To be worried he'll be bitten again

Three, while small, seems quite old for a child to be a prolific biter. Normally it’s a phase that has passed by that age. Does that child have additional needs too?

just to give a slightly different perspective.
Mt friend's son is autistic and at 3 was non verbal and started talking at 4. He started at mainstream school with a full time 1:1.
He was a biter. There were several incidents in the playground where he bit, usually because he wanted to play with a toy/bike etc and someone else had it.

My friend went into school and basically said - where is the 1:1 at playtime? All the other kids are becoming scared of my ds because he is biting, but that is only happening because he doesn't have a 1:1. This is not fair on him, and it isn't fair on the other kids who are getting bitten.

School started supervising him more closely, so the biting other kids stopped and gradually he learnt about taking turns and sharing toys etc.

I think a formal complaint is in order. They have basically responded to say that they can't do anything and you just need to "understand". Which I think we all agree is not on !

A formal complaint is needed here. What they are saying boils down to that their safeguarding policies only apply as long as they don't affect their ability to retain staff.
That's really appalling. They need an honest conversation with the child's mother about the fact that a group setting does not seem to be the right place for her child. If she leaves, because her child can only be cared for at home and she is the only person who can do it, then that's a shame for her and for the nursery but these are the decisions that parents have to make all the time.

If I were in your shoes I would be complaining to Ofsted. Just because her mum works there does not mean the child should be given carte blanche to behave inappropriately. She should be treated as any other child, and if they would have been excluded then so should she.

OP, particularly if he is non verbal and potentially autistic, I wouldn't keep him away. He may well struggle to move into school as it is so getting too used to being at home could set him back. I would take this opportunity to be able to set up ways for you to know if he has been hurt. How does he/ can he communicate this? The ratios at school will be massively different and whilst 4-5 year olds won't bite, they can still potentially hurt each other physically. You need to learn how to spot this, or for DS to be able to communicate it even if non verbally (pointing, crying etc).

I’d complain they are failing your son by allowing him to be repeatedly bitten. They are also failing the child if the same one who’s biting.

I remember my dd coming home crying after being bitten yet again the same child. Hated that child my child isn’t a chew toy for some … child. Sorry get angry even thinking about how shit nursery where and just how much it upset dd.

All biters should be put together in one nursery and may the ultimate win 😂

They probably would be upset but they wouldn't all be removing them from nursery though.

I don’t understand why the nursery aren’t excluding her? My son bit another child once (won’t go into it but it wasn’t totally his fault, he was reacting to something scary) and we were told if it started to become a ‘thing’ he’d be excluded.

These things do happen, but nursery has an obligation to protect your son.
I would be putting something in writing asking them what steps they are taking to make sure he isn't hurt while in their care. You can't complain about the child but you can complain about the nursery's failure.
Frankly, if a child is biting and they can't prevent it in some way they need to evaluate whether they are the right setting for the biter.

Sorry to hear this OP. I'm pretty dumbfounded that this has happened twice after you raised in and I do not think you are over reacting at all.

It's not normal or acceptable for kids to bite. Yes some children do it and they should be watched and monitored as a result. It's not your son's fault and it doesn't seem like nursery are telling you that he was antagonistic or aggravating the situation. So this is not on and I would be asking them for a formal response on how they will be keeping your DS safe and injury free.

I’m sorry your son has been hurt but honestly, if your child does have this level of special needs he will be around children who bite (although probably, usually themselves as they get older) for the rest of his life & it and other behaviours are something that is a risk that will need a sensible approach from those working with these kids.

From a child’s perspective biting is no different to pushing or anything else, they don’t know it is much worse, so the question for those wanting to stop it is why she bites. My son used to pinch adults, probably partly for sensory reasons but largely because they sometimes caused some very interesting reactions. Luckily he was in a setting who had no problem with a po-faced response but my mother in law was like a cause and effect toy [pinch-squeek-pinch-yelp-pinch-scream-pinch-slam door; cue ds killing himself laughing] and we’d always have to apologise profusely to school after every visit because they’d have a few days of increased pinching while he tested out TA/teacher responses to check whether anyone else in his life had become as hilarious as MIL.

Nursery need a plan around the girl and her biting. Even with 1:1 it can be difficult to stop, particularly because children can’t moderate their responses (thank god ds never pinched other children - he was too wary of them). Hopefully it was a one off and your son just happened to be there. But yes raise it with nursery. If it happens again I think say you are concerned about targeting and ask how they are protecting the interactions between the two. He must not keep being bitten, but that hasn’t happened yet and with a decent plan in place shouldn’t.

I'd worry about the nursery tbh, if they don't have enough staff for the kids? Is that legal??!

@RamblingAroundTheInternet of course any parent would be upset.

i assume you went off sick at work though to stick to your children like glue as the op is suggesting?

Yes. My comment was the ridiculous one, not the should I give up my job because my child was bitten comment. 🙄

Quite OP. Ridiculous comment from @andfinallyhereweare. Any parent would be upset about their child being in screaming pain from an attack by a child who is a known biter. I had the same with DS3 when he was bitten at about age 3 badly on his back by a child well known for biting. He had a horrible bruise with bite marks for weeks.

I have also had two older DC, one had a short phase as a hair puller and another who bit only once. I was on them like glue around other DC until it passed. Other parents would have rightfully been angry if I’d left them to be able to carry on doing it while they were in my care and I was aware!

It didn’t happen in nursery time of course, but they need to be aware and request in writing that this child is carefully monitored around your DS to prevent further incidents. Poor chap x

Theres nothing wrong with being protective over our children, if other parents were as on it about their child's behaviour these instances would be minimum. I dont think its best to keep child home because thats, in essence, punishing the child who has been hurt, let nursery know and to watch that child who is biting also show injury and take picture now so you have record OP.

You think it’s ok to pretend to be sick and remove your child from nursery all because of something that happens at every nursey? What are you going to do when he goes to school and gets a football kicked at him? Go to school and burst all the balls? Quit your job forever to stand outside the school gates? Come on op. Not healthy. Have you sought counselling?

Your child shouldnt be punished for another child biting him, its a punishment for him if hes segregated (kept away). Take pic on your phone of bruise... tell nursery about the incident, and that you are leaving your child in their care and to keep eye out for other child.

Explain the bruise to nursery and tell them it's this girl who did it. They can then keep an eye on her carefully.
They have a duty of care towards your DS and you've now warned them about this situation/girl so I'd expect them to be all over it