AIBU to offer friend big chunk of money?

I’d be really pissed off if I was your friend and people were telling you not to give me the money because it might hurt my pride. I’d be extremely grateful and I was told not to feel indebted, then I wouldn’t!

I've never known anyone spend so much to finish a relationship and that's what this will do. It will add a dynamic you don't need

I do agree it's a very kind thing to think of doing, but I can't imagine almost any friendships in which the friend would accept- none of my friends would take even £50 from me, let alone anything else. Payments 'in kind' like childcare, food, a nice gift are always appreciated- I have got flowers, vouchers for takeaways and things like that when wanting to spoil someone. This is another level and I'd be surprised if your friend accepted.

If you gift money for a house deposit, then money laundering regulations require her to disclose where she got the money from and may require you to sign a document saying it was a gift. Just saying lying isn't a good idea about any source of money gifted for this purpose.

I feel guilty if my friend takes me out for dinner and then I forget the next time, so receiving that sum, even if it was to get me on the property ladder would be completely out of the boundaries of what I could accept. I was in rental for many many years and never thought I could buy but even then, never would I accept money from a friend like this.

You have a good heart, OP.

Offer your friend the money. Say you won it.

It's counter intuitive perhaps but would be better off offering it as a lend of X money for a deposit (or possibly buy depending on where up north she is!) and she can pay you back as and when, no rush on starting repayments, no interest kind of thing.

An aunt did something similar for me and I chip away at the total monthly and take breaks months I want or increase in bonus month etc. and its not affected our relationship negatively at all. As a present it would be a burden but as I can pay it back as suits me it doesn't feel demeaning. You can tell her you don't need a lawyer to draw anything up, We just kept ours light, typed up a few paragraphs on word specifying there was no interest, repayment at the choice of the person receiving the money etc.

5% of your current wealth obv isnt a lot to you so can understand why you want to help

Have a chat face to face so can gauge her reactions

If you really don't care what she does with £50/80k whether deposit or spunking it then fine give it no strings attached

I Don’t know if anyone else has mentioned this, but bear in mind any tax implications attached to such a gift, and whether it would impact any social welfare she may be receiving. It’s a really lovely idea, but you need to talk to your friend face to face & come up with a solution together

But she's currently paying rent and obviously would need a mortgage.

Which could well be affordable. There's plenty of places where you can buy a flat or even a house for £100-200k, which could be very affordable with a mortgage, it's just that she's currently paying rent so unable to save a deposit.

What tax? The only tax that is due is IHT if the OP dies within 7 years of giving the gift.

Because it is a lot of hassle just buying a house and let alone dealing with all the issues of renting it out etc. That would be a sure fire way of ruining a friendship.

The OP is thinking of doing a wonderful thing. I don't understand why everyone is so negative.

In your situation I'd definitely offer her the money. You have explained that giving this money away would be no detriment to you and your family and I completely agree with your comment about some people working and struggling their whole lives and never getting a break whilst others have advantages and money just handed to them.

To quote the playwright, Thornton Wilder, "Money is like manure. It should be spread around." This gift could give your friend the opportunity to buy her own home and give her security for the rest of her life.

I would definitely speak to her, face to face and explain that while there are no conditions attached, you know she wants to buy her own home and you would love to help make that happen because you feel it's unfair you had the opportunity, but she didn't. Obviously you could also make it clear that if she wants to spend all or some of it on it on travelling you are happy with that too.

Talk to her Op, you won't know what her decision would be until you make that offer.

I'd be absolutely thrilled and relieved that I wasn't having to stress about money every single fucking day. It would be amazing and I'd love that I had a friend who cared so much about my situation.

I would 100% do this if I came into a lot of money. I can't image benefiting so much without spreading my good fortune to make my friend's lives easier. I would also accept it if it came my way, but only if there weren't a load of conditions and it would depend on the friendship. I have often dreamed about just giving money to strangers too, just pay their rent for a year, knowing how that kind of thing would take a burden off me. I'd love to have the chance to do it. So I say do it, maybe the lottery route.

@Marven

I'm thirty odd years in the charitable sector and my job is literally grant giving. For individuals. It's a joy to do but it's really tough to be fair and stringent on who is "eligible" and who "deserves" and to define "needs" over "wants". It's not my money, after all.

Your gift, freely given, is your choice and it sounds like you're really thinking about it. Which is a good thing. What happens if you do this. What happens if you don't. What difference will it make.

What will preserve your friendship is open and honest communication. If this was a windfall from family, it would be welcome without question. Heck, if you were to die and leave in a will to your friend then no question. Explain this is a living legacy. And check out the tax implications on that.

Best of luck. This has been an interesting thread. I'm saddened by so many of the responses. The best and worst of mumsnet all in one place x

Any sort of BTL /peppercorn rent solution surely increases the risk of making things weird, as it prolongs the imbalanced power dynamic. A one-off no strings gift would keep things more "clean" imo.

I would do this for my closest friend and I'm sure she'd do the same. I don't think it would spoil our friendship because we've known the challenges of eachothers lives since we were teens.

This is so weird- the responses, not the post.

Just give it to her as you planned, it's really kind and would change her life for the better.

I don't think it would ruin the friendship at all unless you're intending to lord it about once you've given it to her- which it sounds like you're not.

It's just a good and kind thing to do and everyone on this thread seems to be weird about money.

That is a very good idea but even a one bedroomed flat would cost a lot more than £50-80k and op would be responsible for maintenance. It's a thought though.

I'm more selfish than you but it's different to have worked for your money as opposed to come into a massive free windfall. I would be gifting that to parents/children/siblings to ensure their lives were easier. Never anticipate any potential inheritance. If you lost your income in the next year, will that amount make any difference?
Have you paid off your own mortgage? Have you maximised your own pensions & ISAs? Have your DC been set up with their own JISA/JSIPP investments?

If you literally have won the lottery then do it. I wouldn't tell anyone - look at all the unwanted opinions here!
Gift it with no strings attached. Don't control what she can spend it on. She may spend it all on travel/luxury holidays and you need to be OK with that.

And don't forget that she will need to pay tax on it.

I think this is a wonderful idea.
Even if it ruins your friendship you will know that you have done a good deed and made a difference to someones life.
If you gave it to charity you would not know how it had helped whereas your friend has given you happy memories and you will be able to see it make a difference.

I haven’t read the whole thread, so not sure if this has been mentioned, but if you could buy a house in her part of the country and allow her to live there rent free (or for a peppercorn rent) then she would have a chance to save a deposit, and once she’s able to do that, you could either sell it (maybe to her) or continue to rent it out, and she would have the chance to buy her own place. So you wouldn’t be gifting her a large sum, but enabling her to have the chance to save.

I wouldn't. Whilst it's a very lovely idea, I would hate it. I'd feel bad about whatever I'd did, I'd feel judged every single time I went out to eat, on holiday, bought clothes. Because when I've been loaned money before (which I have paid back) this is what happens.

I'd suggest you offer to buy a btl property in an area she likes. She can live in it for as long as she needs at low.rent. you've helped her and kept your money safe.

I would also Be wary of assuming moneybis coming your way. Your parents could need care. Or decide to give their money to the cat charity. Or, someone could gamble it all away. I know it sounds silly, but the point remains that you can't rely on money coming to you.

The other option I'd consider is finding small charities around you and donating 25k to each. That would help them potentially employ someone, or just boost their funding.

Seems odd
What about the friends you are close to?