I don't really understand getting married

You don't need a big wedding to start a good marriage.

@TheWonderhorse dying intestate is an absolute pain particularly with tenancies and even the most minimal assets will be frozen, things such as NoK if in hospital and what about the business - as I said October is free will month and getting a basic will set up

remember state pension as well goes to a spouse

@mydogisthebest

Me and DH got married for romantic reasons not practical or legal reasons.

Most people who get married assume they are in it for life. Sadly many marriages don’t work out for many reasons.

I assume that you still went in to it with your eyes wide open with regards to finances and legalities. Many people don’t.

As an example, if you were to receive a significant inheritance your DH would be entitled to his share (likely 50%). If he then remarries, your children may lose out because the new wife inherits him.

It is true that marriage can be protective for the weaker party which is usually the female partner in a heterosexual relationship.

Nope here marriage I think it not the right move.

it isn’t about love it is about practicalities and for a couple who have joint children and joint assets (particularly those who met young and built up assets together) it’s benefits far outweigh the risks

for a couple who are older and come in with separate assets if they are planning children I would say yes but with some caveats

in this situation no way

You may not have much now but it's also about protecting the future "you" as well. DH and I started out pretty evenly matched in terms of income, but for various reasons, he now earns double what I do as I've had to drop to part-time for health reasons.

Being married protects me massively. You never know what the future may bring in terms of your health, earning potential and living situation.

My “wedding” only cost the marriage licence fee.

You don’t have to dress up, have guests, have a party.

We had jack shit when we got married, but I was concerned about next of kin, if one of us got ill, decisions around death etc.

usually its smaller amount vs the large amount for the wedding that can make the difference , at least thats one perspective

Right, okay.

I just think the assumption that I must be with a man who won't marry me is rude. I've explained our situation and you've disregarded that to impose your prejudices.

Marriage isn't a good idea for everybody. I'm glad you're happy and would never judge your life choices in this way. But for us, as we are at the moment there is nothing to persuade me that we would gain anything from being married.

THIS! ^ The big party with all the people you love and care about (and who love and care about you,) is the best thing about weddings!

Of course, it's also OK to just have a tiny wedding with a handful guests if it's all you want, or all you can afford.

But yeah, as has been said, saying you can't AFFORD to get married is a poor excuse to not get married. I don't understand why people refuse to get married. The reasons they come up with are very poor, very ignorant, and very worrying. As has been said, it's worth a couple of hundred £££ to secure your future!

I bet these people saying they can't afford to get married think nothing of spending money on an expensive smartphone/a pricey monthly phone contract, clothes they don't really need and hardly wear, a nice car, nights out/meals out, and fancy holidays.

They will deny it of course. 😎

Yep. 100% this. ^ I always roll my eyes and shake my head, when I see women having children with a man who won't put a ring on it. Fuck that shit.

My dd is getting married she and her fiance are adament marriage first, and hopefully babies in a year or two. No security for the future otherwise.
I'm on marriage #4 .one died [6 months], divorced, [7 years] died [2 years] and the last very much alive, longest at 24 years and still very happy - truly my soul mate.

@TheWonderhorse

Because if there is one person in a couple (hetero couple,) who doesn't want to get married; it is USUALLY the man. I have never met an unmarried couple (together for many years,) where it turned out the woman didn't want to get married (and the man did.)

I am sure they exist, I have just never met any/known any/known of any.

Also, there is never 'no need' to get married.

I don't think women should have children without getting married. Kids are hard, women are always left with the burden of childcare etc. at least if you are married he has shown some commitment to you and it's harder for him to leave without ensuring you are somewhat financially secure

After 47 years of marriage, married at 23, we have enjoyed ups, and downs. Everything we have now we have tge satisfaction of having worked together for. We love visiting places we visited together in our early days, heres a tip for younger people, take photos and makes notes if where you stay on holidays, we have forgotten the names of some of the early hotels we stayed at, one in Alcudia we have no idea of, be good to find it. However, back to the point. Marriage gives security to both parties, especially when children are involved. An early poster on this thread mentioned someone who will get half her husbands pension after they separated. The thing I don't understand is why people renew their wedding vows? Unless, of course, they have broken those promises and need to make a new start.

I see spending money we don't have unnecessarily as a splurge and an extravagance.

We don't own anything. We run a business together 50/50 partners and so have the same income to the penny. There's nothing to protect.

If we split up tomorrow then there is nothing to sort out financially except a tenancy agreement.

We don't have wills because there's nothing to leave to anyone, and while he does have a pension from previous employment, it's not much. I probably should look into getting that sorted.

Are you honestly ignorant of the legal implications, or do you just not think they're important OP?

beyond a piece of paper legal contract

@Springisnear4 I was thinking of the same... and I am 44. In my situation, I've been married, we got divorced ages ago and have one child who is now 12. I was the bigger earner but the divorce was amicable and I didn't leave the marriage with less than I started with. I have bought another house (well, it is mortgaged which should be paid off when I am 57). My situation now is: I have a boyfriend who has two kids. He has no property and no savings. I love him but do I enter a marriage contract and pretty much sign my child's inheritance aka my house/savings to him and his two kids? I'm not sure love is enough. Marriage is great and rosy if you're both first timers, but what about those who have been around the block and have a bit more to protect, and both sides are not equal.

@TheWonderhorse i get all of that but the financial gains of a civil partnership/marriage in terms of tax and pension benefits may make it worthwhile in the future. If you are in it until death - what a marriage brings at that point is vital and really can financially help then.

I don’t get huge weddings, had a small simple affair myself but I do believe in the benefits marriage can bring

The point of getting married is like the purpose of life - it's mostly what you make of it together. For me, my marriage has been a place of peace in the storm of life. It's a piece of stability in the worst times and the greatest joy in the best of times. I've been married over 20 years and hands down marrying my husband is the best choice I've ever made. Every great choice I've made since was rooted in my marriage.

Part of it is also the legal contract that provides certain benefits and responsibilities in life and in death - you read some of the legal differences here:
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/  For some people, those don't matter or prefer similar protections for certain areas like wills can help with some of the issues there, though not all the ones related in death and there are cohabitation agreements that can give some protections. I personally feel that if someone isn't willing to put forth the effort for some legal protections for their partner for worst case scenarios - particularly the inevitable death - whether it's through marriage, civil partnership, or relevant legal paperwork, then their commitment isn't strong enough for me to take serious risks like moving in together permanently or having a child.

Finally, women asking the right questions.

you’re right, beyond a piece of paper and a pie in the sky emotion (apparently love) it means nothing. It’s an antiquated process that serves a male a lot more than it serves you.

Splurge generally means to spend money extravagantly.

I don't think spending as little as £200 on a lifetime contract that protects both of you in the event of death and illness is seen as extravagant by the vast majority of people, really.

A 10k wedding to celebrate said contract, absolutely, but not a basic registry office ceremony in jeans and t-shirt followed by a drink down the pub.

Me and DH got married for romantic reasons not practical or legal reasons.

Surely the ideal is a combination of these?

I think the issue here is my use of the word splurge? I suppose we have different ideas about what that means for us.

But presumably you understood and were happy with the legal consequences?