AIBU to offer friend big chunk of money?

Keep your financial affairs private and don't talk about them or offer any money at all. That kind of thing has so many pitfalls.

You sound very caring.

Save the money for your kids - they'll need expensive stuff, university/house/car etc.

Never mix business and pleasure as the saying goes.i would maybe gift her around 20 to 25k .that's still a large amount. Maybe invest 50k for your dc

I'd love for someone to give me a life changing amount of money! I'd be grateful forever.

I guess that maybe it's that gratitude that could burden the friendship.

Maybe next time you see her, ask to borrow a couple of quid, then tell her you bought a lottery ticket with her money, and won? Is that too crazy? I feel like that would work!

You’ve said that she travels a lot so how much is she spending on travel? Is she prioritising travel experiences over saving for the deposit for a house?

Agree with this question. Maybe she should travel less & save up?

I think you should invest for your own children tbh. You say you only see each other rarely. I think if you lived nearby & saw each other regularly then it would seem more normal.

What about if grandparents have to spend all their money on care costs?

I'm assuming the people saying not to do it are jealous that nobody has done this for them

It's so nakedly obvious

Ok…

If I had more money than I needed, I'd totally give it to a close friend if they needed it.

Ignore all the people telling you not to do this op. It's really lovely. Just do it sensitively.

Definitely share your good fortune. It's what moneys for. Just tell her that.

Yes this is also really kind but allows her some dignity.

You can also, in your mind just write it off.

This

I was offered something similar by a friend, and wasn’t offended at all! Their reasoning was that they had had help from parents to get on the housing ladder, and I hadn’t, so when they came into money unexpectedly, they wanted to help me out. It was incredibly sweet and touching of them, and, although it didn’t happen in the end, due to other financial complications, I really appreciated the thought.

Wow, your friend would appreciate this, as would anyone. If I won the lottery I already have in my mind these special friends I would gift to. I can't believe those saying not to do it, who wouldn't be delighted? I certainly would and would think evern more of my friend to think of me. Xx

How old is she and is £80k going to get her a mortage for the type of property she normally lives in?

If she’s Mid/late 50’s and a property would be £400,000 in you area she might not get a Mortgage.

Owning a property isn’t everything.

I've always hoped to be in this situation, to be able to help my friends. So I'd say "I've won some money and want to share" and tell her she's in a long list of people you're sharing with. Please do it, I'm really shocked at the people who are saying don't. I'd do this in a heartbeat for my friends as they would for me. You don't need to make a big deal, just "take it, enjoy it". You're a lovely friend

I really wouldn't do this. It sounds like you're very kind and generous but I really don't think it's a good idea. Put it away for 5 years and reconsider then. Money does very strange things to people....

I suspect some of the previous posters are people with large amounts of money who feel uncomfortable that someone else might be generous enough to share.

Bloody hell please at least ask her and speak to her! I’d be absolute gutted if my friend almost gave me 80k but gave it away to an anonymous charity instead because strangers on mumsnet would personally be hypothetically offended. I can guarantee any friend who gives me a life changing sum of money would be a friend for life. You people are utter weirdos. 😂

Well I say go for it! It’s a lovely idea and if I had loads of spare money (which sadly I don’t!) the first thing I’d do is help out people I care about who need it. I mean why on earth wouldn’t you? Some of these replies are baffling. It’s not like you’re lending it to her and might not get it back. If she doesn’t feel comfortable accepting it she can say no but who in their right mind would be ‘offended’ by such a kind gesture? You’re in a position to completely change someone’s life. Please do it! The world would be a much nicer place if people gave away what they didn’t need. So many, through no fault of their own, have nothing.

It's a lovely gesture.

If you're worried about it ruining the friendship I'm sure a solicitor could help with getting the money transferred without her knowing where it came from.

Thank you for doing a good thing for a friend.

I would get her talking about houses and what house she’d like to buy. How much would it cost etc. How much money has she got for a deposit? If she’s got £10k but wants to buy a £300k house I’d suggest £50k (or £30k or whatever she suggests) as a loan or a gift, as she prefers. If she has nothing and wants a £500k house I would not say anything but say I’d had small win on the lottery and offer train fares and to treat her for weekends or to pay for short holidays so you get to see her more.

I had a small deposit when my parents offered me a larger amount as a loan/gift which I took. I am paying it back very slowly ( I know I don’t really need to) but if something came up I would do so immediately.

When I was young and foolish at uni I received a small inheritance and gave/lent a friend £500 who wanted to do a placement abroad. Not only did he pay it back but he recently commented how this made so much difference to his life. Still friends now.

You know your friend. Do what is right. What a lovely friend you are

You’ve said that she travels a lot so how much is she spending on travel? Is she prioritising travel experiences over saving for the deposit for a house? Maybe she’s not actually in financial dire straits and is choosing to spend her money on things like travel rather than saving for a house deposit - people do this, which is fine, as long as you understand that you are then at the mercy of the housing market. Everyone has different priorities.

I would offer her something like £5k with the story that you’ve had a small lottery win. Invest the balance for your children’s future as you can never guarantee that their grandparents will look after them financially.

Could you suggest buying a house for her to live in between the two of you so she has a low mortgage and you own a percentage of it?

what about you tell her you want to invest in property with her and ringfence the 25K deposit to you, she can pay the reduced mortgatge and get on the property ladder, she will get a step up and if she sells you can decide what to do with your deposit then.

Yes