I don't really understand getting married

We didn't do a big party and we didn't get a single card or present.

We got married because we want it legally recognised that we intend to stay together forever. We want to be legal next of kin and have the final say of the worst should happen.

We want the legal status and protections that come with marriage. Personally, I want to keep men from hassling me once and for all. "NO THANKS, I'M VERY HAPPILY MARRIED". Marriage is a firm boundary.

Marriage is safety, home, security and peace. We are for each other first and foremost.

We are a family unit. (We kept our own names, and I'm still Ms, not Mrs.)

Come back when you’ve had kids with a man you’re living with but not married to, sacrificed your career so he can work whilst you raise the kids, thereby screwing up your career and pension. Bonus points if you live in a house owned by him and which you have no rights.

Then tell us what the point of marriage is.

To be honest we didn't have a clue about legal consequences. No one talked about getting married for legal or practical reasons 40 odd years ago or at least no one I knew did.

This is a big part of the problem tbh. People get married because it’s the done thing to do by default and they are not told what the legal and contractual ramifications are.

50 years ago it was just what people did. Partly for religious reasons and partly moral ones. For the vast majority of people those reasons no longer apply but young people aren’t educated properly about the real meaning of marriage.

In fact it needs to be case by case and for every case where it’s a good idea there is one where it’s not.

Bur the miasma of Disney bullshit around it clouds people’s judgment and they can’t think critically about it.

7% and rising. It affects any couple whose house is worth £500k or more. And of course part of the reason that percentage is so low is because spouses don’t pay it at all and the unused allowance is transferable to a surviving spouse.

@Springisnear4

Are you coming back?
I genuinely don't know how you can get to your mid 30s and not know about the legal protections marriage brings.

Or are you talking about the costs of a wedding? It starts at circa £50 for a marriage license, after that it's up to you what you spend.

There are legal protections that can be put into place with one trip to the solicitor, but you won't be able to replicate those of a married or civilly partnered couple that way. For one thing, some of them relate to the way that the state treats the people concerned. There's no solicitor who can make the government treat you the same way as a married couple when you're not.

So what it comes down to is whether you want these or not.

It is perfectly possible to put legal protections in place with one trip to the solicitor. Inheritance tax exemption is still
dependent on marriage, but that only.affects 4% of the population.

So no, no reason for marriage at all. So long as you actually do the solicitor trip.

Really? You thought this added to the discussion how exactly?

You’ll understand once you leave Primary school.

Of course you understand it very strange post.

You don't understand weddings or marriage?
If it is marriage. Do you not understand it ro just not agree with it?

are you still in contact with them?

We got married on the cheap. We did it for the financial benefits but we were also planning on having a child in the future. I'm the one who has taken mat leave and I don't know if I will go back to work after the year is up. That will be a big hole in my pension pot. I trust my DH completely but I wouldn't consider staying off work to raise our child without that safety net.

The legal stuff aside (which I think is the MOST IMPORTANT thing about being married and I do think needs to be drummed into women repeatedly from an early age), I have found being married to be the loveliest thing I’ve ever done. I was with my husband for 8 years before we got married, and we’d lived together for most of that time so I didn’t expect it to feel so different but it really did. I loved making that vow in front of people, and making a legally binding contract that we loved each other and would stand by each other forever. It just felt so serious and romantic. And being married made us feel like a unit in a different way to before. It’s just the nicest feeling I’ve ever had, being my husband’s wife. I’m so proud of my marriage.

If you are in hospital on life saving treatment, the doctors will ask your parents to make decisions. If you're married, they'll ask your spouse.

There's lots of reasons, but that's one of them (which usually isn't covered by other things like making a will)

I can't remember how far in advance I asked @Noyesnoyes but I posted no more than a week beforehand. We went for a fry up afterwards with one of the witnesses (who had brought her two children as it was in the school holidays). The other one had errands to run! Biggest regret is not getting a photo of us all together!

You do feel different once married (at least I did). It’s a sort of ‘wow, this is it, we’re in this together for life, we’ve made this huge commitment in front of everyone we know’ type feeling.
This was how I felt and I’d been with my husband 5 years before we married.

Used to think the same of you. mid 40s and together more than 20 years. then in the space of 5 years we lost my nana.ly father in law also about 10 friends or people we know got very sick with cancer or other illnesses. one friend got married in a hospital with her husband dying 3 days later. when your partner dies or gets sick you are and can be treated like a stranger..your entitled to fuck all. all the hard work you both did building a life together is swept away. you be surprised how family can turn once someone dies. we did get married had a small wedding and I actually really enjoyed it. the feeling that day I had was unreal something never experienced before. yes things can go up shite creek and divorce happens. but I actually think the crap of not being married and someone dies or gets sick is actually far far worse

Nope

but you did start a thread about being very depressed you are single which is probably quite relevant to your view on marriage!

Just our own personal views and beliefs. We both believe marriage is for life (well for eternity actually) and never of us believe in divorce although if we had been unhappy we would have separated but not divorced.

We both believe in only 1 marriage so no way would either of us marry again

I'm divorced now and will never marry again. Through inheritance I'm worth quite a bit of money and no way will I be agreeing to hand half of it over if my husband has an affair and leaves.

I'm taking every opportunity I get to explain this to my DC too.

Marriage might be romantic and lovely. It's also a legal contract telling you to give half your worldly possessions to someone else, no matter how they treat you. No pre-nup is watertight.

No thanks.

I'd have a lovely celebration day with friends but nothing would make me sign a marriage certificate again.

This isn't intended to be snarky, but did you both therefore marry the first person you loved?

@mydogisthebest if you don’t mind me asking what sounds quite an insensitive question, why does it matter if one of you remarries on death if have no children so inheritance doesn’t need to be protected I the same way?

No, we didn't go into with regard to finances and legalities. I guess we maybe should have but it never entered our heads.

We were convinced we would be together for life and 44 years on we are still together, still very happy and still very much in love.

We don't have children so no worries there although I know if I die DH will not remarry and neither will I if he dies. One marriage is what we both believe in.