DP wants to loan money from me

I agree with you but great it's a done deal and the OO has already lost her money.

He's an idiot. You know he's financially irresponsible so you'd be a fool to lend him anything

Never. Full stop.

Look at it this way, if banks, factoring companies, and other other sources of finance wouldn’t lend his company the money, with all the information and credit checks at their disposal, all their knowledge and experience, and the fact that they are in the business of lending companies money…… then why would it be a good idea for you to??

He will have an argument ready for every explanation you have for not giving him a loan. He may sob, cry eventually anger. He may lay blame at you for saying it will end the relationship.....ignore it all. "It doesn't work for me" is a useful phrase. Do not engage with his arguments. Hope things work out for you.

Nope. Never in a million years.

So apparently other finance means have been exhausted and no one wants to loan him the money

And those other sources will have good reason why they don't want to lend him the money. It means they don't think he is reliable enough/financially secure enough to pay them back.

My DH does work for an American company. They have crazy long payment terms (120 days). I hate it! Theres a whole industry there built up on getting loans for your invoices, which I think is madness!

BUT, we know that is the case and we plan for it. He has other contracts in the UK that pay much faster and provide the majority of his day to day cash flow and a low salary etc. Yes it’s so tempting to go mad when that big payment comes in, but at least half of it is kept back to cover future costs, tax etc and the other half is issued as a dividend.

And he could always go out and work a shift at Tesco or something if we were broke. Definitely nothing stopping him doing that!

Don’t lend any money to this man

No.

No

No.

It'll be a disaster for you.

He doesn't want to 'loan money from you'. He wants to borrow money from you or he wants you to loan him money.

Anyway, say no.

Never known invoicing to work like that. He is lying through his teeth

plus the moody and unsupportive is him sulking to get his own way, putting it all on you as the reason his business fails.
he is hoping you are so desperate for his attention that you will pay up.
be warned that this is his MO - withdraw affection and support until you come in line.

Unfortuantely for him that doesnt seem to be working for you, as you are viewing the moodiness as a reason you dont want to help, but if he'd knocked your self esteem enough it might have. I imagine that when you refuse he will break up with you, or threaten to do so.

my DP is a director in their family farm, which is a ltd company AND he has a FT job in local government. If anyone was going to be funny about outside work, local gov would be it. It would only likely be an issue if it was a company in direct competition. But to pick up a few hours doing something quick and easy to get work in, no it wont be any kind of issue

Also as others say - IF he previously had to borrow from an ex he hasnt learned to manage his cashflow
IF he spent up big, and this is a 'tendancy' then he hasnt learned to manage his cashflow
IF he has a business with big contracts paid at intervals through the year and he has run out of cash 6-9 months into the year, he hasnt learned to manage his cashflow
IF the money earned each year is enough to live, a bank will be able to assess and lend, or a 0% credit card would be an option

The only reason its not an option is because his credit score or earnings are shite

If he cannot manage his cashflow he is either shite with money and this is going to be a regular occurance for your relationship, or he isnt actually earning enough to live and needs an employment alongside his self employment

"not able or willing to support me in ways I need, like emotionally and physically, because of this.

He has lied to me about his financial position in the past. Exaggerated his income and net worth"

He's clearly not a great catch.

So, you should probably be asking yourself if you should continue with the relationship, above whether to lend him money.

so basically I am his only option to get through this

FUCK THAT NOISE. NO!

You'd be crazy to loan it. If he doesn't support you, isn't keen to make any positive changes to his situation such as admit his business is failing and he needs an employed job. I'd not be hanging around never mind loaning money.

For many jobs no, he would not have to give up being a director, and certainly would not have to fold the company.

My mother did this for her brother, he still owes her 100k he will never pay off (the company folded in the end, it was not long term viable).

He told me he would have to give up being a director (limited company) and fold the company if he took work elsewhere as it wasn’t allowed?

Unless there is a contractual obligation, or a conflict of interest, his company can keep running as normal.

He's playing you like a fiddle.

https://www.mad-hr.co.uk/blog/can-you-stop-an-employee-from-taking-a-second-job

How much money is he wanting from you?

Sounds like a con artist. he's probably sponged money off of his ex and anyone else who would give him money

I wouldn’t lend him the money unless you’re actually a millionaire and it’s a small amount! there’s too much that doesn’t add up here (the extended invoice terms etc) and he isn’t even nice and supportive towards you.

It’s totally fine to be a director of a company and take some paid employment. Invoices don’t become “void” either. He could look into invoice factoring services where you get a % of your invoice upfront from a company and they get the money from the customer.

Ask to see the invoices then call the customer just to check they have received them

I would not risk mixing your finances with his business. If he is not really in trouble he’d be able to ask a bank for support. He would then have to plan to pay them back - presumably he thinks of your money as his to use and you won’t see it again.

@Throwaway555 have you already given him the money?

Only you seem quite defensive of his behaviour and have said a couple of times that he can't be conning you because he's not supporting you on other ways.

His behaviour can be easily explained, he's an entitled, self-centred twat and once your money runs out he'll move on.

The comments on this thread have pointed out his many lies and I haven't seen one post to say you should hand over your savings to this unreliable liar.

I honestly can't see what you're getting out of this relationship.

So he's a liar, a fantasist, treats you like shit and wants your money.

I can see why you love him so much. He sounds great.

please do not do this. It won’t end well x

You seem to be taking a lot on faith here. He says a lot, but what evidence has he actually presented to back up what he says? About any of it. He says for example he had an amicable split with a woman who loaned him money which he says he paid back - what do you have other than his word that this is true?

One thing for sure is NOT true - that he has learned his lesson, because if he had he’d not be asking yet another woman to bail him out.

If he was above board and not lying to you you’d feel able to ask him for evidence about his finances, as his partner and someone he is asking for a favour. Actually, he would have already offered to give you more than just his words to go on. But instead he’s been treating you badly and being moody with you. Which seems to have made you question whether you should investigate more about the truth of what he’s saying. Dunno, seems kind of manipulative on his part to me.