I don't really understand getting married

Lots of people talking about 'the financially weaker' or 'financially stronger' person in a relationship. But many people don't really have such thing, especially if they get married fairly young when careers have yet to develop.

Certainly we were equal when I got married, then thing snowballed over the years and due to our careers and preferences (and luck) one is in a far better paid job. Health, families etc all come into it too indirectly.

We would have not known at the outset about this, which is why going into it as 'we want things to be fair and shared' is sensible.

You are confusing marriage with a wedding, as too many people do.

Marriage is a legally binding contract agreed between two people, that includes well defined, legal responsibilities for both parties towards each other and any children they may have.

A wedding is the act of agreeing that contract, often conflated to include a wildly expensive party. Sometimes additional responsibilities are also declared as part of a religious ceremony.

dont get married then

£200 is a lot less than it cost to get all the legal benefits of being married, there is a free will month as well for the over 55s because they are so important

that said finding the money can gain so much, the tax benefits, pension of one dies, inheritance tax etc that actually are really worth it for low income earners. If one earns under the tax threshold and one over you can use the tax marriage allowance etc

In your view it's not romantic to get married but for many people it is.

Me and DH got married for romantic reasons not practical or legal reasons.

If a marriage lasts it can be romantic and certainly is not a noose around your neck.

That's great! Did you recruit them one day on here?

I need to know the full story.

You don't understand why people would enjoy celebrating something by having a big party with all their friends and family? Honestly? What is there to understand? It's an exciting and fun thing to do! Expensive of course, but choosing to spend money (assuming you have it) on a big enjoyable occasion with people you like is not that hard to understand, surely?

My late husband and I got married 1) because we wanted to make a public declaration of our commitment to each other; 2) we each had problematic exes (we were both out of our pevious marriages by the time we met) and the legal security of marriage got rid of any potential ambiguities; 3) we wanted to.

We went to the registry office with two friends to act as witnesses and went for a pub lunch afterwards. It was the perfect wedding.

Splurging on a wedding is not compulsory. Not sure how much it costs to get married in a register office but doubt it is very much. No need whatsoever for a big dress, a cake, a party or all the other things that so many feel are necessary.

If you don't want to get married fine but as long as you realise the possible future implications

Marriage is public statement of commitment with significant legal implications.

It does not have to be a show.

I totally get that, but that doesn't mean it's "splurging" to spend £200 on a legal contract that will potentially protect you for life, which is how you phrased it.

He did want to, I did not. Neither of us see the need now.

Why do you assume he doesn't want to marry me?

From a finance perspective, its quite a hugh risk especially if one earns more than the other etc, and then if one side turns out to be unfaithful etc

Exactly @TheWonderhorse The cost is no excuse. Is it you or your partner who doesn't want to get married? I am guessing it's him!

A couple of hundred quid is a lot of money for a lot of people.

I'm not trying to justify my not getting married, I'm just saying that when as a couple we earn the same, and have nothing much between us, then the arguments to marry don't apply.

I know lots of people who are in similar positions too.

It's bizarre isn't it? AND worrying! That some people really think like this!!!

As a pp said, I wonder if the poster is confusing MARRIAGE with WEDDINGS?!

Been with dp 20+ years. We have no assets to speak of except a shit car. We can't afford to splurge on a wedding, even a small one. We have other priorities.

You can get married for a couple of hundred pounds.

Fair enough if it's not a priority, but it's certainly not something you need to "splurge" on.

I think you are confusing weddings and marriage, OP.

With respect, it's a ridiculous argument for not getting married and the protections that can bring, particularly for women. Registry office weddings with minimal guests can be incredibly cheap, especially if conducted on a weekday.

Financial benefits on death - less inheritance tax.

Legal benefits to the lower earner- they can’t just leave you with nothing. Especially comes in lot play with kids.

Other legal rights such as being the next of kin.

other than it being a party and you get presents

I think you're getting confused OP. That's a wedding, not a marriage.

Been with dp 20+ years. We have no assets to speak of except a shit car. We can't afford to splurge on a wedding, even a small one. We have other priorities.

For us and people like us (it's a common situation to be in in our circle) we don't see it as a lack of commitment, just that paying the bills is more important. Although in lower income families everyone works, because they can't afford not to. There tends not to be as big a discrepancy in terms of income between partners either.

It comes up with sufficient regularity on here that there are either people who do or who like pretending they do!

Me neither, after 20 years 😂