I don't really understand getting married

It's nothing to do with the party op. It's everything to do with the legally binding piece of paper you both sign. The rest is just noise.

So @Springisnear4 - are you going to explain your position/reasons for starting the thread?

One of my friends lived with her boyfriend for a good twenty years and when he died unexpectedly his father whisked the body away and cremated him before my friend knew what happened. The hospital wouldn't/couldn't tell her where the body was and before she knew what was happened it was over. Then the dad put one of those announcements in the local newspaper and she wasn't even in that.

Either marriage or a civil partnership are important for financial and legal security especially if you jointly own a house and /or have children.

I spoke to the partner of a youngish man with terminal cancer recently. She mentioned how he won't discuss anything, he's very angry and she's having difficulty managing youngchildren and worrying about the future and that MiL might be difficult. I told her about a friend whose partner died very suddenly, they jointly owned the house, no children, no will. Her relatives demanded their financial share of the house meaning he had to double his mortgage to pay them, take in lodgers and an extra job. But what really hurt him was that he was very religious however he was allowed no input into the funeral or choice of words on the gravestone. I spelled it out to her. She needs to think of her young child and security for the future. Obviously it was a longer discussion and sensitive issues were raised, I can't go into it all. But she was very grateful for having some hard facts pointed out, that she clearly had been thinking about but was unable to articulate.

When you see newspaper stories of deathbed marriages they really aren't about romance.

If I'm having your children I want half your pension if you decide to fuck off one day.

@IncompleteSenten I take my hat off to you!

@Trulyme - often the party side goes back to two families now being joined and so a celebration opportunity for everyone to meet. That has sort of died off now that couples get married older and are more likely to be paying for their own wedding, it’s less about a “family/community event” more just a party with their friends and some family. (But I guess that feeds into a wider discussion about family ties being less important than they were a couple of generations back, and I suppose families being smaller.)

Do you understand now what marriage is?

after reading all your recent threads, I think, with absolutely no medical training at all so feel free to ignore completely, the GP is treating your symptoms rather than the cause.

The wedding is basically a party yes, but marriage is a legal contract. Should the worst happen laws and rights are clearer if you are both married opposed to just co-habitting.

I have a nasty feeling you are right.

Spend 5 mins on mumsnet and you'll unfortunately see very quickly the benefits of marriage that so many people don't realise until too late. Too many unmarried woman are left financially vulnerable after having children.

For me it does depend any couple who are thinking good starting a family together, buying a house etc the legal protection marriage gives for both of them is paramount. It is exactly why I got married.

for blended families - no protect your assets and keep things separate that you want and together that you want.

my SIL got married to a man with his own flat and daughter and neither of them have wills, she will often say it’s his fkat and she has no right to it but they are 12 years married. She is about to get a fairly hefty inheritance from my FIL and it baffles me they haven’t thought how to protect their assets. If they were both in a car crash and he died first all their joint assets would come to us rather than his daughter (which I would make sure didn’t happen) which is just ridiculous

Also I hadn’t realised the inheritance tax one either, if you are married and joint tenants on the death of the second both inheritance tax allowances kick in so we don’t need to pay inheritance tax - that one is huge for anyone unmarried with children and a house over 500k

Usually.

op, it is a legal ceremony. The point is legal protections. It has nothing to do with a party.

Given how bloody hard gay people had to fight for the right to get married, posts like this really piss me off. If you don't want to get married, don't get married! But don't act like marriage is pointless and unnecessary for everyone.

Legal protections for me.

I wanted children. I was not prepared to have children without the legal contract that gave me a set of rights that would give me some security since I was going to take the career hit.

I am not romantic. No hearts, flowers and happy ever after for me.

If I'm having your children I want half your pension if you decide to fuck off one day.

Not every woman gives up work and makes the compromises and for them, the legal stuff around pension, housing, etc is therefore not a factor. Arguably they're the most sensible out of the lot of us!

If you are going to choose to have a gap in your NI or take a career break then you get yourself covered legally first imo.

Secondary consideration is the next of kin stuff. Who make the decisions should the worst happen?

Which leads to wills. If you aren't married and your partner dies without a will, guess who is not inheriting. Yup. You.

Basically I am not romantic and I don't trust anyone enough to not ensure they sign on the dotted line before I make myself financially vulnerable as part of a becoming a family unit and assigning responsibilities deal.

I will never understand the party side to it (I see it as an intimate/personal thing) and I personally would never want to get married but I do understand that it’s a way of showing total commitment (even though that doesn’t mean much to some people) and for legal or financial reasons, especially if you have kids.

We had a wedding because we wanted to be married. We wanted to formally and legally connect our lives forever. We wanted to declare our commitment in the eyes of God and before all the people we loved. We wanted to celebrate that commitment. So we married in a church with all our families and friends. And then we had a brilliant party.
Our marriage has lasted 27 years now and we have provided a safe secure home for our children to be raised in.

Does that help you understand?

Let me guess... OP is a woman who is living with a long term boyfriend, has a few kids with him, and he won't marry her. So she's trying to convince herself that it's all fine and dandy with her "just a piece of paper" argument.

Oops - I’ve just read that you’re 35!

You really should understand the benefits of getting married for some people by now.

You’re right you clearly don’t understand marriage as it’s not about the party. We eloped just us and our dog.

Theres many legal benefits to marriage such as asset sharing without tax implications, protection if you have children for the parent that perhaps slows their career down to care for the kids, be the next of kin. It’s also a commitment to each other to show love.

This x 10000.

As a retired IFA when I was working I used to point out to non-married couples that a single piece of paper - a marriage certificate - gave the same amount of financial protection to the surviving spouse as a whole briefcase full of lengthy legal documents. Plus it never needed updating.

Marriage was originally a formal contract between families regarding financial arrangements. It dates from antiquity and any religious connection was bolted on long afterwards.

If you don't want to get married, fine. BUT be sure all your paperwork is complete and up to date. I have literally known people made homeless because they thought a so-called"common law marriage" was just as good as a formal one. When their partner died, they found out "it ain't necessarily so".

Marriage = legal protection
Wedding = expensive party

You sound very young and/or naive op.

@Vod

Its a fair cop. Maybe not as binary as that but certainly I think marriage is always a bad idea for a female breadwinner. The questions of inheritance tax etc don’t really come into the equation until near the end of life and I don’t think its worth the risk of having to hand unearned assets over to a man.

Marriage isn’t for you, and that’s fine. But surely you can se the point for other people with different circumstances.