Am I mean for not inviting elderly parents on holiday?

Is SAGA still a thing? I’d see if you can find something like that and wave them off on their own OP.

My df (parents late 80s) likes to 'treat' me and dh to a week away every year to Kent., Lovely idea, vey kind of him. The reality is that I basically spend a week being my mums carer, cooking etc, its NOT a holiday for me, its hard bloody work, they are both pretty immobile, one is deaf as a post, we have to accommodate my DF and his very bland but enormous appetite , so a week of me cooking or pub meals.

I do it because I love them, it gives them a very welcome change of scene which I think is good for them but honestly, do I enjoy it? NO, I come home stressed and knackered and looking forward to our holiday alone!

Cruise could be a good idea. Parents can stay on board or do orgainised trips while you explore.

You think it's petty and selfish for someone in their late 30s who visits their DPs every single weekend, to have their own holidays that they enjoy?
I think it's selfish of the DF to make OP feel guilty about living her own life. He should be encouraging her to explore and see the world.

I tell DPs very little about our holidays any more. DM is good because she says we should enjoy ourselves while we can, but DF just moans about the fact he can't travel any more. They are too old to take away and when we did take them for a long UK weekend when DS was young, it was an absolute nightmare.

You enjoy their company and they want to go away with you. Just go. They're elderly and you get along well. I don't think having to think about dietary restrictions should stop you, that sounds petty and selfish to be honest (sorry).

Surely you say that's great df you book something on xxx dates and I will come... Why do you need to sort everything and pay?

Maybe consider a cruise, they are very good at catering for dietary needs & they’d have the choice of getting off at each port to explore or stay onboard whilst you go off on your own.

There are three of us, we used to take her away in rotation ,all went well and then it started, Oooh I would quite like to see Ronda, the following year to my sister who had three under five, I hear Granada is well worth a visit…All our addlers were under ten all they wanted was the pool, the independence for the older ones to wander off for ice cream and cheesy puffs. (They didn’t know we could spy on them over the pool wall practically.😂

Something broke the cycle (can’t remember what) (and we were on the bones for about three years. A few years and good bonus later and we booked a much loved favourite, I said I am not looking forward to that hill, 45 ish ….

She said oh I am sure I will manage it…….😱70 with a pacemaker who couldn’t walk the length of her self without coming over all unnecessary/

Well actually Mum it is a moot point because we are going on our own, the children just want the pool, the sea and ice cream.

The atmosphere was glacial for weeks.

Then after my father died, she and her choir ladies, formed a holiday group called the Merry Widows, because she was last into the group she just had to roll with the punches, it was interesting to watch.

Yes post above is what I was trying to say. Something for them which doesn’t take away from you.

This.

Also suggest some age-friendly holidays that they could do on their own. My octogenarian DPILs do cruises, coach trips, Warners-type hotel breaks: there's an entire industry based on providing holidays for older people who may need assistance with luggage, less challenging food etc.

Bear in mind that your DM's health may make overseas travel insurance difficult unless you go with a firm which includes it in the package.

A weekend self catering sounds best as you’ll have long stretches of inactivity if your mum isn’t too mobile. You can get a Tesco etc delivery to the cottage just as you arrive, for ease.
You can still have cafe visits for the social aspect.
And wander off on your own for a few hours.

I used to take my frail parents to a coastal town once a year for 3 or 4 nights. it certainly wasn’t a holiday for me but it was the highlight of their year.

Do a long weekend with them and view it as being in place of one of the weekends you spend with them anyway? And then enjoy your actual holidays?

I am going to try to say this with kindness but you are an adult and it seems to me that your parents still expect your life to revolve around them.

Don't you want your own life too?

It sounds odd that you spend every weekend with them and now that your father also expect your mother to be part of your holiday plans.

Do you have your own friends? hobbies? do you want a relationship? because none of that is going to happen if you spend all your free time with your parents.

I think you are also being groomed to be your parents full time carers as they are ageing too...

@Needsomesun24 since you holiday regularly and also get along with your parents, I’m your place I would book one holiday a year that I would quite like but that meets parents needs and take them.

That way they are happy, you are happy and you will never feel bad for not taking them

Would a short break at a Warners resort be suitable for them? There are some beautiful historic hotels, with vast gorgeous gardens lots of activities and usually towns and cities to visit nearby. It wouldn't be your cup of tea probably, but the facilities are excellent for guests with health issues.
My pils go to different ones, and my mils dietary requirements are always catered for.

I have had a holiday with my
elderly parent for 10 years for a week or a few short breaks. It is tailored entirely to their needs.
Quality time together

Then I go on other more active holidays with my friends & partner

I also travel one too

I would suggest, if you have the time & money, then go on holiday together. Your parents will not be here forever. Take lots of photos

Would your dad travel? At that age my grandfather wouldn’t travel but my grandmother still wanted to - but then of course it meant she didn’t have someone to go with.

Maybe organise a weekend away with them? You don’t need to take them on all your trips (I wouldn’t either, it’s a different experience), but if you get on and they fancy a trip…?

Or of course, they both fancy a holiday but are conscious in their old age it would be helpful to have you there…?

It's nice that you are going to plan a holiday for next year, but I wanted to say that you shouldn't feel guilty. You are entitled to a life as well and it sounds like you do a lot already for them.What age are they as if you are only in your 30s I'm wondering what age they are ?

I'd do a long weekend in the UK, somewhere where you can stroll off for a mooch around the nearest town/beach if your mum needs a rest.

We did this with my MIL last year and just treated it as a complete chill, no long walks like we'd normally do, or sight seeing, just watched films, played games, cooked some nice food, had lovely wine etc. I'm so glad we did as she passed away very suddenly a month later.

Sounds like your dad needs a break. Why not take your mum somewhere in the uk for a couple of nights, eg theatre break and see how it goes.

Could they go on a short cruise? Always medical staff on hand if someone is unexpectedly ill. And use of wheelchairs is very practical. Perhaps you could all go on one for a few days to see how they like it and in future they can go in their own and you can go wherever you want knowing they are ok.

Also, to be honest, why can't your dad and your mum go on their own?

I'm disabled and use a wheelchair and I travel all over the U.K. and go on holiday abroad.

Tell them to book their own holiday! Self catering cottages that are disabled friends are quite easy to find in the U.K.