I don't really understand getting married

Then you are very, very naive and need to educate yourself fast. It may well be that marriage isn’t for you, but deciding that without understanding what it means, is bonkers.

Usually on MN, 'I don't get X' is code for 'I don't like the idea of X and I assume anyone who does is stupid/old-fashioned/common etc'.

Aside from the very obvious legal reasons for marriage (which may benefit many women but not all), surely you are aware that rituals and ceremonies marking major events, stages or decisions in life, or changes of status, have been enjoyed and valued by people throughout human history? It's fine not to value those things, but it would be very odd not to understand the concept.

Then don't.

On a legal level it made sense for us. DH is the high earner and he owns the house we live in. We’ll both be level in time but I’m doing professional qualifications at the moment and we wanted a baby. Though I can’t say that was my thought process when I said yes to marrying him.

Quite simply, we love each other and wanted to be husband and wife. We both come from families where our parents have loving and successful marriages of over 30 years and as a result both see that as an important part of showing our commitment to each other and being a family unit. I took his name because it was important to me to have a shared family name when we had children.

At the end of the day it’s a personal choice. We have friends who have beautiful relationships but have never got married because they don’t see it as important. I don’t see them as any lesser. If you don’t see the point in it then don’t do it but don’t be judgemental about other people’s choices that aren’t harming anyone.

You sound quite naive if you don't mind me saying. Marriage goes a hell of a lot deeper than a party, presents and the papers you sign. I had a small, family and friends only intimate wedding in a registry office because we didn't want to spend money on a lavish Church wedding. The money we saved then went on a deposit for a house. We are still madly in love 9 years on and have about a fifth of the mortgage left to pay. Unfortunately no DC yet, but we are still trying as ever.

Well I loved the party and I've loved being married for 36 years.

Definitely didn't do it for the presents, although we are still using the brown and cream 1988 Kenwood Chef my Uncle Roy and Auntie Barbara gave us.

We got married for the legal protection it gives us both.

That's a good point.

You can't. Some of them relate to the way the state treats you.

But that only strengthens your point. If you want these things, marriage or CP are the only mechanisms to get them.

Won’t take you long to find a thread from someone who didn’t marry, then split, for whatever reason, and find themselves completely stuffed.

And many of the other legal and financial arrangements, such as wills and insurance nominations, can be rescinded by one party without the consent or even the knowledge of the other party.

Obvs OP is on the wind up but adding to the it’s a legal contract

you can of course replicate the protection of marriage with multiple other legal contracts - wills, trusts etc but really what’s the point? They’re all still legal contracts, you’ve just got multiple ones rather than a single one

To be honest it's because for most people in British culture, nothing changes.

For me, everything changed. I was able to live with my husband, have sex etc. none of this I was able to do before we were married. I'm also religious so the sacrament of marriage is important to me.

Are you a bit dense?

you are confusing wedding with marriage.

You are aware that a marriage comes with certain legal protections (as well as obligations) and that there are for many very good reasons to have that in place?

Do you have children?

We don’t have rings either. I’ve never worn a piece of jewellery anyway, it makes me feel uncomfortable and I find men wearing any, even a ring, gross 😂

1. Deeply in love
2. To show our commitment to one another
3. Knew we wanted to be together forever
4. Wanted to all have the same surname incl future kids
5. Being sensible about the future and having everything in order legally
6. Amongst a few of the reasons

We married because DH was terminally ill, it meant I was more listened to as his wife than I was as his girlfriend. It also simplified things for me once he'd died.

I got married as it’s a legal contract. it makes everything easier in the event of one of our deaths. Protects me in the event of divorce.

Dh wanted to get married for tradition, commitment etc. I don’t need that. But I do need the legal benefits.

A lot of people have found to their cost the point of the marriage ceremony in the current legal framework.

OP clearly on the wind up.

Marriage is an unfair contract which discriminates against those who own assets while protecting the interests of those who own none.

OP are you going to engage with those pointing out it’s a legal contract? Do you understand the rights and responsibilities marriage contracts involve?

if you do, can you not see that they would be important/useful for some people?

I wanted DH to be my husband and wanted to be his wife. To be legally committed to him.

The main thing is to make sure whatever you do, it's an informed decision.