I don't really understand getting married

If my parents hadn’t been married their estates would both have been liable for IHT in the same year on the same money. Once on the first death, then again on the second. As it was there was none payable at all.

@Wingingit11 How have I misunderstood it?

She's saying you have to spend a lot of money for the legal protections of marriage (i.e. an expensive wedding) - I'm saying it doesn't have to be.

IHT applies on anything over £325k per person.
15% of UK homes are worth over £500k. In London the average home costs £685k. Once savings, pensions and other assets are taken into account, that suggests a minimum of 10-20% of estates would be subject to IHT if not for marriage and civil partnership. If the unmarried partner doesn't have enough cash savings, they would have to sell their main home to pay tax, even with children residing there.
Personally, i wouldn't like the idea of DH and DS to be out househunting within months of my death because they were forced to downsize.

As already pointed out, it's the only way to get all of those things.

It is not possible to replicate the tax position of married or civilly partnered couples without being in one of those institutions. Automatic PR is not the same thing as PR that requires you to go through a process first either.

The issue isn't whether you can get those things without marriage/CP. You can't. It's whether the couple concerned actually want them. Not everyone considers the things you cannot get outside the institution to be beneficial. Sometimes they might be even a disadvantage.

And yes, @Blossomtoes is right to point out that more estates would pay IHT if not for marriage. It doesn't address the point about IHT advantages to say the percentage paying it is low, when one of the reasons for that is people who've been able to benefit from an efficient, marriage/CP exclusive way to avoid it!

Inheritance tax affects only a tiny minority of people

Because marriage means a hefty majority of people circumvent it. It’s why people like Ken Dodd get married on their death beds.

"Even if you don't get married for religious/moral/showcasing your love to the world reasons, there can be legal benefits to it: it's the simplest way of becoming a financial unit (if you want to share assets), there's tax benefits (inheritance tax exemptions and marriage allowance), and you can automatically confer parental rights."

It's one way to do all those things. Inheritance tax affects only a tiny minority of people, despite Tory scaremongering, and naming on the birth certificate automatically confers parental rights.

@Pipsquiggle - think you’ve misunderstood that OP is saying

Even if you don't get married for religious/moral/showcasing your love to the world reasons, there can be legal benefits to it: it's the simplest way of becoming a financial unit (if you want to share assets), there's tax benefits (inheritance tax exemptions and marriage allowance), and you can automatically confer parental rights.

DH and I spent some time living abroad, it was much easier to do that married than unmarried. On a similar note, if you're travelling, certain countries won't allow you to share a room in a hotel unless you're married.

I thought that marriage was just a piece of paper when I originally said yes, but 7 years on its meaning has changed for me - I get comfort from the legal protections it offers (even though I'm the higher earner) and I do think declaring vows in front of our family and friends made me more inclined to work at the relationship and grow it stronger

For me, it was because I’d dated before, had relationships, etc…so it sort of felt like it was signifying that this was THE relationship. For my husband it was probably a religious thing. Either way, it’s worked out okay for 17+ years now.

@user1471523870, I hope both of your estates are valued below the IHT threshold or you or your DP will be paying inheritance tax.
That's one of the reasons we got married after 36 years, plus DH has to very dodgy greedy siblings we don't trust at all.

You've described a wedding. Marriage is what comes after that.

You don’t have to have a party. A civil partnership or civil marriage ceremony takes 15 minutes. You really need to check out the value of your assets, there’s no point in paying two lots of inheritance tax when you could legally not pay any by signing a piece of paper.

@Springisnear4

You do realise that what you choose to spend on your wedding is entirely up to you?
A service at a registry office starts at £46, after that it's entirely up to you (which is a lot cheaper than going to sort out the same legal protections at a solicitor's)

I have your same struggles in understanding it, but I do know I am by far in the minority. My partner and I have been together for 30+ years, have a DS together, share our finances and assets, and life. We never felt the need to get married to show each other commitment....and we feel it's very irrelevant now!
We have all the paperwork in place for the worse case scenario, to protect each other and our son. We both work and would be financially stable even individually.
We also both really really dislike the idea of a party and we are atheist. I give zero importance to surnames etc.
I think we are way too pragmatic!

Only in some Anglican churches - many use the 2020 version of the marriage ceremony.

And of course ceremonies conducted by civil registrars use a different wording entirely.

Not to mention all the other Christian denominations and other religions.

It hasn’t lost its meaning to me, it just never had that meaning to me. I’m an atheist, hence marrying in a non religious ceremony. I had no desire to declare anything before a God I don’t believe in, but I did want to enter into the legal contract that marriage represents.

It is, and I quote, " An honourable estate, instituted by God..." You are making a public declaration before God. Sadly the institution of marriage has clearly lost its meaning to many.

I think you're mixing up marriage and weddings, OP.

We wanted to get married to show a loyal commitment to one another. The words we expressed when we made our vows were not said without weighted meaning. We also wanted to be a firm family unit. For me it wasn't about legal protection, mainly because both of us would be fine in life if we split. That said, I'm pleased that all of my assets would go to him in the case of my death.

We had a wedding because we wanted to celebrate it with people we know and love, and tbh I love organising events. Luckily my DH knows this and gave me free rein

I get you op. Its a bizarre thing to do and a lot of people do it out of tradition and because “everyone else does it”. I did get married, i dont know why as it makes no difference. The marriage tax allowance only applies if you are on low wages. Its basically a legal contract, which i dont think many realise until they get divorced. Honestly, I wouldn’t have bothered if i had my time again…

I was coming on to say exactly this. People need to know their rights and only enter into a marriage if they are fully aware of them.

I am not married by choice, but it was an informed choice.

Why does it bother you that other people choose to marry, OP?

I didn't get it either until I met this guy and 7 years down the line he's just asked me to marry him. There was zero hesitation whatsoever. I want a marriage with him as I'm deeply in love and want to make it 'official'. I think personally it's having met the right person that's changed my mind.

My DH and I got married during covid lockdowns. Just 6 of us plus the 2 registrars. Cost <£500 including giving notice, ceremony, certificates, my dress and rings.
No party or even a meal out.