and antsy at home for too long. I also am phobic about the idea of dependence on someone else’s money.

At a push I could have managed a couple of years but any more than that would have made me very unhappy indeed.

I don't know anyone in real life who would rather work, but the opinion of most people on Mumsnet seems to be very different.

Can I ask why you feel like this?

That's completely different. Im a SAHM and it's exhausting. When I win the lottery I'll spend my days going to the country club and drinking champagne, maybe the occasional spot of volunteering.

When I first became a SAHM I became friends with local SAHM and several of them went back to work part time because they needed a break from parenting. That was 100% their choice not forced upon them.

I'm a SAHM in the day and then go to work at night for a break and to keep me sane 😂

If kids are all school age I might agree with you but mine are not!

Under no circumstances would I choose SAHM. Lockdown when I was shielding nearly killed us all.

I went back to work part time after being a SAHM for 8 years. Work beats SAHM-ing hands down! I wish I'd gone back sooner tbh. I do have a choice - we don't need my earnings at all - but knowing what I know now, I'd chose to work every time.

I loved being a SAHM and can't wait to go back to it later this year.
I know SAHM who love it and never want to go back to work. I know mum's who work and would hate to be a SAHM. Neither of them are wrong. Just what people prefer.

I was a sahm until they went into school.

Sahm to pre school kids is bloody hard work.

In retrospect I should have used childcare a bit more as I might have been less frazzled!

It wouldn’t be for me at all. I found maternity leave boring enough and went back after 3 months as I will this time.

I love my career and I love earning my own money. I also wouldn’t want to solely rely on someone else financially, I’d feel so vulnerable.

@dollahsains exactly. I hated my job because it was boring, low pay, odd hours, badly organised......
I am a "SAHM" in theory but I actually fill my time with other things than child care and household chores - which is work in a way. I just don't get paid a wage for it.

I do sort of wish I didn’t have to work but I do love the money! And I love providing for my daughter and buying nice things, so I’m not sure really.

No, I wouldn't ever choose to be a SAHM. Nothing against it, it's just not for me.

DH would love to be a SAHD though, and he'd be great at it.

I’m a SAHM, I personally love it but it’s definitely not for everyone. My sister would hate it and loves her work. It’s personal preference, the same as anything else.

It’s interesting though that you think ‘most women would prefer to stay at home’ - what about most men? Why is it only women that people assume don’t want to work and would rather be at home with children??

@VGoghsEar ok so it isn't really a "one vs the other" thing - it's just there is a thread like this almost every other day in Mumsnet.

I could be a SAHM but have chosen to Work PT. On all 3 of my Mat leaves i desperately missed 'people' (always worked in public facing role) and felt I lost my sense of self just being home with the DCs.
I would absolutely continue working if I won the lottery but perhaps a different sector.

No thank you, I like working for my own independence. I was quite bored at home during Mat Leave.

I planned to be a SAHM and was able to. Changed my mind when I was on maternity leave! Working part time has been the perfect balance for me. It was very isolating on maternity leave for me!

Yes. Although for some reason feel bad for admitting it. And a bit worried how il get back into the workforce as my industry has since died

OP you need to distinguish between 'working' and 'working for money'.
I love the former. I hate the latter. I choose my current profession for financial reasons and while I like the work itself, it's all the things around it that get me down. Office politics, pointless meetings, bad bosses/colleagues.

If I won the lottery I wouldn't become a SAHM. I'd take on freelance projects at my leisure, or pursue my childhood dream of entering a creative profession!

I suppose some people can fill an entire day without paid work with domestic activities. Not me! I don't like cleaning, cooking, gardening or anything like that.

It's not 'work' that many people hate, it's their particular job and the inflexibility/stress/relentlessness of it.

Honestly sahp of school aged kids are so so much happier. There’s a world of difference to being a sahp to preschool dcs and then school dcs , the latter you get a massive break and loads of free time everyday. They get time to do housework , exercise etc.
I worked freelance when my dcs were small and was effectively a sahm but I loved it tbh (I have seriously reservations about nurseries but get that lots have no choice and have to use them) .
Now I’m working back in my career job and my dcs are in school and I’m absolutely exhausted tbh . My dh is completely hands on, it’s 50/50 but so much to do with 3 school aged kids and work.