To think you don't actually get treated better if you're slim, it's because your attitude changes?

I lost 4 stone (I’ve put 3.5 back on and am working to lose it again) a couple of years ago. There is a noticeable difference in how people treat you. I got down to a size 16, granted I still had more to lose, but I was exercising very regularly so my shape completely changed. Unfortunately a lot of people are shallow, and if you’re bigger they’re not as nice to you.

I was in a supermarket yesterday, and a couple were there who had their own baskets. She had wandered off and I walked down the aisle, looking for what I needed. The bloke was behind me looking at the other side of the aisle. She came back and he said something along the lines of, oh I thought you were behind me. She then replied “I’m not that big”. I was utterly mortified and wanted the ground to swallow me up. I pretended I’d not heard anything and walked away. I get that I have put nearly all the weight back on, but actually I’m only a size 20 max, I’ve not gone back up to the size 26 I was, so god forbid if I was that size still..god knows what she would have said. If I had to guess I’d say she was around a size 12 max. I’d like to say I’m shocked, but I’m not.

IME people treated me very differently when fat and when slim. People see being fat as a character flaw, a weakness, as well as equating it with being unattractive.

@Thomasina79

Can you tell me what you did? I need a kick up the arse.

I think it might be about socially acceptable norms.

I've been a size 6/8 for decades but in my late twenties I picked up a career threatening injury (physical job) and my mam was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Between the stress and the painkillers I lost a lot of weight and people suddenly became incredibly rude.

Someone upthread said they felt the difference most keenly between size 12 and size 16/18 and that does feel like the size that finding clothes in standard ranges/stores, available to try on not just online, etc becomes more tricky.

I disagree with you, if anything I would say I am more confident now not because I'm big maybe my age that I don't care what people think of me anymore? But I've definitely been treated worse since being fat than I was when I was slim and was shy and lacked confidence I never felt like I was treated bad by strangers now I'm treated with disgust. I lost some weight a few years back and immediately started noticing a different between how I was treated (mainly by men I was suddenly not invisible anymore)

I was overweight for a couple of years in my teens and was basically invisible. When I lost weight it was like a switch. People noticed and commented on how attractive I was. Now I'm middle aged, I've kept the weight off. It has it's pros and cons. I do think it helps being a white, middle aged and well spoken. I've been told I look honest before (not that I really even know what that means) and I think because of this I get treated well. I don't think it's just to do with weight. I think there are a lot of factors thar contribute to how a person is treated, whether they want to acknowledge it or not.

I’ve been very over weight to a bit chubby and have never noticed a difference, I have to say.

… I am middle class / professional though, and suspect that helps.

Similar but replace overweight with black. Sending solidarity. It's annoying when white, slim, middle class posters put it all down to attitude just because they themselves are always treated well.

It’s definitely the case in my experience. I was morbidly overweight for years and will admit I was a grumpy cow. Now I’m quite slim and definitely happier, and yes other people’s interactions with me are a lot more positive.

The downside is I can’t really take advantage of it because I still have crushingly low self esteem most of the time

Pre kids, slim I was not judged as I am now. I do think that it says more about them and their own issues than me though so tend to just not give a fuck

Nope. I am an optimist and generally quite easy going, but I am overweight and some people can be fairly sneery. It’s them, not me.

I noticed that I was treated differently, when I lost a lot of weight, not necessarily better. I was in my 40s, but looked younger when slimmer. When I took my car for repair to a
garage, they thought they could rip me off!

I used to be obese, now I'm a size 6/8 and I'm treated very differently by men and women.

Not because I'm different, but because I look different.

Some people assume you're healthy when you're slim. I've always been slim but when I was an addict I was very light indeed. People were often surprised when they realised I existed on fags, red wine and tranquilizers. That's the difference. If I had a bath and brushed my hair I passed for a non-addict quite easily but I guess extremely overweight folk have to wear their problem so to speak so people will be more judgey.

Sadly I can confirm doctors one.
I am white, tall and slim.
It was very obvious I was geting better treatment and being taken more seriously than heavier women, women from other background or even women with low level of education.
And when medical mistake occured it was escalated to top of the department quickly.

I literally have letter telling I was given ICU space and few treatments as I have "small body". I am 175 so by no standards small.
And everyone cheered how well I am recovering, telling me I am fragile so it is surprise etc. I was just slim with simetrical face.
It is bizarre how people treat you differently.

I've been both ends - the Dr's thing is true either end. I was super thin (which was my natural genetics til children)from teenage til early 30s, I could go into the Dr's with a open wound and the first thing they would discuss would be my weight and was I eating enough calories....I ate what I wanted I just had a high metabolism and did high calorie burning sports.

When bigger and overweight they would discuss what my lifestyle was and was I exercising etc. Which was ironic as I was overweight but usually the Dr (male or female) was bigger then me!

I'm nearly back to a happy medium.

I do think you get treated differently but so do super slim people I think people treat others outside of what they consider normal with a bit of contempt regardless if that's higher or lower.

I don't see why both can't be true. I certainly feel very self conscious at heavier weights, I'm not engaging with others as much as I'm primarily focussing on avoiding mirrors or my posture to minimise my size, I'm not dressing as well etc so certainly not at my best.

This however won't be everyone. Plenty of people are very happy at size 18 and up and are naturally bubbly or just don't give a shit and I bet they still get treated differently. Unfortunately first impressions being 'important' is undeniably true.

The idea that fat people are thick etc is deeply ingrained, so much so that I've found myself falling into the same trap and having to have a word with myself. Nearly got me into hot water a couple of times when I've subconsciously talked down to someone and so glad I've learned that lesson early in my life. Stupid really considering my own yo yo weight situation, no one who knows me would consider me thick but I'm sure strangers do.

People who are more OW than average often recieve different and unfavourable treatment, from assumptions about their character (lazy, low standards etc), to being avoided/ignored to mockery and bullying.
Women who are at the weight that makes them look their personal best (which for some can be still be OW, depending on frame, where they carry the weight, and if it suits them) will be treated better by men, because as a rule of thumb, the more attractive a woman is the better men treat her.
If a woman looks roughly the same level of attractive give or take a couple of stone, and the extra weight doesnt mean she is much larger than other people, she probably won't notice any difference in treatment of her.
I think the impact of confidence is overstated. Shy insecure women recieve a lot of attention and are treated well if they're attractive.

My experience is you are completely wrong on this. I've been diagnosed with body dysmorphia and have always seen myself as being absolutely hideous, to the extent that I have had periods of not wanting to leave the house and various other issues. I say that to make the point that my confidence and my feelings about myself did not change form when I was very fat to when I was very thin. I've been up to a size 24 and down to a size 6, now a 10 but feel very fat (I'm aware this is my issue). The treatment I have received as an overweight person was mind altering, it was so much harsher on a macro and micro level.

I do think you're right that people are more likely to be less confident, less confrontational and have lower self-esteem when overweight. They also probably internalise the treatment they received and I expect it's hard to break out of that but even if their self-perception changes while fat it won't impact other peoples behaviour so I don't feel it's about a positive mental attitude.

I’ve gone from a size 22 to a 12 in just over a year and definitely feel less invisible. My confidence is not as good as it could be though because of my tummy on which most of the residual fat seems to stay! I’m working on it though. It’s lovely to be a size 12, but I do feel becoming slimmer does not necessarily make you happier or more confident. It depends how much it bothered you being overweight. It bothered me a lot, but I basically lost weight because I want to see my grandchildren grow up and to do things with them.

I think the medical example is a bit different really. It shouldn't be the case but the truth is doctors do tend to just reduce ailments to the simplest possible cause. So if you're overweight it's bound to be because of that or if you're age 45 it will be because you're menopausal or BC you're pregnant / neuro diverse / whatever. I don't think it's something that only overweight people experience with doctors

@Cheepcheepcheep I LOVE this bit of being 40. The teen boys getting out of my way instead of feeling intimidating. Finally!

I’ve been very slim and fit, very thin and unhealthy, and overweight/mildly obese. I’ve always been very confident.

When I was in my 20s I suddenly blossomed. I was slim and very very fit, and fighting men off, despite having an average to “interesting” rather than pretty face. People treated me incredibly nicely in pretty much all scenarios. It was only maybe 5 years? But I knew what it feels like to be “one of those girls”. And def let it go to my head, after years of being the ugly duckling.

then I had a baby and i was very thin and unwell (I looked severely underweight, and was actually), i also had a baby strapped to my front 95% of the time, so I became invisible to one subset of the population (young men) but found others - older women, older men- went out of their way to notice and be kind to me. I think I looked frail tbh, and people worried.

Now I’m slightly fat and have a child, I’m find I get less attention than ever in passing but my actual interactions with people are the most “level” they’ve ever been. I’m not being sized up as a potential shag. Nobody is worried I’ll fall down dead. And I think I look more approachable now, my face is kinder when it’s softer, though less attractive overall.

have never had a problem getting doctors/ teachers / work colleagues to listen to me and take me seriously at any point though.