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Original poster

To do this at a child's party where I was the facepainter

284 replies

BrickTraybake · 21/04/2024 13:30

I am trying to establish a small business as a facepainter just to earn a little extra money.

Yesterday I did a childs birthday party for one of the mums at my DSS's school. I did it at a discount price for her as she said she would recommend me to all the other mums and she is the PTA and said she can get me a slot at school fairs.

I have a system where I get the children interested in having their facepainted to write down their name on the list and then I call them when it's their turn so there's not loads of bored kids queueing. The parents sign next to the child's name to say they consent to me painting their face and then they tick a box if they consent to me using images for promotion. It's worked well so far.

So yesterday one mum puts a massive X in the photo consent box and writes next to it NO PHOTOS NO SOCIAL MEDIA!! fair enough.

When it came to that child's turn, I wrote next to her name "pink Tshirt" just to remind me of who she was in case I accidently got her in the background of a pic.

Mum paid up, everyone happy. Then later on Facebook I saw her post thanking everyone for coming to the party and the mum of pink t-shirt girl wrote underneath "thanks for inviting us! Shame facepainter wrote down details of what my child was wearing?? Bit odd 😂" and the mum shock-reacted it.

I'm so upset. I was so looking forward to hopefully getting more party bookings and a place at the school fairs. This was only my third party and now I'm worried this mum will gossip that I'm a wierdo and I won't get any more.

Was I in the wrong? Should I reply??

OP posts:
Whatifthehokeycokey · 22/04/2024 08:33

BrickTraybake · 21/04/2024 18:15

Omg!!

I did it. I used one of the replies on here. Thank you so much.
I did it then closed my phone with my heart pumping and went sort dinner. When I looked at my phone half an hour later 8 of the other mums had liked my comment and five of them wrote underneath her comment but to me, stuff like 'thanks so much for the facepainting xyz loved it" and then on the same post but a separate comment one of them asked me if I would do her DS's party. It was like they could all see what she was doing and they were sticking up for me I am so grateful - I hardly know them. I think I agree they do all know she's a bit of a nightmare.

And then I went to put my DD in the bath glanced at phone again and she had deleted her comment.

Whoop 🥳

That sounds like a win.

Viviennemary · 22/04/2024 08:30

She sounds an absolute pain. You did nothing wrong. Just explain as other posters suggested.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 22/04/2024 07:43

Misthios · 21/04/2024 14:22

Bearing in mind she's a Big Cahoona in the PTA (just spotted how close to PITA that acronym is ... coincidence? ) world I agree replying as recommended is a grand idea to the point of faux puzzlement.

Reading comprehension not your strong point, is it? It was the party host mother who is involved in the PTA, not the mother of pink t-shirt girl, who was a guest at the party. Still, don't let facts get in the way of having your wee pop at the mums and dads who give up their time to fundraise for your kids.

I'd go with one of the responses you have been given OP, but not the one starting with "hiya!" which is about as unprofessional as you can get. Also agree that when someone posts a dickish comment on social media and gets a response which is polite but points it out as dickish, they just end up looking even more silly.

Ahhh yes I did read that wrong. Apologies OP and any PTA MNers reading, my bad. I don't have a reading comprehension problem but thanks for pointing my mis read that out to me in such a nice fashion.Grin

And my comment about PTA was in the context of my initial misreading so now makes your point a bit moot.

asbigasablueberry · 22/04/2024 07:09

BaronessBomburst · 21/04/2024 13:36

Just explain.
@Bluebellsinthesun post is perfect as it's factual, neutral, and professional.
You'd actually go up in my estimation, not down.

Yes, this!

Blueblell · 22/04/2024 06:42

Reply to the message calmly and it will be obvious to others reading it why you did it and show you took her request seriously and made sure you knew which child was not to appear in the photographs. Turn it into a positive.

T1Dmama · 22/04/2024 01:15

MHN101 · 21/04/2024 21:27

My interpretation of GDPR/confidentaility as a teacher is would be that I could get sacked for revealing confidential info like this on Facebook - what if the woman didn’t want anyone to know she doesn’t allow her kids photos on SM etc?

Apologies if it’s wrong OP et al and not a breach, didn’t mean to cause alarm.

I would say, even if it’s not a breach, I would see it as unprofessional of OP. The woman was a dick, absolutely, but OP risks a lot more by taking her on on her friends FB page.

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OP has quite clearly stated that her response didn’t reveal any preference regarding sharing of images… she likely just responded something polite like ‘I sometimes note what a child is wearing for identity reasons!’

PrincessFionaCharming · 22/04/2024 01:13

BrickTraybake · 21/04/2024 13:49

Thanks all. I do know I am being a wuss but you wouldn't beleive the amount of confidence I needed to build up just to do this I have painted kids faces at birthday parties for family members for free for years and I have been told countless times that I should do it professionally but I never have the confidence. I'm only doing it now because I really need the money. My first party I was crying on my way there I was so nervous. But thank you, I will put on my brave pants and reply to her
I am a bit scared of her though. She was really forceful and she put a massive X over the box using her own black felt tip pen and pressed so hard she ripped the paper a bit lol

Lol what an absolute knob. I’m embarrassed for her.

T1Dmama · 22/04/2024 01:03

CheezePleeze · 21/04/2024 20:46

So it's already been deleted then? I mean along with her comment?

That's good, now I'd ask for this thread to be deleted too if I were you.

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Don’t be daft!

Are you the mother at the party running down a business woman and potentially loosing her custom?? Sounds like you might be her!!

T1Dmama · 22/04/2024 00:58

BrickTraybake · 21/04/2024 18:15

Omg!!

I did it. I used one of the replies on here. Thank you so much.
I did it then closed my phone with my heart pumping and went sort dinner. When I looked at my phone half an hour later 8 of the other mums had liked my comment and five of them wrote underneath her comment but to me, stuff like 'thanks so much for the facepainting xyz loved it" and then on the same post but a separate comment one of them asked me if I would do her DS's party. It was like they could all see what she was doing and they were sticking up for me I am so grateful - I hardly know them. I think I agree they do all know she's a bit of a nightmare.

And then I went to put my DD in the bath glanced at phone again and she had deleted her comment.

Whoop 🥳

Result ♥️

she made herself look stupid and she knows it!

T1Dmama · 22/04/2024 00:53

78Summer · 21/04/2024 14:12

I would reply. Please note the description of the top colour, was a note for me to ensure (as requested) your daughter did not appear in any social media. This is a usual part of my safeguarding and consent process.

This

stargirly · 22/04/2024 00:26

so glad you got this sorted, sounds like the mum is a bit of a nightmare but great that the other women had your back and delighted to hear you will have more bookings going ahead, congrats and best of luck with your business ! 🩷

Scotcheggz · 21/04/2024 23:56

@MHN101 are you the tear the page black felt tip marker woman?

Rockschooldropout · 21/04/2024 23:56

OP- glad you got it sorted but some pointers for future …
Ive been a professional face and body painter for 18 years and I teach at conventions etc aswell ..

If you are in fb there are a wealth of helpful groups you can join but it’s worth noting that if you intend to charge you must have PLI and also register for self assessment..

Re photos , you really don’t want to be keeping model consent forms as you will get caught up in GDPR..

Have a sign at bookings saying “occasionally I may take photos that I wish to use for social media , please let me know if you’d rather I didn’t use your child’s photo “
Verbal permission us fine as a parent can change their mind even they’ve signed a form
I rarely take photos as I’m too busy but if I do, I ask the parent if it’s ok and say where I might use the photo , I also give them a card and tell them they can email me for a copy , so it’s good marketing too
never discount your prices so that you are selling yourself short , otherwise you’ll never be taken seriously , know your worth ,

AtrociousCircumstance · 21/04/2024 23:47

On the contrary it was a smart move @BrickTraybake Well done.

kkloo · 21/04/2024 23:39

MHN101 · 21/04/2024 21:27

My interpretation of GDPR/confidentaility as a teacher is would be that I could get sacked for revealing confidential info like this on Facebook - what if the woman didn’t want anyone to know she doesn’t allow her kids photos on SM etc?

Apologies if it’s wrong OP et al and not a breach, didn’t mean to cause alarm.

I would say, even if it’s not a breach, I would see it as unprofessional of OP. The woman was a dick, absolutely, but OP risks a lot more by taking her on on her friends FB page.

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If you did something completely innocent and then a parent tried to imply you were some kind of paedophile/kidnapper/complete weirdo then would you be worrying about GDPR or would you be clearing it up?

Also in this case it doesn't seem like the woman didn't want anyone to know she didn't want the childs picture to be taken seeing as put a massive X in the photo consent box and writes next to it NO PHOTOS NO SOCIAL MEDIA!! on a form that everyone signs.

kkloo · 21/04/2024 23:30

ziggies · 21/04/2024 21:46

Let's get this out of the way – yes she sounds a bit crazy.

However, you might not have noticed if she didn't tick the box – you'd be surprised at the number of such cases (and sheer amount of fines for businesses!) yearly. As someone in GDPR, best practice is providing 2 boxes (I agree / I disagree) but very few businesses do that for obvious reasons (to encourage agreement).

A cross in any single box might also be taken by some as agreement, like in a ballot, hence the clarification.

Storing identifying physical descriptors next to a customer's name without consent is also against GDPR. A little note about a pink shirt to yourself would be within the boundaries of common sense IMO, but there have been similar cases (eg favourite outfit, distinctive hairstyle) – if she really dragged you to court it'd be a headache for you.

I think you handled this professionally and well in public, especially if you used the reason @TiptoeTess gave which was brilliant and didn't disclose the GDPR thing! But criticising her for filling out a form a certain way is not on – the form is there because it's her legal right!

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What does storing mean in this context though?

If the OP were to take this list and cross out or make the girls name and mothers signature illegible after the pictures were taken then would she be considered to have 'stored' identifying data?

Also surely as that little girl didn't appear in pictures the information that she did readily give, the childs name and the mothers name (presuming the signature was easy to read) is far more identifying than 'pink tshirt' anyway.

CJ0374 · 21/04/2024 23:27

OP- I've read all your posts but only a few from others. I too wouldn't want my pics on social media, but in future, I'd have some way of making your own comments private- so parents/kids can't read them. I assume you are using a note pad or similar for them to sign? As a minimum, fold over the edge of the note page to obscure your own comments. Not only so the child's parent can't read them, but other parents can't also. Preferably though, have notes separate and only visible to you.

I was at a work team building day and we each had to sign next to our name to consent to various activities. I could clearly read that a colleague was pregnant so not doing a certain activity. I said nothing, but I should not have been able to read that info at all!

Ilovelifeverymuch · 21/04/2024 23:14

BrickTraybake · 21/04/2024 20:44

First of all I can't delete it because it was under her comment and she's deleted her comment and secondly, I purposely haven't said which wording I used on here, people were nice enough to give me several options so maybe I picked the one that didn't reveal she asked me not to take pictures.
Not let's have no more negativity please ladies because I am feeling really positive now thanks to this lovely supportive thread

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Please ignore @MHN101 what utter rubbish.

@BrickTraybake welldone for standing up for yourself and handling it maturely, she was being a PITA and she knows it hence why she deleted her post when the comments didn't go her way.

VanGoghsDog · 21/04/2024 23:11

MHN101 · 21/04/2024 20:35

OP. I think that was a really bad move. The woman was already defensive about having photos taken, then about her kids clothing being written down. Now you have broken GDPR by revealing to everyone on that woman’s Facebook page that she requested no photos or social media.

You’re on really dodgy ground with that one. Personally I’d be removing your post ASAP and just letting it go. It’s not that big a deal and certainly not worth the aggro that she could cause you if she decided to.

Tell me you don't know what GDPR is without telling me you don't know what GDPR is.....

Illegally18 · 21/04/2024 23:07

FuzzyWuzzyWuzABear · 21/04/2024 13:37

Yeah, just a brief explanation and then forget about it.

You're working with the public now and the public can be weird 🤷‍♂️

I'm also a face painter, and yes, the public can be weird! Not all, thank goodness. . Just reply simply and clearly why you did it, then let it go

Fernhurst · 21/04/2024 22:57

If someone publicly made you out to have done something dodgy, as this woman did, you'd be silly not to give an explanation. You did the right thing.

WickedWitchOfTheEast87 · 21/04/2024 22:48

Grimchmas · 21/04/2024 22:23

I'm going back on what I said previously on this thread (not that I'm sure anybody is following me specifically, and they certainly shouldn't bother!) but the mother didn't out herself as having crossed a box saying she does not consent to her daughter being photographed. The OP may or may not have outed the woman's preferences in her reply (however probably not, OP had several people warn her not to make direct reference to the women's choices and was given several good possible replies that didn't). So OP posting why she makes a note of clothing wouldn't in and of itself be her posting revealing personal data about the woman, but in combination with the woman's own post it might.

Best practice going forward would be to avoid recording any additional data about those who don't wish to be photographed.

(Edited for in/of typo)

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Actually outing a preference for a parent not wanting their child photographed isn't a GDPR breach. When I worked with kids and we held events if parents didn't consent and other parents were taking photos of say their DC and friends for example we said no because they don't have parental consent. That is safeguarding privacy and following a parent's wishes. The mother revealed what the OP wrote and said it was weird the OP clarified why she did so as even a description you must be careful i.e. no assuming ethnicity in case you're wrong or the person is upset by the description of them. So a description of clothes is appropriate.

girlswillbegirls · 21/04/2024 22:43

LeaveTheClocksAlone · 21/04/2024 21:23

*Here's something I wish Id known at 21.

You know that feeling you get that you're still a kid, that everyone else is so grown up and has everything figured out while you're still trying to figure out adult life and friendships etc.

It never goes away. Everyone has it, the 31 year olds, the 41 year olds. Hell, my Dad says he still gets it and he's mid 60s

You still cringe when we say something stupid, we still worry when we upset someone. We still think "I did not understand what the fuck just happened there" on a regular basis.

The only thing that happens is that we get better at hiding it, and the embarrassments build up until can can't remember the individual ones, and you start giving less and less of a shit.

Don't feel like the "grown ups" know better than you. Because there aren't any grown ups, just people cocking up all day every day. The 30 and 40 year olds don't know any better than you do.*

As a woman who is about to turn 40 this is one of the most reassuring things I've ever read - and totally accurate. I'm still as awkward and scared shitless as I was when I was 21.

Thanks for this, totally true.
From someone in her mid 40s!

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/04/2024 22:29

patchworkpal · 21/04/2024 20:09

I'd ask mumsnet if they wouldn't mind deleting this if all the details are accurate she will recognise herself

You could say the same for most of the threads people post 😂

If woman does see it she will know she was being a dick as deleted her comment

UPALLNIGHTMNETTING · 21/04/2024 22:27

BrickTraybake · 21/04/2024 16:19

She had pictures of her kid on her Facebook too. Her profile pic was her whole family.
Which is fine because I get it, its about consent and she gets to choose which images she wants out there. It's her kid. But was the big black felt tip cross and capital letters necessary? Just don't tick the box, love. She went out of her way to make this point and then made a bigger one in public.

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Some people just love attention and playing a "victim" for no reason. There won't be any further logic to it than that.

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