AIBU to offer friend big chunk of money?

Thing is, if you say you don't care what she does with it, you have to be entirely happy if she fritters it away on plastic surgery, five-star holidays or Mulberry handbags.

I knew someone whose sister helped her in a similar way. Although grateful, the recipient felt it highlighted how different their lives were and the relationship did suffer a bit. She didn't like feeling beholden to someone else

Given the proportion of your own assets you are talking about, I love this. I think I would frame it as lotto money and a deposit or years rent. If she's a good enough friend to offer this amount of money, I'd think you can have a fairly frank conversation. I'd make it clear that you will notarise the no strings, not change your opinion of her or her lifestyle in any way however she responds, and perhaps suggest you have earmarked a certain amount for people you especially care about. She doesn't need to know that's only her.

These are the sort of acts I wish I had the assets to do. Sounds like she has had a terrible start. So many people get started with family support. It's not her fault she doesn't have that, and how wonderful to be able to offer it. I've spent time this weekend with the people who did everything for me when I had nowhere to live as a teen 30 years ago. It's never been financial but that love and support from people with no obligation to help me gave me so much more.

If you don't care about the future of the friendship, give her the money. But be prepared for further requests you finance her in future.

I would gift her money if it's something you can do and something you want to do. However, I would talk to her. Because if you gift based on the assumption she needs it for xyz, then that may come across as very patronising and saviour like, thus ruining the tone of the friendship.

If you really don't care about what she does with the money then don't mention buying a house at all because it gives the message that strings are attached, even though you say they're not.

Just have an honest conversation and say that you've come into a very large chunk of money, and you would like to gift some of it to her, with no strings attached, because she's a very significant part of your life and you want to share your good fortune with her.

Good luck

Advice to lottery winners who want to help friends and family is to give a small amount and see what they do with it

One option might be, if say, friend wants to buy a house worth £300K, you pay £60K and you own 1/5 of the house. Friend pays mortgage, bills, has free reign to decorate etc. This would enable her to buy a house, but on basis of both of you investing in it, and if / when the house is sold, you get £60K (or 1/5 of value) back. You'd need solicitor to draw up contract and still a risk things could go wrong, but investing in her house might be more palatable than a huge donation, which might well spoil the friendship

I wouldn't do it. Treat her to something nice a holiday, etc but this will change the dynamics in your friendship. Also as others have said you never know what's round the corner, keep it invest it for your DC when they go to uni, house deposits, etc

Tell her you are looking to buy an investment property and will need a long term tenant. Ask her if she would be interested in helping you find one in her area and if she would like to be tenant. Explain you would wrote say a 10 year lease and she would pay say less than half market rate with the option to buy from you later the 10 years?

Either offer to pay her rent for a year, as someone suggested above. Hopefully she'll take the opportunity to save for a deposit for her own property.

OR buy a BTL property and charge her peppercorn rent, but with an airtight rental agreement in case the friendship goes south, or she starts to misuse the property.

You never know what's round the corner. Your family or children might need that money one day.

Gosh, does it make me terrible that if I were in your friend's situation, I would have no qualms about accepting your very generous offer? Equally, if I were in your position, @Marven, I would happily give my "lottery winnings", with no strings attached, to a friend whose life would definitely improved by a windfall. I work on the principle of never lending money that I can't afford to give away, as I've learned the hard way only to give freely what I can afford to "lose" so that I don't resent it if it's not repaid. That way, I can just forget about it and hope the recipient does, too!

I haven’t read all the replies but am surprised so many are negative. I am the less fortunate one amongst my group of university friends. When dc were small a a friend gifted me £10k - she just put it in my bank account. She knew we were struggling and it was absolutely life changing in that moment. I didn’t ask for it, but I knew she did it with generosity and openness. I felt so loved and cared for.

she has never needed or expected the money back, and it has not affected our friendship. We are still close. Money is just a practical thing she has a lot of. In luckier times for me I have done the same for less fortunate friends (not the same amount, but cash gifts). We remain close.

op I think you’re a wonderful friend and if you can give the money freely, which I think you can, then I see no reason why it would not go well.

I honestly don’t understand why people are saying not to. I am not in an unfortunate position but if I was and I had a friend who did this it certainly wouldn’t ruin my friendship. I think all you need to do is tell her you love her, regard her as family and since you don’t need the money would far rather it went to her and her children. Tell her she can do as she wishes with it, but it’s an early inheritance as you would absolutely leave her some in your will.

honestly, I am not this wealthy but I have a much loved friend in another country so I see her rarely. If I had this kind of money to give her I would in a heartbeat.

That's why I haven't travelled in ages. I'm busy saving.

People are saying not to, because this is almost unheard of.
Personally I think it is a life changing, very generous and kind offer. If it is not going to impact much on your finances, do it!

It might be awkward for her at first, of course. But leave the idea with her and a way to make it easy to say yes. You know her best, you’ll know how to do it.

A 50k windfall will have a huge impact on most of us. Being able and willing to do that must feel so good. I can’t imagine that she’ll not be incredibly grateful for the offer.

Also - don’t lie about the lotto. There’s no need.

I wouldn't tell her I won the lotto. You'll always know that it's not true, and could feel awkward in the future, especially if things get tough in the friendship.

I have always thought about this in the context of what if I won the lottery.

I work in a care home and there’s people there who have worked so bloody hard day in day out and they don’t have what I think they should have to show for it.

I would find a way to use a solicitor to do it anonymously.

I have received money from wills of someone I don’t know before and just been informed and received cash so I am sure it is possible.

You wouldn’t want the dynamics of just giving money.

Are you so well off you don't need this money for your DC?

Do you have money to see them through university, give them both a substantial deposit on a house and support them with any emergencies that come their way?

Do you have money to support yourself should you need care when you're old?

Unless the answer is "yes, all this is covered and more" don't even consider doing it.

FWIW I used to have a fantasy that I'd help a friend out if I came into money, by buying her a flat. She'd had a tough life and I wanted her to be happy.

But decades later, I can see how patronising this would have been.

Had I bought her a flat it would have made our whole relationship really weird. And she's doing fine I'm rented accommodation, she didn't need me to swoop in and be some kind of misguided saviour.

I totally agree with @Lilaciriscrossabove!

I think people are being awfully cynical on here and it doesn't reflect real life. Offer the money- what a lovely thing to do and it will make a huge difference to her life, by the sounds of it.

Please don't get put off by random strangers on the Internet making you doubt your good intententions. Switch off and follow your instinct.

Don’t not do it based on mumsnet. Mumsnet is great but also weird. Like any online forum the norm here is not always reflected in the real world.

I would say offer to your friend but only if a- you’re iron clad certain you can afford it and don’t expect it back, and that is is a one off b- word won’t get out to others in your social circle who feel they are owed a share.

If I was in your shoes I’d do it (if I was as generous as you, which I’m not sure I am!) and if in was in your friends shoes I’d gratefully accept & say thank you! But I’m not a very proud person. You know your friend best and how she’s likely to respond. So go with your gut. Not us on here!

I don't think this is a good idea but if you do go ahead, don't lie about where the money came from. It's not morally better to give up part of a lottery win than family money. And unnecessary lies are never a good thing.

You seem very fixated on her owning a home, as if life is not worth living if you don't. We happen to have fairly high home ownership in the UK but plenty of people don't own homes, more so in other countries.

If she spends a lot on travelling, maybe that suggests she values that over home ownership, and why not? It's a valid choice. If she's married, one day her ex may take half the proceeds of the house and she could end up unable to buy again. And despite what you say, I think you'd be very disappointed if she didn't spend it on a house at all.

I feel she may see you as Lady Bountiful and resent your patronage. Even the offer could end the friendship. Talking about money between friends is very difficult. I have close friends of many decades and I know a lot about their jobs and lifestyles but I'd never ask how much money they actually have.

A nice thought but I wouldn't.