I don't really understand getting married

@Misthios · Today 10:37

Let me guess... OP is a woman who is living with a long term boyfriend, has a few kids with him, and he won't marry her. So she's trying to convince herself that it's all fine and dandy with her "just a piece of paper" argument.

I reckon you've nailed it there!

OP will deny it of course.

Ditto!

Speechless. I am literally speechless. Does anyone - in 2024 - seriously think marriage is only a piece of paper, and a big party?!

I despair for humanity! 😫

Op, I'm wondering if.you actually want the answer. Not being arsey, you might not actually have the experience to know the answer. Or is this more about justifying your own choice or circumstance or sticking the boot in to others with some performative "I don't get it's"?

I'll give you my answer for what it's - I am exceptionally lucky and loved my DH deeply (and still do years later) and wanted "everything" possible to emotionally socially and practically to signify that love and our intention to share our lives. You can spend what you want on a wedding, that bit is secondary.

It is not a party at all.
Marriage is a legal contract.
All former wills are nullified, for example.
Without marriage your long term partner is not necessarily your next of kin.
Marriage gives both partners certain rights.

I’m divorced. I didn’t really understand what I signed myself up for. I happily went along with marriage because my ex said it was important to him. I had assets and ambitions, he didn’t.

I will never get married again and I certainly will be educating my children about what marriage really entails before they go down that route.

Marriage is very beneficial for the financially weaker party. I don’t think it’s romantic at all to get married, it’s a noose around your neck more than anything.

Of course, for women who give up their career to have babies marriage does protect them. Just haven’t go in to it with eyes wide open and I think pre-nups should become the norm.

@40andlovelife I posted on here and asked if anyone was free to be a witness. One was local and the other travelled about an hour to do it. I was very honoured!

What you're describing is a wedding, HTH.

We did it to make a commitment and legal contract and celebrated this with a reception/ party with the people who we love and are important to us.

For DH the religious ceremony was also important.

Im no ones property but my own

Marriage is no longer about being someone's property.

In many cases it offers legal protection for both parties and is particularly important if you have children.

The wedding for many people is a big party but it doesn't have to be and marriage isn't the wedding. Marriage is a legal contract that offers protection that just living together doesn't.
Eg if two people are living together in a house that is in one partner's name and that partner dies the partner left gets nothing unless they are mentioned in the will. Even if they have contributed to the mortgage and household expenses for years. Same with savings and other possessions.

Marriage is a set of legal protections, especially if the woman sacrificed a career in favour of child rearing. I did it for pension and inheritance reasons.

A wedding is entirely optional.

You don’t have to understand it if you don’t want to.

I enjoyed my wedding, it was really romantic. I felt myself and my husband became a family overnight. I’m glad we share the same name now we have children too, it sort of seals our bond. But it’s not for everyone and that’s perfectly ok too 😊

We finally got married after nearly ten years as a couple in order to avoid having the person left have to pay inheritance tax.

Major, major plus. HTH.

What are Mumsnet witnesses??? I'm curious

Ive never been married never want to only have to read MN most days.
Im no ones property but my own what ive worked for is mine and im not gonna lose half of what ive worked hard for if my marriage falls apart.

I got my married so I’m protected legally.

Exactly. Any one of us could be dead tomorrow - IMO it seems eminently sensible to put plans in place to protect our loved ones.

Of course that may not necessarily be via marriage, but it is worth thinking about.

Yes and prior to that it was really only the rich who married off their daughters to form alliances and consolidate power.

Arranged marriages were about securing and maintaining , for example, noble and royal families and wealth.

We don't know when the end of our lives are going to be, though!

By all means make your own risk/benefit analysis, everyone should. But don't imagine for a minute that any of us are guaranteed either an average lifespan or sufficient warning about our impending demise to be able to put preferred arrangements in place.

@Springisnear4 are you ND?

Do you not understand relationships in general? Or legal protections?

As a few people have said already, we got married for the legal side of it. DH's family is not very reliable, so he didn't want them to be next of kin should anything happen to him for example, and I wanted to make sure that I was financially protected if we were to split up and I took a hit on my career for children. We did have a party, but it wasn't big or expensive (we did it as we each had a parent who was terminally ill, so it was a nice thing to celebrate before the inevitable shit of them dying was going to hit).

It was historically a way to avoid deep shame about having sex. Sex and children were only acceptable within a marriage.
Nowadays you have the freedom to do want you want. Marriage isn't always the best decision especially if the woman has more assets and income.

We eloped.
No party, no presents and it cost us less than £100.

We wanted to be married. It was important to us, especially as I was pregnant.

Really?

I had you down as still at school as your question is extremely naive