AIBU to offer friend big chunk of money?

What a lovely kind hearted person you are OP. I'd love to be able to change a friend's life by doing something so generous. Find a way to do it x

Love is selfless. It's quite possible to go through life putting others first sometimes.

Why not test the waters first OP? Take her for an all expenses paid long weekend somewhere fab. Her reaction will ease your mind perhaps.

I think you are amazing OP and absolutely find a way to do it, taking some heed of some advice here. Also if you have common friends you both need to agree to not tell them, ever.

I dont know if someone has suggested it, but here's what I would do:

Tell her you've come into some money and would like to share the love by buying a house, that she selects, and that you will pay the deposit and all that stuff.

Retain an attorney and have a contract made up, the deed will be in her name. You'll transfer the money to a bank account in trust for her which will pay the mortgage. This will help her build her credit score, and give her time to figure out her finances. Whether that means she puts money in the trust account to help pay the mortgage or whatever.

She will need time to figure out her finances. Maybe consider a financial planner for her so she understands how much the money will cover and what she will need to top it up.

I feel like this gives her the opportunity to retain dignity. It's not just a sudden check, it's a lifetime assistance.

It will be like winning the lottery, and that's ruined a lot of people's lives so you'll want to do this with a lot of care and thought.

That is an awful lot of money to give away to a friend. Would she want to be beholden to you? I hope, if you did part with it, it would leave you with sufficient to do what you hoped to do.

My view is that, if we want to help someone else, to do it discreetly without them knowing but I doubt that is possible with £50-80k.

Why not have a word with your friend and ask her how much she really needs to get on her feet, what her plans are, etc. It may be a lot less than you anticipate.

You're a good, kind soul and I commend you for that but please be sensible about it. Once a gift is bestowed it should never again be mentioned and the giver has no control over it. You have to protect yourself when being philanthropic.

Sometimes even a (relatively), small amount of money can help a person in need so definitely re-think the amount.

Good luck to you and to your friend and don't stop being you because you are smashing to have even thought of this. With your willingness, there will be ways that you can help your friend, just be careful.

Every few years is very infrequent- do you talk a lot?.

If she doesn’t work through ill health as you’ve alluded to, then how is she going to get a mortgage? I think I’d be thinking more tangible things to assist (; even though it doesn’t actually sound like you’re that close tbh). It sounds like she values other things more if she spends what money she has on travel;etc perhaps that is a pointer that owning a home isn’t the top of her list for things to save for.

No, I am not jealous. Everything on MN is not about jealousy, much as people like to think it is. I did give money to a friend. Didn't end well. Money ruins friendships. People aren't usually grateful. They get weird about it.
What is that Chinese saying about detesting people who do a good turn for you? Happens more often than you think.

Well if you want to do it then do it. I’d personally keep it for my children future but it’s your money and your choice

100% agree with @NightPuffins

Op I’m really surprised at all the cynicism and stingy attitudes on this thread. I’d love to give money to friends and if I was ever lucky enough to win the lottery then it would be one of the most exciting things I could do - I often dream about how I would help people. Personally I would absolutely offer my friend some money (and not take no for an answer). I wouldn’t be offended if the shoe was on the other foot either - I’d be really grateful. Funnily enough my friends and I were talking ‘what if we won…’ the other night and we were all saying what we’d do for each other!
Please don’t take MN attitudes as gospel - this is a very weird place sometimes and can be a bit of a parallel universe.

I'm assuming the people saying not to do it are jealous that nobody has done this for them.

Why are you assuming this? I’d be massively freaked out if someone I hadn’t seen in years did this.

Do you own your property mortgage free ?

Do you have any debts ? If so pay these off first

Up North you can buy flats outright for less than 100k

I would take so.e time 6 months, a year to think first

What a wonderful gesture. I think you are a kind, thoughtful, generous and fabulous friend 💐

Speak to a tax lawyer who will advise on the most tax efficient and advantageous way of gifting the money with zero future financial impact on you or friend 💐

PS: if you need an instant friend, my address is … lol

I would go ahead and offer her the full amount you wanted, though I'd be inclined to tell a white lie and say the money came from the lottery. Simply because, as the poor friend in this scenario, I just couldn't bring myself to accept family money, whereas a lottery win hasn't come from anyone as such. You could even 'protect' your lie by saying the lottery win came just after you inherited from your family so you wanted to be generous and give the win up.

If you offer it generously and unconditionally, making it absolutely clear that the money is to be used in whatever way she wishes, whether that's travel or a house deposit or shoes or a charity donation herself, you have no claim to know about it nor does it affect your friendship. I would accept this from a friend and be so grateful.

Contrary to others, if it truly is unconditional and you are able to not judge her spending choices, then I don't think it will ruin the friendship. Whereas, I think you splashing out on gifts, treats, trips away would ruin the friendship, because that puts you in the higher position, the one in control of the fun. You know she can't treat you to a weekend away in return so could she really relax and enjoy it without feeling the need to give something in return? I couldn't.

There are absolutely people in my life that I would help financially if/when I sold my business or inherited. People who I love but who have no safety net and have not had wealthy parents. We have more than we need and they don’t. There isn’t a lack of money, there’s just an issue with its distribution.

i would support you giving it to her but I would do it in person, taking time to explain the what and the why. It will be life changing for her. Give it with an open heart and let her receive it how she will. Personally I would say something like- you are like family to me. I have more than I need and I would like to give you this gift. Bless you for your kindness x

Depends where in the north but that could give her a really manageable mortgage.

It could make the dynamic difficult, but it could make so much difference to her life that I'd offer anyway. It's not like you see each other every week. I think it would be an act of true friendship. But you know her, you're likely to know if she'd be glad or upset.

This!!!

Can I be your friend? 😉

Friends are exactly that, not patrons. It will completely change the dynamic. I have friends who earn 50x what I do and I would be offended if they offered me cash.

if you are set on this, I’d suggest saying you’d like to invest in property, but want a trust worthy financial partner like her. If you put up the deposit, can she pay the mortgage? Work out the percentages of property owned vs total final payments (which would lean in her favour) then get a contract.

I’d definitely do it if o could. Have a chat with her and broach the subject. If someone offered it to me I’d be thrilled and very grateful.

I'd probably approach it as you've had a win / windfall and have always remembered when her family screwed her over and gave the $ to her brother. You've been thinking about what you can do with the money and would like to give her some money for a deposit on her own place, would she be interested? Totally no strings etc. If she was interested, then give her a figure to work to.

I absolutely DO think you should offer her this money (as a gift, NOT a loan). A loan is stressful, needs paying back, even though you say you don't want it back, but I mean for her. She's been screwed over by family, this could really make a big change in her life.

If a friend offered me this money, no strings, then sure, I'd accept and not be offended, and use it to pay off the mortgage, or do our much needed extension.

Also, I've had casual chats with an old dear friend of mine and said to her outright that if I ever won Euromillions, or something, I'd pay her mortgage off for her (about 60-70K), although, if I won a huge amount, I'd give her a million. She wasn't offended in the slightest. I know it was all hypothetical, but you can still gauge views from that. She's such a lovely person and she'd deserve it.

Honestly, I think you should do it. Have a chat with her, just casually over a cuppa during a visit ask her, if someone gave you £50-80K no strings attached, no need to pay back, would you accept it? Gauge her response. If it's positive, then tell her, you'd like to give her it, no strings, no paying it back, it's a gift and that you hope she can buy a house with it.

Good luck @Marven

I'm really dismayed at most of these replies. No wonder we have such a gaping financial divide in this country, when others think it's more important to hoard wealth in a bank just incase or give more for your own already privileged children than someone you love, respect and recognise have less than you through no fault of their own. It's like reading Daily Mail replies of charity begins at home and Britain First. I agree a big loan can ruin a friendship, or a friend asking for money, but a no strings attached gift from someone not asking for it is not that at all.