Page 2 | To do this at a child's party where I was the facepainter

BrickTraybake · 2024-04-21T12:30:37+00:00

I am trying to establish a small business as a facepainter just to earn a little extra money. Yesterday I did a childs birthday party for one of the mums at my DSS's school. I did it at a discount price for her as she said she would recommend me to all the other mums and she is the PTA and said she can get me a slot at school fairs. I have a system where I get the children interested in having their facepainted to write down their name on the list and then I call them when it's their turn so there's not loads of bored kids queueing. The parents sign next to the child's name to say they consent to me painting their face and then they tick a box if they consent to me using images for promotion. It's worked well so far. So yesterday one mum puts a massive X in the photo consent box and writes next to it NO PHOTOS NO SOCIAL MEDIA!! fair enough. When it came to that child's turn, I wrote next to her name "pink Tshirt" just to remind me of who she was in case I accidently got her in the background of a pic. Mum paid up, everyone happy. Then later on Facebook I saw her post thanking everyone for coming to the party and the mum of pink t-shirt girl wrote underneath "thanks for inviting us! Shame facepainter wrote down details of what my child was wearing?? Bit odd 😂" and the mum shock-reacted it. I'm so upset. I was so looking forward to hopefully getting more party bookings and a place at the school fairs. This was only my third party and now I'm worried this mum will gossip that I'm a wierdo and I won't get any more. Was I in the wrong? Should I reply??

Solocup · 22/04/2024 19:47

Definitely reply. She’s made it sound weird. In replying you show you are professional and adhering to her request. When she sees why she might be pleased. ‘It was just so I could remember which chicks she was to ensure that I didn’t get her in any photos as per your request’ sort of thing. Make sure you’re happy and friendly.

PS you did nothing wrong

dcthatsme · 22/04/2024 19:27

Well done! It's really great you politely explained why you had done it. The children and other parents clearly loved the facepainting. Good luck with the venture 😍

Noyesnoyes · 22/04/2024 19:26

Great outcome OP!

YeahComeOnThen · 22/04/2024 19:13

InTheShallowTheShalalalalalalalow · 21/04/2024 13:56

If you're going to do facepainting you really do need to toughen up a bit.

Kids and parents can be brutal.

I did it for a number of years and even things like closing off a queue can cause a kick off. There's always a crying kid or a parent who doesn't mind literally begging you when you're all packed up, or people who ask you to stay extra because they haven't booked enough time, or a million people running a million charity events who expect you for free.

Be polite and factual back on this occassion , but find a way to take pictures without anyone in the background at all, because there will be kids who aren't getting their faces painted who could be in the background as well.

@BrickTraybake

Well done you for braving up to doing it!!

I apologise for my first post telling you you'll have to toughen up, you will but I could have been gentler about it.

im a pretty hardened nut, so online I often forget how fragile some people are. I do try to remember 🌷but will try harder!

the post above is brilliant @InTheShallowTheShalalalalalalalow & maybe you can really think about your responses to each of those events, so you can be prepared.

best wishes for many successful events!!

id love to do it, but I'm too slow!!

Sennelier1 · 22/04/2024 19:13

Mostly when children who'se pictures are not to be put on social media, they put a flower or smiley where the face is. So "pink Tshirt" is perfectly acceptable to me 🤷🏼‍♀️

OldPerson · 22/04/2024 19:05

Absolutely reply. "T-shirt description written down to meet mum's request that her child does not appear in any social media photos."

Julimia · 22/04/2024 18:37

Simply explain why you did it (obvious really) and ask if the ( gobby) mum has a better suggestion.
What you did only matches what she did.

FeetLikeFlippers · 22/04/2024 18:36

FeetLikeFlippers · 22/04/2024 18:31

She sounds like a passive-aggressive bully and an attention-seeker. I’m a bit sensitive about people misunderstanding my intentions, so I understand how you feel, but please don’t give her the satisfaction of letting her intimidate you. Only unhappy and insecure people behave like her so this all says more about her than you. If you reply/explain in a polite and professional manner, like other people are suggesting, then she’ll probably (hopefully!) feel quite stupid. Just be sure not to word in a way that she could interpret as a criticism of her, as she sounds like the kind of person who’d then switch it on you and play the victim!

Just read your update OP - so glad it all worked out and you’re feeling supported by the other Mums x

vincettenoir · 22/04/2024 18:33

I don’t think the news will travel. I doubt you will lose out on anything because of this non issue. Don’t let it put you off.

NewPinkJacket · 22/04/2024 18:33

I don't think any of the newcomers to the thread are bothering to read the OP's updates.

FeetLikeFlippers · 22/04/2024 18:31

She sounds like a passive-aggressive bully and an attention-seeker. I’m a bit sensitive about people misunderstanding my intentions, so I understand how you feel, but please don’t give her the satisfaction of letting her intimidate you. Only unhappy and insecure people behave like her so this all says more about her than you. If you reply/explain in a polite and professional manner, like other people are suggesting, then she’ll probably (hopefully!) feel quite stupid. Just be sure not to word in a way that she could interpret as a criticism of her, as she sounds like the kind of person who’d then switch it on you and play the victim!

Fontofallknowledge23 · 22/04/2024 18:29

You must definitely type why you did this and explain it. Not nice for you.

Sapphireblueeyes · 22/04/2024 18:25

Bluebellsinthesun · 21/04/2024 13:32

Just reply ‘it was for my own record to identify your dd so I could adhere to your request for no photos / SM’

This^

Notaregularmummy · 22/04/2024 18:22

Bluebellsinthesun · 21/04/2024 13:32

Just reply ‘it was for my own record to identify your dd so I could adhere to your request for no photos / SM’

100% this ⬆️

kkloo · 22/04/2024 18:15

ziggies · 22/04/2024 12:18

That's literally what obiter dicta means, my dear – it's not some clever loophole you've caught me in, it's the literal meaning that little first year law students learn on their first day of school. 😅

By definition, they're not binding on the current case because they're not about the current case. However, the fact that a judge goes to the effort to incorporate those comments says a lot. They are taken into a great deal of consideration when looking for precedent (both by us and judges) though.

Many an obiter dictum from a previous (non-precedent) case has been taken into consideration to form the ratio decidendi for a new case, thus setting a new precedent.

No offense, but a judge's comments certainly hold more legal weight than Mumsnet opinions.

Edited

Show quote history

If the OP didn't keep this information then would she be considered to have 'stored' it? If she had made the girls name, mothers signature and the 'pink tshirt' note illegible as soon as she'd taken the pictures then is she considered to have stored it?

franbrad · 22/04/2024 17:56

Surely just respond explaining the reasoning behind it. You won't cope if you don't get a tougher outer skin. The public can be so awful to deal with.

Sugarcoatedalmonds · 22/04/2024 12:57

Aw man @MHN101 , lesson learnt eh? Just goes to show the importance of understanding what you are talking about before giving advice I guess 😅onwards and upwards!

So pleased its all worked out for you @BrickTraybake ! Well done you for holding your ground ♥️

Applescruffle · 22/04/2024 12:19

Struggle1 · 22/04/2024 11:57

@LeaveTheClocksAlone thank you for that. I still feel the same that I have no idea about anything and don’t feel like a “grown up” can I ask how the teenagers/young adults in their 20’s seem like they know everything. I do not believe they are faking it as my nieces in their late teens early 20’s look and feel so confident, they actually give me advice on life! I do not believe they are faking it as I’ve known them since they were born they genuinely believe in themselves. How is this possible?

Good stable loving upbringing. Thats the key. Everyone is a product of their upbringing

ziggies · 22/04/2024 12:18

VanGoghsDog · 22/04/2024 09:54

Then you'll know that obiter dicta comments by judges are not binding.

People are just confused between GDPR, safeguarding and normal confidentiality. Which doesn't really surprise me, because all this is so drummed into people that the differences get lost.

Show quote history

That's literally what obiter dicta means, my dear – it's not some clever loophole you've caught me in, it's the literal meaning that little first year law students learn on their first day of school. 😅

By definition, they're not binding on the current case because they're not about the current case. However, the fact that a judge goes to the effort to incorporate those comments says a lot. They are taken into a great deal of consideration when looking for precedent (both by us and judges) though.

Many an obiter dictum from a previous (non-precedent) case has been taken into consideration to form the ratio decidendi for a new case, thus setting a new precedent.

No offense, but a judge's comments certainly hold more legal weight than Mumsnet opinions.

Struggle1 · 22/04/2024 11:57

@LeaveTheClocksAlone thank you for that. I still feel the same that I have no idea about anything and don’t feel like a “grown up” can I ask how the teenagers/young adults in their 20’s seem like they know everything. I do not believe they are faking it as my nieces in their late teens early 20’s look and feel so confident, they actually give me advice on life! I do not believe they are faking it as I’ve known them since they were born they genuinely believe in themselves. How is this possible?

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 22/04/2024 10:55

LeaveTheClocksAlone · 21/04/2024 21:23

*Here's something I wish Id known at 21.

You know that feeling you get that you're still a kid, that everyone else is so grown up and has everything figured out while you're still trying to figure out adult life and friendships etc.

It never goes away. Everyone has it, the 31 year olds, the 41 year olds. Hell, my Dad says he still gets it and he's mid 60s

You still cringe when we say something stupid, we still worry when we upset someone. We still think "I did not understand what the fuck just happened there" on a regular basis.

The only thing that happens is that we get better at hiding it, and the embarrassments build up until can can't remember the individual ones, and you start giving less and less of a shit.

Don't feel like the "grown ups" know better than you. Because there aren't any grown ups, just people cocking up all day every day. The 30 and 40 year olds don't know any better than you do.*

As a woman who is about to turn 40 this is one of the most reassuring things I've ever read - and totally accurate. I'm still as awkward and scared shitless as I was when I was 21.

This is true. 3 kids, in my 40s, divorced and I still feel like Im faking adulthood. I wish sometimes a more grown up grown up would come along and deal with things for me cause it bloody hard.

VanGoghsDog · 22/04/2024 09:54

ziggies · 21/04/2024 22:09

@PaulAnkaTheDoggo@NeverHadHaveHas@Ohlookwhoitis Couldn't just scroll past – GDPR is my legal bread and butter. Personal data must be given as wide an interpretation as possible, and a previous HC judge has noted obiter dicta that this could include data preferences itself.

Ofc the role of consent is widely overstated compared to eg legitimate interest, but just so you're aware.

Edited

Then you'll know that obiter dicta comments by judges are not binding.

People are just confused between GDPR, safeguarding and normal confidentiality. Which doesn't really surprise me, because all this is so drummed into people that the differences get lost.

crockofshite · 22/04/2024 09:30

good luck with your face painting venture, it sounds lovely and by far the majority of parents and kids will be thrilled with what you do.

BTW, just fyi, re cropping out people in photos, I use the Google Pixel 7 (other phones are available) which has an edit function that does just that, crops out people in the background. Lovely for holiday snaps as well when you just want your own family with a nice background and you can crop out random people wandering into your shot. I only mention it because it's a very useful function for the issue you raised here.

Squish12 · 22/04/2024 09:16

MHN101 · 21/04/2024 20:35

OP. I think that was a really bad move. The woman was already defensive about having photos taken, then about her kids clothing being written down. Now you have broken GDPR by revealing to everyone on that woman’s Facebook page that she requested no photos or social media.

You’re on really dodgy ground with that one. Personally I’d be removing your post ASAP and just letting it go. It’s not that big a deal and certainly not worth the aggro that she could cause you if she decided to.

Lol 😂 mumsnet is hilarious

Lagoony · 22/04/2024 08:47

Some people are just so relentlessly fucking thpecial.