SAHM

alovelynight
whereas I don't have any qualifications and worked in an office doing admin all day - boring

Why don't you change that

Most mums I know would choose to have a job that fits in with the school day and term times.

This i do think is true.

He loves his job! He has a career he went to uni for so really enjoys what he does, whereas I don't have any qualifications and worked in an office doing admin all day - boring.

I've got the choice but decided to work part time (2 days). Would love to have been a SAHM for a time but I knew I'd struggle to get back into May area of work if I left for a long period and I didn't want to eventually start from the bottom again.

My youngest is about to start school in September so feel like I made the right decision. I like the balance

I can’t think of anything worse. And if I win the lottery I may not do my current job but I’d do some kind of role…real estate or something. Staying at home with kids all the time is soul destroying.

What stuff? The nursery does the vast majority of it in the week.

With school ages children, yeh for sure

with anything before that, no way. Its utterly exhausting and can be mentally detrimental (to me) I like having a routine and being ‘me’ for a few hours a day.

i was a SAHM for 3 years during Covid and having been back into work for 2 years now, its been great. I’m a much happier mum.

I was a SAHM for 5 years. It was very hard work and soul destroying. If I could do it again, I would have hired a nanny part time just to pay the childcare costs and give myself a break.

Now my kids are older (primary age) they are great fun. I wish I had more time with them!

If I had won the lottery when DD was small, would I have contributed to work, probably not but I definitely wouldn’t have chosen to be a SAHM again. I would have volunteered and out sourced a lot of the SAHM drudgery. I would have employed a nanny, cleaner, chef etc.

I was a SAHM and wouldn’t do it again because I lost an important part of me in that time and doing something outside of my role as mum is very important to me.

Most mums I know would choose to have a job that fits in with the school day and term times.

Yes, but here we get into the lottery win territory. An average family has limited funds, which you need to consider when you want to spend your days doing interesting things. Work allows me to do interesting things and then later use the money to do interesting things with my family.

I would choose to work, but two days instead of three. I know I’m very privileged to only have to work for three though

I'm on maternity leave and then taking a years career break due to nursery fees in my area being higher than my salary, and I'd rather work than be a SAHM. I have to remind myself this is best for him as I miss my job, doesn't help it was one of those dreams jobs that don't come along often and a pleasure to roll out of bed to go to!

Im on mat but normally work part time with an engaged DH (everything would work fine if either of us left home for a week).
My days off are strictly for having fun not housework.

I’m a better mum & wife (as in romantic partner) for working I need the mental stimulation, I’m active/sociable on mat but I get a bit blue when my life is smaller.

I do want my DC to see mum & dad living equal lives.

If I won the lottery I’d become a lifelong student, the DC would still go nursery, I’d have a nanny/housekeeper, gardener.

I love being a sahm and tbh it was a factor in whether we had dcs at all (would not want to be juggling work and dcs). But it's hard work as my youngest is under 2. I don't think every parent would want to do it as it's relentless at this age, and unpredictable. Will definitely be easier and more chilled when the youngest is in preschool and I get some time for myself. I have an OU enrolment waiting for me (for pure interest, not career development), as intellectual stimulation is important to me.

Lots of parents also wouldn't choose it because they'd be worried about losing social status from their work, and financial independence amd they need the social interaction at work. I achieved financial independence before having dcs, and have never cared much about other people's opinions, and don't need much social contact beyond my family, so that hasn't been an concern for me.

Whenever I read these threads I realise I must be antisocial, lazy and thick as pig shit 😂 Of course I wouldn't go to work if i didn't have to (assuming it was due to inheritance or lottery that we had a level of luxury without my meagre-but-vital salary) I 100% wouldn't get bored. I'd fill my time very easily with TV, visiting beautiful places, long walks and volunteering.

And you have done well!
Another child free one here.
I could never and still don't understand at 44
why in this short life would I choose to cancel
myself for the benefit of someone else.

Do they to the same extent 😂?

Personally I think being an employed mother is unfortunately often very different to being an employed father. "Second shift" and all that.

For women, often their break IS work, whereas an alarming number of men use the fact that they work as a reason for why they need a break for most of the time that they're home.

100% this. I work full time and I’m studying for a masters. I need the challenge.

I’ve worked bloody hard to earn well. I hated being dependent on my dh (despite full access to the accounts) and felt very vulnerable. I saw friends marriages end and the women were the ones on the breadline while the man continued earning well. It scared me that dh could come home one day and day he was leaving and I’d be screwed on a part time salary. I hate the idea of staying with a man because I’m financially dependent so I made the choice to ensure that wasn’t the case. Call it smug if you want, I call it sensible.

How do long term sahm get back into work? It can be a long time if you have multiple kids

I love being a SAHM but I know plenty of people who really didn't like the baby stage and were very happy to return to work. Some had second children and deliberately took the minimum maternity leave.

Different strokes for different folks etc.

I have observed that it is very difficult to work, look after the children and keep on top of the housework though. Most women I know outsource at least one of them (by being a SAHM/going part-time, using nurseries/other childcare, or getting a cleaner/gardener etc.

Nope… not for me!

I love my children and would do anything for their happiness but after two back to back maternities I found very quickly that it was all, make breakfast and then clear up. Make lunch and then clear up. Grocery shopping and the odd kids club here or there. Make dinner and then clean up. Tidy and clean the house. Rinse and repeat! Then there was the odd day out here and there but not everyday. Nothing I can’t do on a weekend.

So no not for me. I’m far more content with my career, my chosen childcare, our quality time at weekends, Seeing my kids after their busy day, our lovely holidays and my own earnings.

Nope. No way. Was champing to be back after a year each time as I felt my brain was in atrophy. I like my job, what I do, sense of self worth and job satisfaction and most important financial independence esp if poo hit the fan personally

And so do employed men…