Childcare set up

there've been lots of notes of caution but, it may well work for you -

One thing I've not seen mentioned much is, in my experience there's no such thing as free childcare.

Childcare always comes with strings attached. With grandparents one string is they can get too involved and start giving you guidance or expressing opinions. This may come from a loving place and may even be welcome at first but after a while can end up being judgemental and causing problems.

Being a parent is hard - there's often no clear right or wrong way and you will inevitably make mistakes. It can be hard enough with mum and dad, negotiating common approaches, allowing some differences and allowing and accepting the other parent to make mistakes. When grandparents get heavily involved how will you and especially DH cope with this almost inevitable conflict. You may be happy disagreeing with your parents about how to treat your son, and they may be willing to give you some space to do your own thing, but will they let your husband do his thing, and how will you cope if he disagrees with your mum?

The first 9 months is insanely hard but as you return to work you'll both probably still be getting more and more rundown, tired, and irritable. For my kids the childcare got easier but the cumulative effect seemed to still build until ~18 months.

Agree with PPs that 2 days is too much for grandparents and a split in the other direction would work better. I have GP help but it can be unreliable at times with holidays / illnesses / other plans and it's much harder to rearrange childcare for 2 days that week than 1. And it sounds, dare I say it, a little cold of you to offload the child on GPs one night a week to have quality time with your partner. They're still very very young.

I agree with others that 1 nursery day per week could be hard to settle. Some nurseries also don’t allow this. I’d save occasional gp overnights for weekends when you can really enjoy time with your DH rather than an exhausted midweek post work night.

Would it be an option instead to have your baby in nursery three days per week, and your parents pick up around 3pm (or even midday) on two days and take your child to the park until you come home from work? And the third day you make that day your early finish day and pick up yourself at 3pm?

I think this would be kinder to DC in terms of settling at nursery and getting all the benefits of nursery, kinder on both you and DC in terms of not having so many nights apart, and more future-proof because two days in a row with DC including overnight might be fine now for your parents but much more demanding when DC becomes a toddler. And you are better covered in case of illness as your DC could stay longer at nursery if your parents were unavailable.

At your child's current age, you can make them do anything really, but in a year or so you will have a much more opinionated toddler. What if they don't want to be away from you overnight - but then your nursery might no longer have availability to increase their days.

Having my baby away from me for one night per week just would not have worked for me. It may do for you.

Generally it's better for children to have more than one day of nursery per week. They settle more easily if it's 2-3 days. Many nurseries require at least two days. Also, does yours open that early and until that late?

I wouldn't have wanted my baby to be away from me overnight. But maybe it works well in your family.

I wouldn't rely on regular GP care.
As time goes on you'll be so beholden. You won't think so now.
I've seen it time and time again.
Agree one day at nursery is not enough for the child from week to week.

All you can do is try it. The downsides are that dc might take longer to settle into nursery and how your parents cope with childcare.

That’s my post. I love that I got flamed for my parents doing one day a week and that was way too much and I was unreasonable but OP is praised for getting more.

New post here https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5059527-re-my-parents-and-childcare?reply=134708326 from a poster whose fit and active parents are finding the reality of looking after young children more hard work than they expected.

Just a word of warning from a nursery worker: 1 day a week is very very hard on your baby. It makes settling in very difficult and a really long process. In fact, most nurseries won't sell less than 2 days for this very reason. Plus, bugs froM nursery hitting elderly grandparents hard could mean big chunks of no childcare.

I think it sounds lovely. I have friends who do similar, except the grandparents come to their house for the overnight, rather than the little one going to them. I do agree about the one day at nursery though. That might be hard to find, and hard to settle to. Could the baby also do Wed or Thurs morning at the nursery? Or how about if with grandparents Wednesday and Granparents take to nursery on Thursday, for you to pick up? It could be just Thursday afternoon?

Have you found a nursery willing to take him just the one day? Most won’t and it will be really hard for him to settle.

You need a back up plan for if your parents are ill or decide it’s too much work.

Btw a lot of Nurserys won’t accept one day! Minimum in my area is two full days

Too much upheaval imo- one day at nursery will be difficult for him to settle and I couldn’t be without my baby one night every single week

I could have written exactly this!!! Nollie12 So true

What's the plan for when your parents want to go away? I know friends who rely a lot on grandparents for childcare end up using all their annual leave to cover grandparent holidays, and never really get one of their own unless they go away at the same time.

It sounds like a good plan.

Have you got your nursery lined up and a space reserved? Where I live you'd have to have this sorted before your child is born.
The nursery is also likely to have a minimum of 2 days to be booked, otherwise it's not profitable for them with the admin for a 1 day child.

What's your plan when your parents are ill or holiday?

Don't underestimate how tiring condensing your hours at work can be when you've got small children.

You might find it hard to be away from your child that length of time.
I work full time, so I'm not saying that as someone who spends every waking moment with their kids. But I couldn't not see them in the mornings and evenings. So just be certain you think you can.

Another one echoing PPs about 1 day in nursery being hard to settle for (and thats a really long day in nursery!!) Bear in mind from 7am tues until 6pm thurs your little one will hardly see you... might be a struggle for you all? 😕

OP in my area nurseries do a minimum of 2 sessions so 1 day a week would be fine. I do agree about the settling though, my DS has been at nursery almost 18 months doing 2 days a week and drop off are still a nightmare (he is fine once he's there though, he doesn't want to leave at pick up!). I would look into 2 days though, could you do Tuesday/Wednesday and your parents pick up from nursery on the Wednesday to have overnight?

Our nursery was a minimum of two days when dc went. I think 1 day isn't enough to build familiarity. Your parents may also find it a lot more tiring than they thought, what would your plans be then?

I think nursery on Tuesday and Thursday or Tuesday and Wednesday and grandparents for the other day with no overnight is a much better plan.

Worth checking if your local nursery will allow this. I know all the nurseries in my area (Northamptonshire) have a minimum of two days to per week. I'd also say little one would find it very hard to settle properly with only one day per week.

1 day a week will take ages to settle in and a full 48 hours of babysitting is a lot to ask or expect from parents, so no, I wouldn't do this. Grandparents can be a good fall back, not a good idea to fully rely on them, imo.